The Journey to the Journey of Self Acceptance

It's no secret that as yoga teachers, we teach what we need. We teach what we have learned. We teach what we have un-learned that no longer resonates.What we teach changes as we change and grow, as we get closer to our true nature.

It's also no secret that as students we gravitate toward the teachers who speak to our heart-mind, seeing in them a reflection of what we already know to be true for ourselves. Eventually we come to realize that our greatest teachers aren't some Guru in an Ashram where we bow at their feet, but regular people just like us. Sometimes, these teachers aren't even on a yoga mat, but a stranger off the street.

When I was 5 or 6, I sat in church and was told God would love me if I was perfect. Their God was scary. That wasn't my God, my God was LOVE. My God was kind. My God was accepting of my flaws.  What was taught to me did not stick because it did not resonate in my heart-mind, so I made up my own God to help me through the tough times and I tried to be like that God when I interacted with others. I still thought I was going to a place called Hell though.


In High School I started seeking outside of myself for the answer in the self-help isle when deep pain began to emerge from past trauma. This didn't resonate too long because I was being taught that I was a victim and I was now feeling dis empowered. This path felt too self-involved and final, to be helpful for me or anyone in my life, so I lost interest and just decided being "messed up" was the way it was going to be, so I got into Drama (Speech and Debate Club), so I could pretend to be somebody else. I was good at it. I won a lot of trophies (better than drugs, I never got into that). I also started using music as a sort of catharsis. To this day I still can not listen to Depeche Mode <shudders>.


In early college I sought help in the Metaphysical section with the Seth Speaks series and thought I could Astral Project myself into peace and harmony with everything outside of myself or at least get off the planet that hurt me so much. I got pretty weird, even for me. I sort of "woke up" when a guy I was dating broke up with me because he didn't like the smell of Patchouli. I thought bathing in Patchouli while listening to New Age music would spiritualize my life. It didn't, I still had the same patterns of behavior I always had, I just smelled more "Earthy".

Then in 1993, at age 20, I found Yoga (asana, ancient text, meditation). Back then there were no studios, it was pretty much just me, my incense, and my tie dye whatevers. This is also when I decided to try being a vegetarian for the first time because that would make me a better person.  My teeth hurt from the beans I could never cook correctly. Still, I felt like I was onto something. I came and went from yoga until 2000 when I became pregnant with my son, after that, it stuck. I also came and went from Vegetarianism until 2009, then I gave up deciding that what I ate had anything to do with who I was as a person.

Because I was practicing yoga before the yoga boom, I thought the new yoga boom was well, a bunch of shit. I remember being in my first Power Vinyasa class and this phrase ran through me mind," What the Fuck is this shit?" How very non-sattvic of me. I blame the Rajasic practice, but whatever. I was being judgmental and well, I sort of freaked out. I started teaching the way the masses wanted me to teach. I felt fake and while I knew it was what my employers and students wanted from me, I still felt like almost all of my classes were only half-truths of who I was and what I wanted to teach. I also started running around teaching 17 classes per week, forgetting to feed my own spirit. Sure, I was taking workshops and learning, but my life was falling apart and I really had no idea what I was doing, but what I did know was, this wasn't me.

In 2007 I went to India for the first time and had a Vision. Open my own place. Teach the way I want. Bring back Old School. So, I did. I thought I was doing this to help others, but as I mentioned before, our teachers come to us in various ways. The studio showed me very quickly that while my intentions were pure (to serve), there would be people who would reject it. I had never struggled so hard to just be who I am, no matter what anyone said. It took years, but I finally realized, that I could be handing out a free trip to Planet Peace and Tranquility wrapped in pink polk-a-dot paper and some people would say my gift was crap and I was full of it. So, seriously, I  just said," I am who I am and I'm ok with that and I'm ok with others not "getting" it." I also realized that while I stuck to my vision, other people were empowered to do the same, all around me. People were flying high and away and I thought,"Being true to yourself and allowing others to do the same, this is what it is all about."

I realized just recently while observing this yoga boom and the quest for all of this beautiful knowledge that ALL of us have within us already, that I'm not sure I teach yoga, as much as I teach authenticity. If we are not authentic, how can we find yoga? For years, I  thought I had it going on and all figured out, but I didn't. Now I realize I still don't, that what I know today may be different tomorrow, but what is truly beautiful is loving exactly who I am TODAY, right now and I find it so much easier to accept and embrace others as they are at any given moment. This is what I want others to experience. It's a dream of mine. It's the kind of Heaven I imagine when I think of God Consciousness.

I want people to also experience this video that a friend of mine gave to me. Take time to listen to it and drink in the lyrics and I'll be playing this on my guitar around a bonfire soon. XO

Atha, Are You Ready? Really?

 "Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions which speak louder than the words. It is making the time when there is none. Coming through time after time after time, year after year after year. Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." ~Anon

Atha:  pronounced ah-tah in sanskrit is the first word in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra translates to "now".  

Sutra 1.1. Atha Yoga Anusasanam: Here, NOW is the teaching of yoga.

BUT, are you truly ready?  

As Modern Yoga Practitioners, we tend to focus mainly on Asana.  Patanjali himself only mentions the word asana four times and what is the intention of an asana practice? The goal of asana is a steady and comfortable seated posture. 

Sutra 2. 46. Sthira Sukham Asanam: A seated posture that is steady and comfortable is called asana.

Huh? That's it?

Then, Why  focus on the body at all?

The body needs to be made as  comfortable as possible to support pranayama which developed the willpower to overcome physical and mental distraction so we are able to move to higher stages of consciousness in the heart-mind. In modern times we are distracted and pulled in a million different directions and on many different paths. I believe that the many styles of asana there are to practice, reflect just in how many directions we find ourselves every day. The only thing I wish to respectfully point out regarding asana, is that the style of asana one chooses, in order to be termed yoga, should leave the individual more centered, setting the stage for self-realization. Steady. Comfortable. This is how an asana practice should feel in the body and the mind. This, however, is the challenge in our modern culture. I get it.

BUT, yoga, if committed to it,  is found at every moment of every day.

What does this even mean and how do we begin to do be this? It means that we dedicate our intentions and actions in a manner that brings our heart-mind or Chitta into a state of pure awareness, no longer clouded by external influences or negative samaskaras (samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; make up our conditioning that no longer serve us or the greater good). This takes commitment, patience, and bravery. We are constantly moving between external influences and the internal light of awareness. The goal is to practice, practice, practice, 24 hours per day in all situations. What unfolds if we do the work is the layers and layers of imperfections and untruths are washed away, leaving us with pure awareness of the world around us and BAM, our authentic self is realized. What is yoga, but self-realization. With self-realization we wash that muddy third eye, home of our perception, revealing to us a greater awareness of everything and everyone around us. With this new view, the Universe supports us in developing an environment that serves us and our healing, allowing situations and people from the past that have caused us suffering to go by the wayside, while at the same time we are able to offer forgiveness and gratitude for the lessons those experiences and people have offered us, after all, it is in pain we are moved to grow and it is because of our own pain we harm others, so even better, this is our chance to "let go" with compassion. If we are indeed ready to do the work, we must begin making changes and these aren't always easy (this is the brave part). 

As a yoga teacher, I often mention to students it is their job to do the work. If they succeed it is not because of me and if they fail, it is not because of me. After all, I'm still trying to figure it all out as I go along and just about the time I want to give up, I have to re-commit over and over again. It's a  challenging process, but the results are well worth the effort.

So, are you REALLY ready?

 

Be  (Breathe)

Here (Not up there, down there, back there, or over there)

Now (Not 5 years ago, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not next year, today, right NOW, this very moment)

You can keep going in the many directions everyone else tells you to, or you can STOP and go to InnerState You and Inquire Within.

 

I Helped A Little Old Lady Today

I am so honored to have this guest entry by someone I admire for her raw honesty and for this both inspiring and heart breaking story that teaches us it's never too late to help others and to apologize to those we have harmed, even if it means we can only forgive ourselves for those we have harmed.We must dig deep into the heart wounds in order to grow and this expresses this beautifully.

Warning: Have a tissue ready.....

 

 

I helped a little old lady at the grocery store today.  I pulled up 2 spaces away from her (Front Row Joe!) and as I walked past her car, I saw her getting her cane ready.  But, there was something in her hesitant manner.  So I asked if I could offer her a hand.  She accepted and told me that she’d hurt her knee again this morning.  Her hesitation was bracing for the pain that was about to come exploding out of her knee when she stepped up on the sidewalk. 

I hooked my arm under and around hers; giving her another moment to psyche herself up, then we both stepped up on the curb.  The weight I bore was next to nothing.  She was a tiny little white haired thing.  I touched her hand and left her to walk into the store alone.

 

 

 

I was immediately reminded of the day I beat my dog.  Yes, the day I beat my (elderly) dog for shitting all over the floor and not getting her ass over the papers.  There were eight square feet of papers available for her to shit on, and she still managed to get her diarrhea all over the floor.  I was livid.  And I beat her.  Five times, hard, on her ass.  I didn’t care that she was arthritic.  I didn’t know that she was cancer-ridden at the time and just didn’t make it.  In fact, she was probably humiliated by the fact she couldn’t control her bowels…and I beat her for it.

I wanted to cry.  For the dog, long dead from cancer, for the rage-filled woman that I once was.  For my own mother, who will never be assisted by a stranger because her body is so large, no one would want to bear that weight to help her up onto a sidewalk.

Why was I so angry?  I have no answer.  I can justify, sure.  We all have “things” in our past that totally mind-fuck us.  But…why was I so angry?  How did I allow myself to become that awful, mean, vicious person?  I still want to cry.  Oh hell, I am crying.  I’m unsuccessfully trying to choke back the tears because I work in a cubicle in an office.  My nose is dripping.  I wonder who will be the one to beat me.  When I’m old and alone and cancer-ridden and unable to make it to the bathroom in time.

 

 

 

 

 

I do the yoga.  I’ve done the therapy.  I read the books.  I do the meditation.  I’m still working on it. I’m really sorry, Erin.

 

By~Julie Tijerina

 

 

Is Old School Yoga Becoming Extinct?

 Is Old School Yoga on it's way to extinction or can the more modern methods and Old School methods coexist?  It reminds me of the 80's when snowboarding started to become popular.  Skiers and Snowboarders butted heads for many years and still occasionally do, but both are surviving on the Mountain together. (I'm Old School here too...Snowboarders test my yoga patience).

I attended The International Yoga Festival in Early March, where in 2007 I came to meet one of my primary teachers Vamadeva/Dr. Frawley. This year he and Yogaini Shambhavi did not speak there and for students like myself, I felt this year, there was little there for me. As I gathered from the locals and attendees through the years, the word was that things had become too "Hollywood"....and too physically focused. Personally, I attended Kundalini Yoga, one Iyengar cass, and the rest was lecture. The lectures were not well attended, while the asana classes were so packed, many people were turned away. I then realized how blessed I am that my studio does as well as it does because of what and how we teach and where we teach it.

Old School studios and teachers frequently mention their frustration concerning the Boom of yoga as a popular exercises (substituting asana class as Yoga), one that may harm the practitioner or creates the impression on beginner "yogis" that, often times, is one that gets them accustomed to focusing more on the external rather than the internal. Truth be told, it's more difficult to work the mind, which requires healing the aches and pains of the heart that many people do not feel safe tapping into (because our culture is so external), but one thing I know is...this is where Yoga (by definition, not by asana brand) is found and where personal growth and compassion is cultivated. I'm not writing about yoga asana injuries here, as that has been beaten to death already, I am simply bringing this up because so many beginners hurt themselves and never give yoga a second chance (the tragedy). This is why us Old Schoolers get our yoga mats all bunched up in a wad. Asana alone is not yoga, but yoga can be taught through asana.


Through the years my attitude has gone back and forth on the subject of the Old School or Modern approach, usually concluding that we are all on our own path and who are we to judge what path is greater than the other? I support people practicing whatever physical practice they wish to practice and the only thing I might change is what we call our classes (and maybe hunker down more on the quality of education yoga teacher are receiving...which is another topic altogether). Asana Class is more appropriate or even Inspired Asana Class in many cases. I even feel like this regarding my studio if the class is more than 50% asana (which are most of them). I have been to power vinyasa yoga classes, Iyengar classes, or any hybrid class you can imagine (except Bikram since I know I can not handle the heat) and if the class is void of pranayama, then to me, it's not yoga (my opinion). Otherwise, if the teacher teaches us to breathe and offers modifications that help calm and center our bodies and minds...then this is Yoga (no matter what the style). Yoga is everywhere if we are taught what yoga actually is, unfortunately, those lessons are fewer and fewer because it is the rare student who will sit and listen to a 15 minute lecture on yoga philosophy before asana class begins.

So, what IS disturbing to me and why I am writing this, are the amount of articles and Blogs I read regarding studios just like mine shutting down and teachers just like me giving up teaching altogether because they do not feel they have an audience and therefore, can not pay the bills. At my studio we call the majority of our classes Hatha Yoga Classes because this is the branch of yoga that takes the physical route as a stepping stone to self-realization which is where most modern people choose to start.  All asana-based classes are formed from the umbrella of Hatha Yoga, one of the Six Branches of yoga. Unfortunately, many people assume calling a class Hatha Yoga means "Yoga for the old and injured". This is not true and mildly irritating if I allow it to be. When I was a teacher at a popular fitness facility, teaching a watered-down version of what I believed in, my classes were packed. Today, taking the step to be more authentic in my teachings (as I desire to teach), I find my classes, while well attended, are  a 1/3 the size they were at the other place (which I actually prefer because I feel it is more safe and easier to make a connection with my students). It is also true, that since our classes attract those using Hatha Yoga as their spiritual practice, we become like church, people attending once a week only. This makes it more difficult for us to fill classes and keep a schedule that compares to other studios in the area who offer more fitness-style classes where their people attend 3-5 times per week. This also requires us to locate in an area that is undesirable so we can afford rent. So what happens? Only the most dedicated to the deeper components of yoga will make that drive and those who would actually enjoy the practice don't bother to make the drive because we are a culture of convenience.

 So, this is an educational blog entry for those who love Old School yoga. If you wish these kinds of studios to stay in business and these kinds of teachers to keep teaching, then you need to support them. I see and hear a lot of talk from individuals regarding being "into" the deeper teachings, though the physical body still seems to rule because why else would the Old School studios and Old School teachers be shutting down and giving up? We say we want a more Sattvic mind, though we take most of our classes that feed the Rajasic mind that already rules us and causes us frustration and suffering.

It has always been my wish that we could all work together, to cultivate Unity in the yoga commUNITY and I am seeing some of this, though we still have a long way to go. There are studios we regularly refer who offer what we do not and they also do the same for us, but this is rare. What I see more often is studios and teachers trying to be all things to all people and this leads to a break down in community and expertise in certain areas.

That said, students of yoga and teachers of yoga, support what you say you want or know that, in the end, if these studios or teachers can not pay rent/their bills, they may end up being a Fossil.

Kirtan Yoga: Moving Out of the Studios and Into the Hospitals

 I am so very excited to have my first guest writer on It's a Yoga Thang! As someone  who is in-love with chanting/singing and understands the healing power behind these mantras, I am grateful that Allison Brooks reached out and wrote this article for me to share on this Blog. Thank you Allison!

Kirtan Yoga:

Moving out of the studios and into the hospitals

Kirtan, as most of you probably know, is the sacred expression of the language of the heart through sound and word. The exotic sounds and the “call-and-response chanting”, promote inner-peace, inner-transformation, and divine peace throughout the world. To intensify this mind+body revitalization, traditional yoga poses are practiced while the kirtankars perform, hence Kirtan Yoga.

Though a familiar term amongst avid yogis, the general public probably has no clue what Kirtan Yoga is or what benefits it can bring. That is why many practitioners and teachers have started moving their classes from their studios to hospitals, schools, nursing homes and so on.  So far the public reception of this healing art has been positive. Many students claim that they feel more open and revitalized after a Kirtan yoga class and some say they just go for the music.

The best part, the therapeutic effects of Kirtan not only touch the patients, but as well as the doctors and nurses of the patients. Jennifer Canfield, founder of the Call and Response Foundation, reminisced on one of her Kirtans at a local mental hospital and talked how the staff was moved to the point of tears by the chants. 

“I talked to one staff member who said that their job puts them in a constant state of tremendous stress, and as a result, many of them develop their own serious health problems,” quoted Jennifer.

Some of the staff member at that hospital and other facilities around started purchasing hand drums and other instruments to have local kirtankars come in and give lessons. Many hospitals and nursing have been incorporating weekly Kirtan session in their agendas to promote healing and stress-relief. The staff and patients acclaim that the session make them more positive and open-minded towards treatments, and more opt to work with the nurses.

Multiple Cancer treatment facilities consider Kirtan a complementary therapy and now recommend it for patients, especially those with a serious prognosis, like pancreatic or mesothelioma cancer. This should not undermine the use of Kirtan for any medical necessity, but doctors know that aggressive cancers need aggressive treatments, and that this sudden change leads to stress and reluctance towards treatment. Kirtan as well as other forms of yoga are able to positively combat these negative side-effects naturally, and help ease the physical and mental pain of treatments.

Confessions of a Spazzmastic Yogini

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OOps...I did it again. I've found myself in the same whirl-wind state of being I've tried so diligently to steer clear of.  This time though, I'm grateful for the abundance of great opportunities my schedule has offered up to me and at the same time, making changes necessary to take care of myself. Progress. It is true, The Great Universe sends us lessons over and over again until you "get it".  So, I was reminded of this article I had written for Origin Magazine last year and thought I would share it here as well. Enjoy the picture, it tells the truth.

Confessions of an Imperfectly Perfect Yogini

“Peaceful” Yogini With Anxiety

 When I teach yoga it is a channel of perfect peace, complete with rays of light beaming down upon me and the sounds of Heaven surrounding me. When I teach I feel grounded, centered, calm, and have no questions about who I am or what I am offering to the beautiful sentient beings before me contorting their bodies, breathing, and actually listening to what I have to say. It must be true that I am a channel for something far greater than myself because I have had students say that I have offered them the most brilliant original quotes I don’t remember uttering from my throat chakra.  Time and time again I have heard, ”DeAnna, you are just so peaceful and centered.”  Oh dear, how I hate to disappoint them when they add me as a friend on Facebook and they begin to witness the non-focused, mess-making, social networking addict that is woven into the fiber of my very being. 

     Throughout my yoga-teaching career, I have learned to be more upfront regarding my struggles with anxiety, my obsession with achieving greater and greater goals, and my insane almost manic need to over schedule and over commit. By nature I am a pleaser and a prover.  Pleaser + Prover = Petri Dish for anxiety.  I’ve found, thru my honesty, more students and people off the street are able to relate to me.  Let it be noted, I truly could be put out to live on the street some days, as that is how lost in the dizziness of my mind I can get when I forget to practice my pranayama.

     Anxiety is described as all sorts of things:  fear, worry, concern and apprehension.  All of which can serve their purpose if we were like animals and could use this flight or fight response accordingly, but we don’t. Our culture says we are not safe enough, we do not own enough possessions, aren’t pretty or handsome enough, and/or aren’t emotionally stable enough. Stop watching so much news and see your anxiety decrease. Recognize how many coupons are dropped into your email, tempting you to buy more crap you don’t need and you do it because now you can have one in every color, causing loss of space at home, which gives us shows like Hoarders. Pa-leeze can we have some real looking people on the cover of magazines and people actually purchase them?! Finally, let us not feel, it’s a sign of weakness; so instead, let’s kill our emotions with medicine (though I do agree sometimes medicine is needed). This mini rant will now require twenty minutes of Paschimottanasana and Viparita Karani in order for me to calm down (fans face).

     The bottom line is, we need to stay in the present moment. Yoga teaches us this, but hardly anyone listens because of the reasons I listed above. Somehow we have to balance living in our culture and practicing the philosophy of yoga. After hours and hours of research, second, third, and forth guessing myself, worrying whether or not I was on to something brilliant or simply something mediocre, I have come up with a solution.  It is taught regularly, the practice of Pranayama eases the suffering of anxiety and believe me, I’ve practiced enough Nadi Shodhana Pranyama (one hand on the wheel, the other on my nose) while driving that I’m certain many people have felt sorry for the poor girl picking her nose driving down the highway.  And sure, it works, but it acts as a Band-Aid to the wound underneath. What we need to work on is taming and changing our minds and lifestyles as much as possible.  From the 8 Limbs of Yoga, I believe a close look at the Niyamas is necessary, especially Santosha (contentment) and Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender).

I came across this brilliant quote by the late Richard Abell, another Imperfectly Perfect being like myself who said, ”Anxiety is the space between the now and then.” If we are not content, we are either grasping for something in the future or grieving over something in the past. If we can learn to surrender to the natural flow of life, understanding the only constant is change; it is much easier to maintain a feeling of peace and calm. I do believe it is possible to weave the philosophy of yoga into our every day lives, however it takes greater practice than simply hitting the yoga mat three or five times per week.  I can practice some pretty awesome arm balances, but they do not give me peace. What gives me peace are those fleeting moments when I let go of control and trust in the natural flow of the Universe, feeling gratitude for all that I have and all that I am, no matter how Imperfect it may seem.

DeAnna Shires Nielsen M.Ed. E-RYT 500 is the creator of Breathe into Recovery: Yoga for Addiction Recovery and Breathe into Bliss: Yoga for Emotional Healing , and Founder of Blue Anjou Yoga Studio in Lewisville, Texas. www.blueanjou.com

Facebook, A Networking Contradiction

 More often than not, I hear people complain about FB more than anything and I get it. In a way, life was easier before FB, things were more hidden and our world was smaller. Now, everything is in your face and sometimes your face is kissed and squeezed and other times your face is down-right slapped. It happens to ALL of us. So, here are a few of my thoughts and what I find is, the same things that we love are the same things that piss us off. Kinda like when you've been married for awhile. What you love most about your spouse becomes the source of some of your biggest challenges.

FB is AWESOME Because:

1) We get to Brag 

2) We get Attention

3) We connect with Old Friends

4) We Network

5) We Plan Events with Easy Invite Blasts

6) We get recipe ideas

7) We can vent our frustrations and get validation

8) We can Check-In Places to show people all the cool things we get to do

9) We love all of the awesome comments people leave us

10) We can be connected to all, we are all one

FB Pisses us off Because:

1) People Brag

2) We don't get enough attention, but can see others getting attention on the side bar ticker after we just posted an Epic post!

3) Our Old Friends only post about empty toilet paper rolls & the hot dog they had for lunch 

4) People Over-Network selling themselves or their product & they are better at it than we are

5) We see invites to parties and events we didn't receive

6) We feel insecure about our eating habits and feel judged for them

7) People vent entirely too much, complainers...ugh

8) Check-ins show the truth of where people really are when they cancel plans with you

9) We don't like comments people leave us speaking the truth so we delete them out of anger and truth denial

10) FB is still like 6th grade, it's clearly cliquish 

 How can I make this about Yoga? Well, personally I seek the truth and within constant contradiction I can see the truth about myself and others. AAhhhh....sweet, painful, yet beautiful  clarity. We are all walking contradictions, which means we are the same (see number 10 of why FB is AWESOME).