Facebook, A Networking Contradiction

 More often than not, I hear people complain about FB more than anything and I get it. In a way, life was easier before FB, things were more hidden and our world was smaller. Now, everything is in your face and sometimes your face is kissed and squeezed and other times your face is down-right slapped. It happens to ALL of us. So, here are a few of my thoughts and what I find is, the same things that we love are the same things that piss us off. Kinda like when you've been married for awhile. What you love most about your spouse becomes the source of some of your biggest challenges.

FB is AWESOME Because:

1) We get to Brag 

2) We get Attention

3) We connect with Old Friends

4) We Network

5) We Plan Events with Easy Invite Blasts

6) We get recipe ideas

7) We can vent our frustrations and get validation

8) We can Check-In Places to show people all the cool things we get to do

9) We love all of the awesome comments people leave us

10) We can be connected to all, we are all one

FB Pisses us off Because:

1) People Brag

2) We don't get enough attention, but can see others getting attention on the side bar ticker after we just posted an Epic post!

3) Our Old Friends only post about empty toilet paper rolls & the hot dog they had for lunch 

4) People Over-Network selling themselves or their product & they are better at it than we are

5) We see invites to parties and events we didn't receive

6) We feel insecure about our eating habits and feel judged for them

7) People vent entirely too much, complainers...ugh

8) Check-ins show the truth of where people really are when they cancel plans with you

9) We don't like comments people leave us speaking the truth so we delete them out of anger and truth denial

10) FB is still like 6th grade, it's clearly cliquish 

 How can I make this about Yoga? Well, personally I seek the truth and within constant contradiction I can see the truth about myself and others. AAhhhh....sweet, painful, yet beautiful  clarity. We are all walking contradictions, which means we are the same (see number 10 of why FB is AWESOME).

I Love You Anyway

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”  ―C. S. Lewis

This is the 78th day of my 108 Day Svadhyaya (Self-Study) and I still love everybody (though some days barely).

A friend once asked me,"Gawd, you LOVE everybody, how do you do it?" My response was,"I don't know, I just see their heart, beyond the persona,  beyond the anger, painful actions, etc... honestly, I just "see" the best in people."

People are easy to love if you can see the Divine in everyone, it's just some people have so many layers of hurt and pain covering them up it's sometimes difficult to see through their crummy actions to the brilliance of their light (even if it is dimly lit). Sometimes our expectations of people get in the way of us loving each other too.

Loving everyone doesn't mean that if you walked into your home and someone was stealing your stuff you would say,"Excuse me, don't you know I love you, please don't violate my home, and by the way, the color of that shirt does not properly highlight the natural beauty of your skin." Or if someone speaks ill of you it doesn't mean you don't take the time to consider if this person is worth additional time because they are too busy NOT seeing the Divine in you to love you or themselves for that matter. It also doesn't mean if you were on the street and got mugged that you would give the perpetrator a great big hug right then and  there and say," Thank you for hurting me just now, that was awesome!"It also doesn't mean that everyone is your BFF, that you run to every one's rescue, or that you are supposed to become a door mat for all who cross your path or even that you try and play by everyone else's rules. 

Loving others IS seeing the Divine in others, while at the same time seeing yourself within them also. What is it about others that we reject within ourselves because we are afraid of truly looking within? What is it we want for ourselves that other people have? What expectations do we have for ourselves that we project on to others? How often do we NOT allow people to be human, making mistakes, just like we do?

During my self-study I have have had some Lessons pop back up where people are too busy judging me to love me and too busy not loving themselves to "see" me (my heart) loving them anyway. I resist every fiber in my being that wants to grab them and say, "'Don't you see I REALLY care about you? I really love you and wish you happiness?" Instead, I watch rumors fly, judgements be cast, stories developed about me that are not true, and time and time again I am not allowed to make mistakes.  Some days it takes unbelievable will power for me to keep from closing up my heart and stop putting myself out there for others. I never do that though. Instead, I give myself the "Do Your Best and Keep on Loving Pep Talk".  What I see is that most people come around, albeit years later, but only when they realize what love looks like.

Also, to be loved, one does not need to be "perfect". What is perfect? You do not need to please others in order to be loved. Your only duty is to be authentic, true to yourself, and the love and appreciation will be real and not based on some sort of persona you have built for yourself. This takes courage and makes you vulnerable, but THIS is loving yourself. When you can look in the mirror and give yourself the I Love You Anyway speech, it is then you can truly open yourself up to others and it is then that you will experience more joy than pain, more life than boredom, more inspiration than depression.  We are meant to love and be loved. It's a Universal Truth.

I am reminded of one of my most favorite things I have ever read, simple and true:

When they were finished reading, Olivia's Mother gives her a kiss and says,"You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway."

 And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says,"I love you anyway too."

I Forgive You because I Love Me

 I'm  now 59 days into intense self-study.  With that comes trips down memory lane through the reading of journals and the sweeping up of debris still stuck in my mind-attic. Just the other day I found an old journal in my real-live attic in my home from way back in 2004. It was a program Caroline Myss wrote and the very first assignment presented was to write about different "Contracts" we had with people in our lives where we still felt harmed in some way. In the process of doing this, we came to realize how these people who had harmed us, had taught us about ourselves and had added to our life experience, becoming significant teachers on our life path. It wasn't until late last year that I finally began to let go of the most painful experiences I had had and it was only through forgiveness that I began to heal completely. I now realize that I went through all of these things in order to help others in similar situations. I am now grateful for the experiences I have had.  Today I find it very easy to forgive people because now I don't blame them or take on a victim role, rather I look for the lesson they are there to teach me. 

 Ironically, as I focus on myself,  I am finding it much easier to become less self-absorbed and hear, feel, and see clearly where humanity is suffering. What I am hearing, seeing, and feeling is our habit of holding on to entirely too much emotional junk that does not serve us as individuals or as a collective whole. We are walking around wounded, wounding others and further harming ourselves. We re-live our painful childhoods, broken friendships, "failed" careers, divorces, often blaming others, waiting for them to apologize to us, but, we rarely find the peace we are looking for based on an apology, as the only real peace we find is through forgiveness that comes from the heart knowledge that we are all connected. Truth is, we all screw up somewhere, sometime, and all of us have room to forgive as well as to be forgiven.

 Why should you forgive that no-good asshole? When you hold on to resentment toward someone, you are bond to them energetically and they own a piece of you. If you want to be free you must let their harmful actions go. This does not mean you have forgotten what has happened and you should still be discerning, but holding onto anger, blame, and hurt is like drinking poison over and over again and what it is killing is your joyful spirit. Why are you giving them more of your life? Instead of letting them take more of your life away, see the gift they have given you. Maybe they have taught you to increase your intuition so you are not harmed again? Maybe they have taught you just how powerful you really are?

So, how do you do this without talking to the person who has hurt you? This may seem a bit hokey, but I use it and it works. Because of our energetic connection with every living being on this planet, we can easily connect at a higher level of awareness if we are so inclined. Just as you think of someone and suddenly they call you, you can call on some one's "higher self" and reach them in a way you may not realize. If you pray, you are trusting that God is ever-present and you can tap into the source at anytime. Like-wise we can do this with each other. I suggest finding a quiet space, breathing deeply and slowly (the best way to connect with your heart-space), begin to visualize your higher self and the person you need to forgive, their higher self, and have a conversation right there.  The conversation must not have blame or hurt surrounding it, only words that offer forgiveness and love. You are not excusing their actions, but seeing past those actions to their purest, joyful, loving self. This understanding and awareness breaks down walls and actually opens energy up for healing to take place. I have done this without the other person ever knowing and it is amazing how my relationship changed with them. Try it. Don't take my word for it. Do it and see what happens. Your thoughts and intentions are powerful. Use them for the greatest good and you will have joy and you will have peace.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~Mahatma Ghandi

Who's Your Puppet? Who's Puppet Are You? That is the Question.

Day 35 of  108 Days of intense self-study of my Life Play. I'm not rating it yet, but I'm guessing it's probably rated about the same as everyone else's at certain times of their lives and so, I think we can all relate.


I'm on Chapter 6 of The Bhagavad Gita and it is as if each chapter follows the lessons my life is offering me for growth in any given week.  The following is my self study challenge this week inspired by the Gita.


A short summery of chapter six as it resonates with me: Through Meditation one learns to calm an agitated mind in order to keep outside experiences from swaying us from knowing ourselves completely and loving ourselves fully. When we truly know and love ourselves, we are no longer bothered by other people's view of who they think we are AND we no longer try and fit people into roles we want them to play in our story of life because we no longer live in a story of illusion, but rather in a story of truth, seeing all sentient beings as sparks of the Divine and having equal regard for all, be they elephants, rats, Saintly beings or the worst kind of criminal. We also learn not to be elated by good fortune or depressed by the bad, rather, looking inward towards self realization and seeing those same qualities in others.  

The Great Illusion: All The World's A Stage.....

You can build a stage in your mind and you can assign roles to the people you interact with, who then become actors in your life, rather than allowing them to be the beautiful imperfectly perfect beings they are with their own views and experiences. You can put words in their mouths and create experiences for them that aren't even true without them knowing it.  You can do this all without their permission, but you can not, without their permission make them do or be anything that they do not agree to. If we take the time to know ourselves, we can no longer be played by someone with ill intentions and what once was a person administering a mind-fuck is now seen as a person suffering more than you are.  You can then choose to offer compassion and understanding while refusing to play dress rehearsal with them.


No thank you. I don't like that outfit you picked out for me, it doesn't fit. Those aren't my shoes to fill.


No thank you. I really don't need to create more Drama in my life to feel interesting and to be entertained.


No thank you. I don't have to buy into your script to "see" or "hear" you; we can agree to disagree and I can love you just the same.


No thank you. I won't re-wind and replay those negative words you said about me in my mind because I've checked and they do not resonate within my sacred mind-space.

No thank you. I don't think I will stay in this chapter anymore and our contract is over until a sequel that resonates more harmoniously for us both is written.



But, yes, thank you for allowing me the freedom to be myself. Thank you for telling me I don't need to play by your rules or become something I am not to please you and you do not need to change to please me.  I am pleased by you already because I truly see you, I truly hear you, because within you, I see me and I am not afraid to take a good, close, look because I am my own Stage Manager and I happen to know the story I'm writing has a happy ending. I wish the same for you too.

INNERState Road Rage

I'm 28 Days into Svadhyaya (Self-Study). 28 Days of looking in the mirror without make-up on and in natural lighting.

Some days I have boogers in my nose and other days I shine with brilliance like the most perfect flower.

My Guide for the intention of the week comes from The Bhagavad Gita. I read/study a chapter each Sunday and it sets the focus for the week. What do I need to work on? What have I already mastered in my life (for now)?

I'm on Chapter Five and this Girlfriend has some work to do, though I'll give myself props for what I have already accomplished.

What have I learned So Far?


I'm A:

Walking/Yoga Posing Contradiction (I don't like this, I don't do that...except for when I do)

Advocate for the Greater Good (I do seek to serve for the Greater Good, even if it does not serve me, always have)

Person In Need of Support Just Like Everyone Else (Learning to ask for help)

Recovered Self-Righteous Person (My path is no longer better than your path, it's all good, but that doesn't mean I need to walk your path with you to prove I love you)




I Have:

Inner Road Rage. (Internal conflict I blame on my Irish and Italian Genetics and my need to always be busy)

A Huge Heart and Love to Give (Take it or leave, believe it or don't...It's always been there for the taking, but no longer for the abusing)

Limited Time for What is Important (I have grieved for lost time with my family for career pursuits...no more)

Need for being Discerning rather than Judgemental (Fine line)

Embraced Meditation Fully (to help sort out  and/or absorb all of the above)


This Week in The Bhagavad Gita: (Focus on the Inner Road Rage mentioned above)

Renunciation Vs. Action:

"The one who is able to master the force born of anger and desire here in this world before release from the body is a karma-yogin. He or She indeed is a happy person."

Action is better than inaction (renunciation), but the intent should be for the greater good and there should be no attachment to the outcome of our actions, be they "positive" or "negative". My InnerState Highway is very busy, like rush hour on a Friday. To choose my actions wisely, I am asking myself why I am driven to do this or that and I know if my heart is in the place of love, then the action is worth doing and I should stay on the road. If I selfishly expect something in return, then it is better not to act and get off of the road until I can come from a more honest place. This should be interesting and I rather enjoy Happiness Road. If I am happy, I can better serve others and this makes me even more happy.

I Chose Meditation Over Whiskey! *High Fiver to Me*

I'm now into Day 17 of my 108 Days of Svadhyaya (Self-Study).


I've been learning a lot and it's nothing like I thought it would be, not in the feelings I have or in the methods I have actually embraced. I'm going to choose one subject of the 108 Day journey I am surprised about. 


 : BRAG ALERT: This is a very monumental accomplishment for me. 



I've practiced yoga almost 20 years and have tried and tried to practice meditation in a way that made me crave it. After trying dozens of methods of meditation, Tratak meditation (candle gazing) has been my meditation of choice until a good friend of mine I met via Facebook offered me a 15 minute meditation consisting of pranayama, visualizations, chanting, self-inquiry, and dedication of offering. This has been the PERFECT meditation for me. This is keeping my anxiety in check and the levels of anxiety I feel are much lower AND I feel more connected to my purest self and the world as a whole. While there are many more topics I could write about in this Blog today, one thing I KNOW about this moment, is I have 20 minutes to write this, no more than that and that is enough and THAT is what meditation is teaching me.

 Through this new meditation method I have realized I am attached to negative labels *shudders*, labels that I tell everyone else to reject. "Refrain from negatively labeling yourself, you will become dependant on it," I often say. It turns out I have been attached to my label as a person with anxiety AND have spoken openly about my Cracked Out Monkey Mind that I feel gives me spunk and helps me accomplish my many projects (with a smile on my face). I am happy to announce I've not been feeding my monkey crack anymore and I still have spunk....spunk with clarity....and I'm getting more accomplished now than I ever thought possible...with less mistakes even......and my smile is almost so ridiculous it could be on a Orbit Gum commercial with sparks of stars flying off my teeth it's so bright.


So, I am detaching myself from these labels that no longer serve me. I am changing my Labeling of Cracked Out Monkey Mind with Anxiety and am now calling myself a Serious Meditator in recovery from anxiety. I knew my new label was working when I had an exceptionally challenging day a few days ago and wanted a quick fix of  Wild Turkey 101 and Coke Zero so I could relax while I was cooking dinner for my family. Instead, I put down the chopping knife mid-bell pepper, went to my Sun Room and practiced meditation. I craved it. In that moment I KNEW I had become a consistent Meditator (with a capital M).

So, naturally, the first thing I did was create my meditation space and I documented it with a couple of photos. I have had a chair in my Sun Room for a couple of years with stuff piled on top of it (the stuff changes) and so, I dusted it off, fluffed the cushions and sat down to begin dusting off my mind. It's a beautiful journey and my 20 minutes is up. Enjoy the before and after pictures of where it all happens. I wish I could show you a picture of my brain activity also, it's probably all Zen like with only a few cobwebs here and there. So in-love with this journey. 

BEFORE

AFTER

Certified Authentic, Sold As Is

Most anyone practicing yoga will tell you they are on a path of self-improvement and probably on some sort of mission to change something within the world. Yogis have admirable and lofty goals, but along the way they often become confused about their true identity, adopting “what-they-believe-the-yoga-community-deems-proper” personas.

I have witnessed teachers and students beat themselves up because they eat meat, party like an un-yogic rock star, feel feelings of anger, or physically struggle to practice arm balances and inversions. On the flip side, I’ve witnessed teachers and students subtly and overtly judge each other for all those same reasons. If yoga is ultimately about Unity with the Divine and unity begins with self-acceptance, why then do we not allow ourselves and others to BE “real” at any given time without labeling one reality better than another? What is it to BE anyway? It’s just what it says: “authenticity” in a much shorter word.

When we begin practicing the Niyamas or personal disciplines, the second limb of The Eight Limbs of Yoga, we are challenged to “get real”. Svadhyaya (Self Examination or Study) is the fourth of the five Niyamas and it is a swift kick in the asana. Svadhyaya means to intentionally find self-awareness in all our activities and efforts. It teaches us to be truth centered and non-reactive to what we label “good” or “bad” about ourselves. It eventually exposes what we can change and what we must simply accept as a part of who we are.

As we study, we are forced to ask: what is real and true? What are we making up through cloudy perception? What serves us, what doesn’t?

What ultimately serves us is embracing our authenticity by learning tools to express ourselves as compassionately as possible. What gets in the way of authenticity is fear of rejection. To protect ourselves from rejection, we build a walls around our hearts. And we create different masks to wear, believing these will help us become more acceptable, more loveable, and for us Yogis, more “Yogic”.

e.e. Cummings said it best, “To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” To practice this quote is to be brave, to risk being disliked for who you truly are, but the reward for this bravery is that you are loved for all that you are, imperfections and all.

My Grandfather recently passed away and he taught me, above anything else, to be myself. He never actually told me to be myself; he simply modeled it for me through what my Mom calls “being eccentric to the extreme”. What I once saw as embarrassing or overtly opinionated, I now see as bravery through self-love and acceptance. My Grandfather was the same around everyone because he didn’t have any of those silly masks to hide behind.

I believe the practice of Yoga as a philosophy leads to the burning of masks. In order to do this, we must look at where we maintain false realities based on fear and rejection. Honest evaluation of these false realities is where healing begins. As I am prone to say,”Heal yourself, heal the world.” Nobody said Svadhyaya was easy. My own path of self-discovery and healing has been ugly and painful … but no more so than anyone else’s. And I still have a lot of work to do. Sometimes I want to hide behind a mask or start building up another wall around my heart, but then I remember who I am, that I am doing my best and that even my best won’t ever be good enough for some. I remember I am Divine Love (and so are you) and just so I don’t forget this, I’ve tattooed Aham Prema (I Am Divine Love in Sanskrit) on my wrist and when I doubt myself, I close my eyes and chant this mantra: “You get me, as I am, flaws and all. I accept you, flaws and all.” I believe, at our core, Divine Love is a piece of us all. As we examine ourselves further, practicing Svadhyaya, ultimately this is what we learn. We cannot learn this lesson without the study.

I am on day two of my 108 Days of Svadhyaya adventure and well, it's not going as planned and what I am learning is plans mean nothing and the waves of the Universe will re-direct your plans as needed, whether you think it is good for you or not {meditates on wrist and repeats mantra}.