Vote For Me! YAY!

Awards Emblem

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Gossip, A Destructive Habit

“Using the analogy of the human mind as a computer, gossip can be compared to a computer virus. A computer virus is a piece of computer language written in the same language all the other codes are written in, but with a harmful intent.”
–Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Proverbs 11:13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
Proverbs 16:28 a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
All of us have, at some point been the victims of hurtful gossip and all of us have been the issuer of gossip or the entertainer of gossip. I am writing this because I have been a victim of gossip for over two years, since opening my yoga studio and it has hurt me deeply, making me feel helpless and tired. As a general rule I never say anything I wouldn't say to someone myself and if I hear something, I go to the source and ask questions (though, to my amazement, I have found that some people would rather hold on to negativity and the image they have created of you rather than get to the "truth" through an honest discussion or simply by looking at a person’s overall character to see if things add up). No matter how "big" or "small" the gossip may seem, chances are it will becomes much larger than you could have ever imagined as your words take on a life of their own.

“Good” Gossip/Sharing
In general we rarely sit around and talk about how great someone is or how wonderful it is they have such a lovely life, but we should do more of this. I admire people who can find something positive to say about everyone, even when that person has hurt him or her in some way. I believe these people have more awareness and allow for the human condition of making mistakes and/or the understanding that our perception of a situation may be skewed. We can express opinions without being judgmental. We can look at both sides of a situation and find a common ground. This keeps Unity in place. This is Yoga.

“Bad” Gossip/Harmful Intent
There is a line between sharing to get clarification and vengeful gossip. The first thing you should do if you have a problem with someone is go to them directly before you spread harmful words that may not be the truth, but rather a misunderstanding. Try and assume that the person you are about to “trash” may not even realize what they have done, may be struggling with some sort of crisis which causes them to act out of character, and/or consider your own view might be clouded due to your own life experience at any given moment. Going forth and blindly insulting someone’s character or actions or going along with someone who is doing this is destructive and hurtful. This path destroys friendships, families, communities, and personal character. This is not Yoga.

Issuer's Intent “Tear someone down”
Jealousy, and/or Revenge (To feel superior by bringing someone else down)
For Control, Power, and/or Fear (Those who do not want to see anyone else succeed so they are always on top)
To feel a part of a group (If they have something to say, it will make them feel more valuable)
Boredom (If their life is not interesting, they may gravitate towards situations that are.)

Entertainers Role “Taking Sides”
All of the above applies to this, but I would say the entertainer is even more responsible for the hurtful gossip because he/she gives life to the gossip and many times the person is “taking sides” without the victim of the gossip ever having done anything to them. This is a situation that tears friendships and communities apart. In my experience, finding out that an Issuer has gone to my friends to spread ill intention about me, then my friends not tell me and also not defend my character has resulted in a loss of trust between some close friends and myself. I have also witnessed a change in treatment from one person and then all of a sudden anyone associated with that person also starts treating me differently. Again, I always ask questions when these things start to happen, but I do not always get an answer.
Have you ever found yourself saying,”OMG, I KNOW, you are sooo right about that, I never thought about that? He or she IS just as you say! If so, you are being swayed and giving life to something that may not even be true. If we want peace, then we must ask questions and form our own opinions, not because we want someone else to like us, but because it is the “right” thing to do. In fact, I have defended a couple of people who have trashed me because I do not believe in adding fuel to the fire and do know, deep down, they are hurting just like I am.

Victim Feels
Alone, devastated, helpless, embarrassed, used, betrayed, and the list goes on. Never underestimate the power gossip causes, no matter how “strong” or “put together” the person you are gossiping about appears. Chances are, the person you are gossiping about is just as sensitive as you are and maybe even more so.

How to Stop Gossiping
Go to the source, ask questions and clear the air (Integrity)
Look at the overall character of the person. (Awareness)
Tell an issuer to “Go to the person they are taking about” (Teach them it is ok to communicate openly) without taking sides.
Form your own opinions about people, but always act from a place of compassion.
Ask yourself if what you are about to say going to improve on the silence.
Stop buying Gossip centered Magazines or watching Gossipy TV shows. (admit it, there is a sense of pleasure you get knowing the rich and famous get knocked down a few rungs)
Choose a couple of close friends you can confide in who you know will call you on your words if they become gossipy or you cross the line. (I have made this pact with a couple of close friends)
If something happens between yourself and someone else, do an inventory of your entire relationship with the person. How have they helped you in the past? How do they do for others? A favorite quote of mine is, ”Blessed are those who give without remembering and receive without forgetting.” This quote has shown me that even those who have gossiped about me have done good things for me and therefore, I cannot judge them on this one thing, no matter how harmful it has been to me.

If you do these things you cannot hide what is truly going on inside of yourself and it is an opportunity for growth. We should want others to grow and live in peace, just as we want to grow and live in peace. Mother Teresa said, ”If we have no peace in the world, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other”.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Freedom From Suffering

"Karuna is not merely showing pity or compassion and shedding tears of despair for the misery (duhkha) of others. It is compassion coupled with devoted action to relieve the misery of the afflicted. The yogi uses all his resources -- physical, economic, mental or moral -- to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. He shares his strength with the weak until they become strong. He shares his courage with those that are timid until they become brave by his example. He denies the maxim of the 'survival of the fittest', but makes the weak strong enough to survive. He becomes a shelter to one and all."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 45th paragraph of the Introduction.

Mother Theresa also said,"If we have no peace in the world, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

As I put together a special class for Haiti this coming Sunday, I realize the destruction or tragedy it often takes for most people to stop and show compassion. Perhaps they are unaware that what happens to you also happens to me and what happens to me also happens to you. While I am honored to teach a class for a special purpose, openly advertised as such, I like to think that every class I teach is an offering to relieve suffering of others. Relieving suffering has always been the intention behind my teaching, but it seems, in the coming together for a specific purpose, the energy and intention behind it is greater because people's emotions are more open.

The following is a video I came across awhile back. The images are disturbing, but the message can not do anything but bring out the compassion in others and the realization that we all need and want the same things.

The chant is Lokha Samasta Sukino Bhavantu "May all the world be happy."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bustin Out

See, I didn't make any resolutions for 2010, but I have a feelin I am going to be bustin out of some boxes people have put me in this year. I don't like boxes, as they are crowded, dark, not to mention it's tough to spread out in them (you know, wings, halos and other body parts) and even as a not-so-perfect Yogini, I still recognize that's not a good thing because boxes do cramp my living yoga style.

Yoga teaches us to pay attention. So do showers (I find a lot of clarity in showers). When my body starts to become tight, my breath shallow, my spirit confined, I know some changes need to be made. Sometimes changes mean shedding relationships, careers, environments, that insist on putting you in their little cramped box. Sometimes, you have to look yourself in the mirror and say NO to letting yourself be put in these boxy situations in the first place.

Then, read this quote: Always think outside the box and embrace opportunities that appear, wherever they might be. Lakshmi Mittal

Stepping outside the box, or many boxes and being yourself is a brave thing. Not everyone is going to like you stepping outside of their little box they have created for you and you may feel uncomfortable shedding the box you have created for yourself, but Yoga teaches us that our journey is to reunite with the Divine within, our greatest Bliss. How can we do this if we allow others to create our story for us or if we keep re-playing and buying into the "I should be" or "they want me to be" noise?

Shhhhhh...did you hear that? What's that sound?

Only the sound of my feet stepping out of a nasty box.

Who's with me?