I Helped A Little Old Lady Today

I am so honored to have this guest entry by someone I admire for her raw honesty and for this both inspiring and heart breaking story that teaches us it's never too late to help others and to apologize to those we have harmed, even if it means we can only forgive ourselves for those we have harmed.We must dig deep into the heart wounds in order to grow and this expresses this beautifully.

Warning: Have a tissue ready.....

 

 

I helped a little old lady at the grocery store today.  I pulled up 2 spaces away from her (Front Row Joe!) and as I walked past her car, I saw her getting her cane ready.  But, there was something in her hesitant manner.  So I asked if I could offer her a hand.  She accepted and told me that she’d hurt her knee again this morning.  Her hesitation was bracing for the pain that was about to come exploding out of her knee when she stepped up on the sidewalk. 

I hooked my arm under and around hers; giving her another moment to psyche herself up, then we both stepped up on the curb.  The weight I bore was next to nothing.  She was a tiny little white haired thing.  I touched her hand and left her to walk into the store alone.

 

 

 

I was immediately reminded of the day I beat my dog.  Yes, the day I beat my (elderly) dog for shitting all over the floor and not getting her ass over the papers.  There were eight square feet of papers available for her to shit on, and she still managed to get her diarrhea all over the floor.  I was livid.  And I beat her.  Five times, hard, on her ass.  I didn’t care that she was arthritic.  I didn’t know that she was cancer-ridden at the time and just didn’t make it.  In fact, she was probably humiliated by the fact she couldn’t control her bowels…and I beat her for it.

I wanted to cry.  For the dog, long dead from cancer, for the rage-filled woman that I once was.  For my own mother, who will never be assisted by a stranger because her body is so large, no one would want to bear that weight to help her up onto a sidewalk.

Why was I so angry?  I have no answer.  I can justify, sure.  We all have “things” in our past that totally mind-fuck us.  But…why was I so angry?  How did I allow myself to become that awful, mean, vicious person?  I still want to cry.  Oh hell, I am crying.  I’m unsuccessfully trying to choke back the tears because I work in a cubicle in an office.  My nose is dripping.  I wonder who will be the one to beat me.  When I’m old and alone and cancer-ridden and unable to make it to the bathroom in time.

 

 

 

 

 

I do the yoga.  I’ve done the therapy.  I read the books.  I do the meditation.  I’m still working on it. I’m really sorry, Erin.

 

By~Julie Tijerina

 

 

Is Old School Yoga Becoming Extinct?

 Is Old School Yoga on it's way to extinction or can the more modern methods and Old School methods coexist?  It reminds me of the 80's when snowboarding started to become popular.  Skiers and Snowboarders butted heads for many years and still occasionally do, but both are surviving on the Mountain together. (I'm Old School here too...Snowboarders test my yoga patience).

I attended The International Yoga Festival in Early March, where in 2007 I came to meet one of my primary teachers Vamadeva/Dr. Frawley. This year he and Yogaini Shambhavi did not speak there and for students like myself, I felt this year, there was little there for me. As I gathered from the locals and attendees through the years, the word was that things had become too "Hollywood"....and too physically focused. Personally, I attended Kundalini Yoga, one Iyengar cass, and the rest was lecture. The lectures were not well attended, while the asana classes were so packed, many people were turned away. I then realized how blessed I am that my studio does as well as it does because of what and how we teach and where we teach it.

Old School studios and teachers frequently mention their frustration concerning the Boom of yoga as a popular exercises (substituting asana class as Yoga), one that may harm the practitioner or creates the impression on beginner "yogis" that, often times, is one that gets them accustomed to focusing more on the external rather than the internal. Truth be told, it's more difficult to work the mind, which requires healing the aches and pains of the heart that many people do not feel safe tapping into (because our culture is so external), but one thing I know is...this is where Yoga (by definition, not by asana brand) is found and where personal growth and compassion is cultivated. I'm not writing about yoga asana injuries here, as that has been beaten to death already, I am simply bringing this up because so many beginners hurt themselves and never give yoga a second chance (the tragedy). This is why us Old Schoolers get our yoga mats all bunched up in a wad. Asana alone is not yoga, but yoga can be taught through asana.


Through the years my attitude has gone back and forth on the subject of the Old School or Modern approach, usually concluding that we are all on our own path and who are we to judge what path is greater than the other? I support people practicing whatever physical practice they wish to practice and the only thing I might change is what we call our classes (and maybe hunker down more on the quality of education yoga teacher are receiving...which is another topic altogether). Asana Class is more appropriate or even Inspired Asana Class in many cases. I even feel like this regarding my studio if the class is more than 50% asana (which are most of them). I have been to power vinyasa yoga classes, Iyengar classes, or any hybrid class you can imagine (except Bikram since I know I can not handle the heat) and if the class is void of pranayama, then to me, it's not yoga (my opinion). Otherwise, if the teacher teaches us to breathe and offers modifications that help calm and center our bodies and minds...then this is Yoga (no matter what the style). Yoga is everywhere if we are taught what yoga actually is, unfortunately, those lessons are fewer and fewer because it is the rare student who will sit and listen to a 15 minute lecture on yoga philosophy before asana class begins.

So, what IS disturbing to me and why I am writing this, are the amount of articles and Blogs I read regarding studios just like mine shutting down and teachers just like me giving up teaching altogether because they do not feel they have an audience and therefore, can not pay the bills. At my studio we call the majority of our classes Hatha Yoga Classes because this is the branch of yoga that takes the physical route as a stepping stone to self-realization which is where most modern people choose to start.  All asana-based classes are formed from the umbrella of Hatha Yoga, one of the Six Branches of yoga. Unfortunately, many people assume calling a class Hatha Yoga means "Yoga for the old and injured". This is not true and mildly irritating if I allow it to be. When I was a teacher at a popular fitness facility, teaching a watered-down version of what I believed in, my classes were packed. Today, taking the step to be more authentic in my teachings (as I desire to teach), I find my classes, while well attended, are  a 1/3 the size they were at the other place (which I actually prefer because I feel it is more safe and easier to make a connection with my students). It is also true, that since our classes attract those using Hatha Yoga as their spiritual practice, we become like church, people attending once a week only. This makes it more difficult for us to fill classes and keep a schedule that compares to other studios in the area who offer more fitness-style classes where their people attend 3-5 times per week. This also requires us to locate in an area that is undesirable so we can afford rent. So what happens? Only the most dedicated to the deeper components of yoga will make that drive and those who would actually enjoy the practice don't bother to make the drive because we are a culture of convenience.

 So, this is an educational blog entry for those who love Old School yoga. If you wish these kinds of studios to stay in business and these kinds of teachers to keep teaching, then you need to support them. I see and hear a lot of talk from individuals regarding being "into" the deeper teachings, though the physical body still seems to rule because why else would the Old School studios and Old School teachers be shutting down and giving up? We say we want a more Sattvic mind, though we take most of our classes that feed the Rajasic mind that already rules us and causes us frustration and suffering.

It has always been my wish that we could all work together, to cultivate Unity in the yoga commUNITY and I am seeing some of this, though we still have a long way to go. There are studios we regularly refer who offer what we do not and they also do the same for us, but this is rare. What I see more often is studios and teachers trying to be all things to all people and this leads to a break down in community and expertise in certain areas.

That said, students of yoga and teachers of yoga, support what you say you want or know that, in the end, if these studios or teachers can not pay rent/their bills, they may end up being a Fossil.

Kirtan Yoga: Moving Out of the Studios and Into the Hospitals

 I am so very excited to have my first guest writer on It's a Yoga Thang! As someone  who is in-love with chanting/singing and understands the healing power behind these mantras, I am grateful that Allison Brooks reached out and wrote this article for me to share on this Blog. Thank you Allison!

Kirtan Yoga:

Moving out of the studios and into the hospitals

Kirtan, as most of you probably know, is the sacred expression of the language of the heart through sound and word. The exotic sounds and the “call-and-response chanting”, promote inner-peace, inner-transformation, and divine peace throughout the world. To intensify this mind+body revitalization, traditional yoga poses are practiced while the kirtankars perform, hence Kirtan Yoga.

Though a familiar term amongst avid yogis, the general public probably has no clue what Kirtan Yoga is or what benefits it can bring. That is why many practitioners and teachers have started moving their classes from their studios to hospitals, schools, nursing homes and so on.  So far the public reception of this healing art has been positive. Many students claim that they feel more open and revitalized after a Kirtan yoga class and some say they just go for the music.

The best part, the therapeutic effects of Kirtan not only touch the patients, but as well as the doctors and nurses of the patients. Jennifer Canfield, founder of the Call and Response Foundation, reminisced on one of her Kirtans at a local mental hospital and talked how the staff was moved to the point of tears by the chants. 

“I talked to one staff member who said that their job puts them in a constant state of tremendous stress, and as a result, many of them develop their own serious health problems,” quoted Jennifer.

Some of the staff member at that hospital and other facilities around started purchasing hand drums and other instruments to have local kirtankars come in and give lessons. Many hospitals and nursing have been incorporating weekly Kirtan session in their agendas to promote healing and stress-relief. The staff and patients acclaim that the session make them more positive and open-minded towards treatments, and more opt to work with the nurses.

Multiple Cancer treatment facilities consider Kirtan a complementary therapy and now recommend it for patients, especially those with a serious prognosis, like pancreatic or mesothelioma cancer. This should not undermine the use of Kirtan for any medical necessity, but doctors know that aggressive cancers need aggressive treatments, and that this sudden change leads to stress and reluctance towards treatment. Kirtan as well as other forms of yoga are able to positively combat these negative side-effects naturally, and help ease the physical and mental pain of treatments.

Confessions of a Spazzmastic Yogini

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OOps...I did it again. I've found myself in the same whirl-wind state of being I've tried so diligently to steer clear of.  This time though, I'm grateful for the abundance of great opportunities my schedule has offered up to me and at the same time, making changes necessary to take care of myself. Progress. It is true, The Great Universe sends us lessons over and over again until you "get it".  So, I was reminded of this article I had written for Origin Magazine last year and thought I would share it here as well. Enjoy the picture, it tells the truth.

Confessions of an Imperfectly Perfect Yogini

“Peaceful” Yogini With Anxiety

 When I teach yoga it is a channel of perfect peace, complete with rays of light beaming down upon me and the sounds of Heaven surrounding me. When I teach I feel grounded, centered, calm, and have no questions about who I am or what I am offering to the beautiful sentient beings before me contorting their bodies, breathing, and actually listening to what I have to say. It must be true that I am a channel for something far greater than myself because I have had students say that I have offered them the most brilliant original quotes I don’t remember uttering from my throat chakra.  Time and time again I have heard, ”DeAnna, you are just so peaceful and centered.”  Oh dear, how I hate to disappoint them when they add me as a friend on Facebook and they begin to witness the non-focused, mess-making, social networking addict that is woven into the fiber of my very being. 

     Throughout my yoga-teaching career, I have learned to be more upfront regarding my struggles with anxiety, my obsession with achieving greater and greater goals, and my insane almost manic need to over schedule and over commit. By nature I am a pleaser and a prover.  Pleaser + Prover = Petri Dish for anxiety.  I’ve found, thru my honesty, more students and people off the street are able to relate to me.  Let it be noted, I truly could be put out to live on the street some days, as that is how lost in the dizziness of my mind I can get when I forget to practice my pranayama.

     Anxiety is described as all sorts of things:  fear, worry, concern and apprehension.  All of which can serve their purpose if we were like animals and could use this flight or fight response accordingly, but we don’t. Our culture says we are not safe enough, we do not own enough possessions, aren’t pretty or handsome enough, and/or aren’t emotionally stable enough. Stop watching so much news and see your anxiety decrease. Recognize how many coupons are dropped into your email, tempting you to buy more crap you don’t need and you do it because now you can have one in every color, causing loss of space at home, which gives us shows like Hoarders. Pa-leeze can we have some real looking people on the cover of magazines and people actually purchase them?! Finally, let us not feel, it’s a sign of weakness; so instead, let’s kill our emotions with medicine (though I do agree sometimes medicine is needed). This mini rant will now require twenty minutes of Paschimottanasana and Viparita Karani in order for me to calm down (fans face).

     The bottom line is, we need to stay in the present moment. Yoga teaches us this, but hardly anyone listens because of the reasons I listed above. Somehow we have to balance living in our culture and practicing the philosophy of yoga. After hours and hours of research, second, third, and forth guessing myself, worrying whether or not I was on to something brilliant or simply something mediocre, I have come up with a solution.  It is taught regularly, the practice of Pranayama eases the suffering of anxiety and believe me, I’ve practiced enough Nadi Shodhana Pranyama (one hand on the wheel, the other on my nose) while driving that I’m certain many people have felt sorry for the poor girl picking her nose driving down the highway.  And sure, it works, but it acts as a Band-Aid to the wound underneath. What we need to work on is taming and changing our minds and lifestyles as much as possible.  From the 8 Limbs of Yoga, I believe a close look at the Niyamas is necessary, especially Santosha (contentment) and Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender).

I came across this brilliant quote by the late Richard Abell, another Imperfectly Perfect being like myself who said, ”Anxiety is the space between the now and then.” If we are not content, we are either grasping for something in the future or grieving over something in the past. If we can learn to surrender to the natural flow of life, understanding the only constant is change; it is much easier to maintain a feeling of peace and calm. I do believe it is possible to weave the philosophy of yoga into our every day lives, however it takes greater practice than simply hitting the yoga mat three or five times per week.  I can practice some pretty awesome arm balances, but they do not give me peace. What gives me peace are those fleeting moments when I let go of control and trust in the natural flow of the Universe, feeling gratitude for all that I have and all that I am, no matter how Imperfect it may seem.

DeAnna Shires Nielsen M.Ed. E-RYT 500 is the creator of Breathe into Recovery: Yoga for Addiction Recovery and Breathe into Bliss: Yoga for Emotional Healing , and Founder of Blue Anjou Yoga Studio in Lewisville, Texas. www.blueanjou.com

Facebook, A Networking Contradiction

 More often than not, I hear people complain about FB more than anything and I get it. In a way, life was easier before FB, things were more hidden and our world was smaller. Now, everything is in your face and sometimes your face is kissed and squeezed and other times your face is down-right slapped. It happens to ALL of us. So, here are a few of my thoughts and what I find is, the same things that we love are the same things that piss us off. Kinda like when you've been married for awhile. What you love most about your spouse becomes the source of some of your biggest challenges.

FB is AWESOME Because:

1) We get to Brag 

2) We get Attention

3) We connect with Old Friends

4) We Network

5) We Plan Events with Easy Invite Blasts

6) We get recipe ideas

7) We can vent our frustrations and get validation

8) We can Check-In Places to show people all the cool things we get to do

9) We love all of the awesome comments people leave us

10) We can be connected to all, we are all one

FB Pisses us off Because:

1) People Brag

2) We don't get enough attention, but can see others getting attention on the side bar ticker after we just posted an Epic post!

3) Our Old Friends only post about empty toilet paper rolls & the hot dog they had for lunch 

4) People Over-Network selling themselves or their product & they are better at it than we are

5) We see invites to parties and events we didn't receive

6) We feel insecure about our eating habits and feel judged for them

7) People vent entirely too much, complainers...ugh

8) Check-ins show the truth of where people really are when they cancel plans with you

9) We don't like comments people leave us speaking the truth so we delete them out of anger and truth denial

10) FB is still like 6th grade, it's clearly cliquish 

 How can I make this about Yoga? Well, personally I seek the truth and within constant contradiction I can see the truth about myself and others. AAhhhh....sweet, painful, yet beautiful  clarity. We are all walking contradictions, which means we are the same (see number 10 of why FB is AWESOME).

I Love You Anyway

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”  ―C. S. Lewis

This is the 78th day of my 108 Day Svadhyaya (Self-Study) and I still love everybody (though some days barely).

A friend once asked me,"Gawd, you LOVE everybody, how do you do it?" My response was,"I don't know, I just see their heart, beyond the persona,  beyond the anger, painful actions, etc... honestly, I just "see" the best in people."

People are easy to love if you can see the Divine in everyone, it's just some people have so many layers of hurt and pain covering them up it's sometimes difficult to see through their crummy actions to the brilliance of their light (even if it is dimly lit). Sometimes our expectations of people get in the way of us loving each other too.

Loving everyone doesn't mean that if you walked into your home and someone was stealing your stuff you would say,"Excuse me, don't you know I love you, please don't violate my home, and by the way, the color of that shirt does not properly highlight the natural beauty of your skin." Or if someone speaks ill of you it doesn't mean you don't take the time to consider if this person is worth additional time because they are too busy NOT seeing the Divine in you to love you or themselves for that matter. It also doesn't mean if you were on the street and got mugged that you would give the perpetrator a great big hug right then and  there and say," Thank you for hurting me just now, that was awesome!"It also doesn't mean that everyone is your BFF, that you run to every one's rescue, or that you are supposed to become a door mat for all who cross your path or even that you try and play by everyone else's rules. 

Loving others IS seeing the Divine in others, while at the same time seeing yourself within them also. What is it about others that we reject within ourselves because we are afraid of truly looking within? What is it we want for ourselves that other people have? What expectations do we have for ourselves that we project on to others? How often do we NOT allow people to be human, making mistakes, just like we do?

During my self-study I have have had some Lessons pop back up where people are too busy judging me to love me and too busy not loving themselves to "see" me (my heart) loving them anyway. I resist every fiber in my being that wants to grab them and say, "'Don't you see I REALLY care about you? I really love you and wish you happiness?" Instead, I watch rumors fly, judgements be cast, stories developed about me that are not true, and time and time again I am not allowed to make mistakes.  Some days it takes unbelievable will power for me to keep from closing up my heart and stop putting myself out there for others. I never do that though. Instead, I give myself the "Do Your Best and Keep on Loving Pep Talk".  What I see is that most people come around, albeit years later, but only when they realize what love looks like.

Also, to be loved, one does not need to be "perfect". What is perfect? You do not need to please others in order to be loved. Your only duty is to be authentic, true to yourself, and the love and appreciation will be real and not based on some sort of persona you have built for yourself. This takes courage and makes you vulnerable, but THIS is loving yourself. When you can look in the mirror and give yourself the I Love You Anyway speech, it is then you can truly open yourself up to others and it is then that you will experience more joy than pain, more life than boredom, more inspiration than depression.  We are meant to love and be loved. It's a Universal Truth.

I am reminded of one of my most favorite things I have ever read, simple and true:

When they were finished reading, Olivia's Mother gives her a kiss and says,"You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway."

 And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says,"I love you anyway too."

I Forgive You because I Love Me

 I'm  now 59 days into intense self-study.  With that comes trips down memory lane through the reading of journals and the sweeping up of debris still stuck in my mind-attic. Just the other day I found an old journal in my real-live attic in my home from way back in 2004. It was a program Caroline Myss wrote and the very first assignment presented was to write about different "Contracts" we had with people in our lives where we still felt harmed in some way. In the process of doing this, we came to realize how these people who had harmed us, had taught us about ourselves and had added to our life experience, becoming significant teachers on our life path. It wasn't until late last year that I finally began to let go of the most painful experiences I had had and it was only through forgiveness that I began to heal completely. I now realize that I went through all of these things in order to help others in similar situations. I am now grateful for the experiences I have had.  Today I find it very easy to forgive people because now I don't blame them or take on a victim role, rather I look for the lesson they are there to teach me. 

 Ironically, as I focus on myself,  I am finding it much easier to become less self-absorbed and hear, feel, and see clearly where humanity is suffering. What I am hearing, seeing, and feeling is our habit of holding on to entirely too much emotional junk that does not serve us as individuals or as a collective whole. We are walking around wounded, wounding others and further harming ourselves. We re-live our painful childhoods, broken friendships, "failed" careers, divorces, often blaming others, waiting for them to apologize to us, but, we rarely find the peace we are looking for based on an apology, as the only real peace we find is through forgiveness that comes from the heart knowledge that we are all connected. Truth is, we all screw up somewhere, sometime, and all of us have room to forgive as well as to be forgiven.

 Why should you forgive that no-good asshole? When you hold on to resentment toward someone, you are bond to them energetically and they own a piece of you. If you want to be free you must let their harmful actions go. This does not mean you have forgotten what has happened and you should still be discerning, but holding onto anger, blame, and hurt is like drinking poison over and over again and what it is killing is your joyful spirit. Why are you giving them more of your life? Instead of letting them take more of your life away, see the gift they have given you. Maybe they have taught you to increase your intuition so you are not harmed again? Maybe they have taught you just how powerful you really are?

So, how do you do this without talking to the person who has hurt you? This may seem a bit hokey, but I use it and it works. Because of our energetic connection with every living being on this planet, we can easily connect at a higher level of awareness if we are so inclined. Just as you think of someone and suddenly they call you, you can call on some one's "higher self" and reach them in a way you may not realize. If you pray, you are trusting that God is ever-present and you can tap into the source at anytime. Like-wise we can do this with each other. I suggest finding a quiet space, breathing deeply and slowly (the best way to connect with your heart-space), begin to visualize your higher self and the person you need to forgive, their higher self, and have a conversation right there.  The conversation must not have blame or hurt surrounding it, only words that offer forgiveness and love. You are not excusing their actions, but seeing past those actions to their purest, joyful, loving self. This understanding and awareness breaks down walls and actually opens energy up for healing to take place. I have done this without the other person ever knowing and it is amazing how my relationship changed with them. Try it. Don't take my word for it. Do it and see what happens. Your thoughts and intentions are powerful. Use them for the greatest good and you will have joy and you will have peace.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~Mahatma Ghandi