or do you?
As a yoga teacher it is my job (I feel) to give from the heart and to come to class prepared and ready for whatever awaits me. With past jobs I could show up and fake my enthusiasm, with this job my students see through me. I often feel like a big naked statue and they can see all of my chips and cracks. I have heard, more than once that my emotional state is not good at playing hide and go seek. I suppose I should find solace in the fact that I teach the practice of Satya and that we all are who we are, as we are, in every moment and all is well in the truth of things. My students stepping up to offer a bit of support like, *"Uh, hey, you seem a little stressed...are yoga teachers supposed to be stressed? You should try 20 rounds of Nadhi Shodhana" proves they have been listening to my teachings. At times the student truly is the teacher and that is why I needed to be in class that day. *Yes this really happened.
There have been a couple of times that I simply knew I would cheat my students should I show up on a particular day, for example if I am doubled over with my monthly blessing or my head is on fire with the latest migraine (the two, incidentally, usually go hand in hand), then I think it is safe to say I need to sit this one out. Also, family situations arise and this too may call for a break from the teacher yoga mat, after all doesn't world peace begin at home?
Mother Theresa said,"Peace begins with a smile". Unless I have just come from the dentist numbed up or have spinach in my teeth I believe I can give my best smile, no matter the state of my personal life (apart from the above mentioned occurrences). I know this much I can give. Knowing this has given me just enough to get through a class with the presence and love of someone in complete merriment. Sometimes, just showing up makes everything that seems "wrong" seem so perfect as it is.
Finally, of The Four Agreements, Do Your Best rings true here. Our best is always changing and sometimes I know I will be spot on teaching a class and some days I will slip all over my words, forget a side, or tell an inappropriate joke that will haunt me for weeks. However, I can always give my best smile for that day and provide the best class I can.
An unknown author said,"Don't worry, don't hurry, do your best and let it rest."
So be it!