I Forgive You because I Love Me

 I'm  now 59 days into intense self-study.  With that comes trips down memory lane through the reading of journals and the sweeping up of debris still stuck in my mind-attic. Just the other day I found an old journal in my real-live attic in my home from way back in 2004. It was a program Caroline Myss wrote and the very first assignment presented was to write about different "Contracts" we had with people in our lives where we still felt harmed in some way. In the process of doing this, we came to realize how these people who had harmed us, had taught us about ourselves and had added to our life experience, becoming significant teachers on our life path. It wasn't until late last year that I finally began to let go of the most painful experiences I had had and it was only through forgiveness that I began to heal completely. I now realize that I went through all of these things in order to help others in similar situations. I am now grateful for the experiences I have had.  Today I find it very easy to forgive people because now I don't blame them or take on a victim role, rather I look for the lesson they are there to teach me. 

 Ironically, as I focus on myself,  I am finding it much easier to become less self-absorbed and hear, feel, and see clearly where humanity is suffering. What I am hearing, seeing, and feeling is our habit of holding on to entirely too much emotional junk that does not serve us as individuals or as a collective whole. We are walking around wounded, wounding others and further harming ourselves. We re-live our painful childhoods, broken friendships, "failed" careers, divorces, often blaming others, waiting for them to apologize to us, but, we rarely find the peace we are looking for based on an apology, as the only real peace we find is through forgiveness that comes from the heart knowledge that we are all connected. Truth is, we all screw up somewhere, sometime, and all of us have room to forgive as well as to be forgiven.

 Why should you forgive that no-good asshole? When you hold on to resentment toward someone, you are bond to them energetically and they own a piece of you. If you want to be free you must let their harmful actions go. This does not mean you have forgotten what has happened and you should still be discerning, but holding onto anger, blame, and hurt is like drinking poison over and over again and what it is killing is your joyful spirit. Why are you giving them more of your life? Instead of letting them take more of your life away, see the gift they have given you. Maybe they have taught you to increase your intuition so you are not harmed again? Maybe they have taught you just how powerful you really are?

So, how do you do this without talking to the person who has hurt you? This may seem a bit hokey, but I use it and it works. Because of our energetic connection with every living being on this planet, we can easily connect at a higher level of awareness if we are so inclined. Just as you think of someone and suddenly they call you, you can call on some one's "higher self" and reach them in a way you may not realize. If you pray, you are trusting that God is ever-present and you can tap into the source at anytime. Like-wise we can do this with each other. I suggest finding a quiet space, breathing deeply and slowly (the best way to connect with your heart-space), begin to visualize your higher self and the person you need to forgive, their higher self, and have a conversation right there.  The conversation must not have blame or hurt surrounding it, only words that offer forgiveness and love. You are not excusing their actions, but seeing past those actions to their purest, joyful, loving self. This understanding and awareness breaks down walls and actually opens energy up for healing to take place. I have done this without the other person ever knowing and it is amazing how my relationship changed with them. Try it. Don't take my word for it. Do it and see what happens. Your thoughts and intentions are powerful. Use them for the greatest good and you will have joy and you will have peace.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~Mahatma Ghandi

Who's Your Puppet? Who's Puppet Are You? That is the Question.

Day 35 of  108 Days of intense self-study of my Life Play. I'm not rating it yet, but I'm guessing it's probably rated about the same as everyone else's at certain times of their lives and so, I think we can all relate.


I'm on Chapter 6 of The Bhagavad Gita and it is as if each chapter follows the lessons my life is offering me for growth in any given week.  The following is my self study challenge this week inspired by the Gita.


A short summery of chapter six as it resonates with me: Through Meditation one learns to calm an agitated mind in order to keep outside experiences from swaying us from knowing ourselves completely and loving ourselves fully. When we truly know and love ourselves, we are no longer bothered by other people's view of who they think we are AND we no longer try and fit people into roles we want them to play in our story of life because we no longer live in a story of illusion, but rather in a story of truth, seeing all sentient beings as sparks of the Divine and having equal regard for all, be they elephants, rats, Saintly beings or the worst kind of criminal. We also learn not to be elated by good fortune or depressed by the bad, rather, looking inward towards self realization and seeing those same qualities in others.  

The Great Illusion: All The World's A Stage.....

You can build a stage in your mind and you can assign roles to the people you interact with, who then become actors in your life, rather than allowing them to be the beautiful imperfectly perfect beings they are with their own views and experiences. You can put words in their mouths and create experiences for them that aren't even true without them knowing it.  You can do this all without their permission, but you can not, without their permission make them do or be anything that they do not agree to. If we take the time to know ourselves, we can no longer be played by someone with ill intentions and what once was a person administering a mind-fuck is now seen as a person suffering more than you are.  You can then choose to offer compassion and understanding while refusing to play dress rehearsal with them.


No thank you. I don't like that outfit you picked out for me, it doesn't fit. Those aren't my shoes to fill.


No thank you. I really don't need to create more Drama in my life to feel interesting and to be entertained.


No thank you. I don't have to buy into your script to "see" or "hear" you; we can agree to disagree and I can love you just the same.


No thank you. I won't re-wind and replay those negative words you said about me in my mind because I've checked and they do not resonate within my sacred mind-space.

No thank you. I don't think I will stay in this chapter anymore and our contract is over until a sequel that resonates more harmoniously for us both is written.



But, yes, thank you for allowing me the freedom to be myself. Thank you for telling me I don't need to play by your rules or become something I am not to please you and you do not need to change to please me.  I am pleased by you already because I truly see you, I truly hear you, because within you, I see me and I am not afraid to take a good, close, look because I am my own Stage Manager and I happen to know the story I'm writing has a happy ending. I wish the same for you too.

INNERState Road Rage

I'm 28 Days into Svadhyaya (Self-Study). 28 Days of looking in the mirror without make-up on and in natural lighting.

Some days I have boogers in my nose and other days I shine with brilliance like the most perfect flower.

My Guide for the intention of the week comes from The Bhagavad Gita. I read/study a chapter each Sunday and it sets the focus for the week. What do I need to work on? What have I already mastered in my life (for now)?

I'm on Chapter Five and this Girlfriend has some work to do, though I'll give myself props for what I have already accomplished.

What have I learned So Far?


I'm A:

Walking/Yoga Posing Contradiction (I don't like this, I don't do that...except for when I do)

Advocate for the Greater Good (I do seek to serve for the Greater Good, even if it does not serve me, always have)

Person In Need of Support Just Like Everyone Else (Learning to ask for help)

Recovered Self-Righteous Person (My path is no longer better than your path, it's all good, but that doesn't mean I need to walk your path with you to prove I love you)




I Have:

Inner Road Rage. (Internal conflict I blame on my Irish and Italian Genetics and my need to always be busy)

A Huge Heart and Love to Give (Take it or leave, believe it or don't...It's always been there for the taking, but no longer for the abusing)

Limited Time for What is Important (I have grieved for lost time with my family for career pursuits...no more)

Need for being Discerning rather than Judgemental (Fine line)

Embraced Meditation Fully (to help sort out  and/or absorb all of the above)


This Week in The Bhagavad Gita: (Focus on the Inner Road Rage mentioned above)

Renunciation Vs. Action:

"The one who is able to master the force born of anger and desire here in this world before release from the body is a karma-yogin. He or She indeed is a happy person."

Action is better than inaction (renunciation), but the intent should be for the greater good and there should be no attachment to the outcome of our actions, be they "positive" or "negative". My InnerState Highway is very busy, like rush hour on a Friday. To choose my actions wisely, I am asking myself why I am driven to do this or that and I know if my heart is in the place of love, then the action is worth doing and I should stay on the road. If I selfishly expect something in return, then it is better not to act and get off of the road until I can come from a more honest place. This should be interesting and I rather enjoy Happiness Road. If I am happy, I can better serve others and this makes me even more happy.