I Love You Anyway

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”  ―C. S. Lewis

This is the 78th day of my 108 Day Svadhyaya (Self-Study) and I still love everybody (though some days barely).

A friend once asked me,"Gawd, you LOVE everybody, how do you do it?" My response was,"I don't know, I just see their heart, beyond the persona,  beyond the anger, painful actions, etc... honestly, I just "see" the best in people."

People are easy to love if you can see the Divine in everyone, it's just some people have so many layers of hurt and pain covering them up it's sometimes difficult to see through their crummy actions to the brilliance of their light (even if it is dimly lit). Sometimes our expectations of people get in the way of us loving each other too.

Loving everyone doesn't mean that if you walked into your home and someone was stealing your stuff you would say,"Excuse me, don't you know I love you, please don't violate my home, and by the way, the color of that shirt does not properly highlight the natural beauty of your skin." Or if someone speaks ill of you it doesn't mean you don't take the time to consider if this person is worth additional time because they are too busy NOT seeing the Divine in you to love you or themselves for that matter. It also doesn't mean if you were on the street and got mugged that you would give the perpetrator a great big hug right then and  there and say," Thank you for hurting me just now, that was awesome!"It also doesn't mean that everyone is your BFF, that you run to every one's rescue, or that you are supposed to become a door mat for all who cross your path or even that you try and play by everyone else's rules. 

Loving others IS seeing the Divine in others, while at the same time seeing yourself within them also. What is it about others that we reject within ourselves because we are afraid of truly looking within? What is it we want for ourselves that other people have? What expectations do we have for ourselves that we project on to others? How often do we NOT allow people to be human, making mistakes, just like we do?

During my self-study I have have had some Lessons pop back up where people are too busy judging me to love me and too busy not loving themselves to "see" me (my heart) loving them anyway. I resist every fiber in my being that wants to grab them and say, "'Don't you see I REALLY care about you? I really love you and wish you happiness?" Instead, I watch rumors fly, judgements be cast, stories developed about me that are not true, and time and time again I am not allowed to make mistakes.  Some days it takes unbelievable will power for me to keep from closing up my heart and stop putting myself out there for others. I never do that though. Instead, I give myself the "Do Your Best and Keep on Loving Pep Talk".  What I see is that most people come around, albeit years later, but only when they realize what love looks like.

Also, to be loved, one does not need to be "perfect". What is perfect? You do not need to please others in order to be loved. Your only duty is to be authentic, true to yourself, and the love and appreciation will be real and not based on some sort of persona you have built for yourself. This takes courage and makes you vulnerable, but THIS is loving yourself. When you can look in the mirror and give yourself the I Love You Anyway speech, it is then you can truly open yourself up to others and it is then that you will experience more joy than pain, more life than boredom, more inspiration than depression.  We are meant to love and be loved. It's a Universal Truth.

I am reminded of one of my most favorite things I have ever read, simple and true:

When they were finished reading, Olivia's Mother gives her a kiss and says,"You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway."

 And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says,"I love you anyway too."

Unnecessary Grizzle & Kick Abouts

Just In case you are vocabulary challenged like I am, grizzle and kick about are just fancy names for whining and complaining.

Ironically, I have a complaint or rather an observation.

While I assumed my second trip to India would be as spiritually sound and inspirational as the first one I experienced, I certainly did not expect the result to be what it has manifested itself into. Before I left for India, I was informed by my Reiki Master and Intuitive that my trip to India would not go as planned, that I should not become upset, as we would be exactly where we needed to be in order to cultivate greater compassion. As predicted,  before we ever left for the pilgrimage, things were not running smoothly. From the beginning things were a struggle, why with lost and incorrect identification, to canceled flights, to 1,000 degree heat, to pre-monsoon floods that kept us parked on a six lane highway (which was supposed to be three lanes, but the divider lines on the road mean nothing in India) for hours, to the Bharat Bandh which closed down shops (it was okay, we were out of money anyway, but it kept us hunkered down in our hotel room for a couple of days), and on it went. The entire time I stopped myself from becoming upset and used humor to get through with a positive attitude (when really, I could have just cried so many times). Where was the peace and calm and spiritual advancement I was seeking? Turns out, it was everywhere, even in the most unlikely of places. Growth opportunities are always everywhere, we just don't take the time to see them.

I have this theory that we don't see obstacles as opportunities for growth because we are addicted to being miserable because we, inside, are miserable. Don't you wish all of the "things" we accumulate and work so diligently for could reach out, hug us, and tell us we are perfect just as we are? Things don't do that, so things don't make us happy. We have to make ourselves happy. I am suddenly reminded of this song:



What each of these "obstacles" did for me, was open my eyes and heart to even greater  compassion by looking into the eyes and heart of the everyday Indian people. With these many unplanned chains of events, we were face to face with the poverty (lack of "things") of India, the newspapers, the news on TV, you know, real life sort of stuff, not the hanging out in the Ashram drinking chai tea, practicing yoga, and chanting sort of life I had experience during my first visit in 2007.

Early on in our journey I began watching, making eye contact, being with those who were begging for survival with a smile on their faces. I began listening through the peacefully chaotic sounds of the streets, hearing clearly the joyful singing among the people. The struggle is evident there, but there is an acceptance there also. This is not like Western societies where everything is clean and anything is possible and our accumulation of "things" is the goal.  Sure we have people who struggle in the west and I do believe we need to do a better job of taking care of each other, but what is different, is that the people who do have "it all" aren't happy. So many who have it all are miserable because they have looked for happiness outside of themselves (I know I have and still do sometimes). Furthermore, there is no acceptance because we don't accept others because we are too busy not accepting ourselves.  It really is as simple and as sad as that.

So, I'm not sure where to start, except with myself. I know that I have become more aware of my tendency to complain over silly little things and when I hear people around me do it I want to say,"Look how blessed you are!" It's not easy, we all have our stuff and we all have days nothing goes the way we think it should, but maybe we just aren't looking at things as they truly are? Maybe we need to save our complaints for things that really matter or count our blessings and help those who are struggling through experiences many of us will never know, like the death of a child or a life-threatening illness? Perhaps we can re-direct the energy we use up focusing on "lack" and take action by using the gifts we have in abundance? Helping others is a wonderful way to fill ourselves up along the way.  In any case, we all have bad days and need a friend or two to vent to, but most of us have it pretty good (even with our painful experiences or growing pains).

I have no great insight, no one to quote this time, but I do have this video:

Feeling Significant?

Recently a friend asked me,"Do you feel significant?" I was surprised by her question and she was equally surprised by my answer. "Of course I feel significant, I only feel sad when other people do not accept that my love for them is real," I said.  In this moment I realized just how blessed I am as a human being to feel good about who I am in spite of the things I consider less than appealing about myself. What a blessing it is I treat myself with compassion. While I feel significant, I don't feel any more significant than the next person. All of us have our gifts, our talents, our weaknesses, our light, and our dark. All of us make this world interesting. All of us are other people's teachers. All of us are in this together, or at least we should be.

After I was asked this question, I came across this quote by the Dalai Lama and it struck me as the truth and as the possible solution to this "lack of feeling significant" issue.

"Recently I met a group of scientists in America who said that the rate of mental illness in their country was quite high-around twelve percent of the population. It became clear during our discussion that the main cause of depression was not a lack of material necessities but a deprivation of the affection of the others."

I try diligently to express my love for all beings, even strangers, as often as possible and it's not always easy. Over time I have learned that many people reject my kindness/love because they are suspicious, as I MUST want something in return, or I can't possibly have compassion for everyone. I have also had people turn on me after I have made a perceived mistake (often never really knowing what that mistake was), leaving me devastated, not understanding why they would not accept my kindness/love/compassion as true. My spiritual teacher once told me that people who do not love themselves and who are not kind to themselves can not possibly see this virtue in others. As "they" say, it's rarely ever about you, it is about that person and where they are on their own personal journey.

Then I found this quote that helped me understand why people so easily reject or mistrust those who are kind and who are open to love and compassion:

“It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.” ~Author Unknown

Compassion is the desire to help ease other living beings suffering. Compassion for all beings can be developed, but first, it must be embraced from within. For many who have not been shown compassion or who do not believe it exists, this is truly a task to take on.

I leave on Sunday for Northern India for two weeks. The last time I went to India, I felt inspired to create a space to help people heal and that space was a yoga studio. On this next journey, I am not certain what ideas I may walk away with, but this land is the perfect opportunity for me to feed myself so that I may come back practicing even more compassion in my community.


Here is a link to the blog I wrote after my last trip.

Until I Return,

May all sentient beings have equanimity, free from attachment, aggression and prejudice.
May they be happy, and have the causes for happiness.
May they be free from suffering and causes for suffering.
May they never be separated from the happiness that is free from suffering.

Namaste'

Yoga For Bullies

Had I known how to express Yoga in Kindergarten when I witnessed my first case of bullying, I would have had all eight or so of those little snot-nosed meanies drop and give me 10 Chaturangas, a full blown Ustrasana, and then a mighty Vrksasana while they all held hands and beamed love from their heart chakras towards the six year old they were tormenting. I remember this little boy like it was yesterday. This poor boy smelled like urine, was always dirty, and never said anything. I remember walking into the school to get a drink of water and around the water fountain was a mob of children standing around the water fountain while this poor, very smelly, and very sad little boy towerd above everyone on the stepping stool in order to reach the water spout. He looked so exposed and so vacant. As I walked in all I heard was,"No one will EVER be your friend!" I felt a jolt in my heart and then I heard a voice in my head say,"Don't do it, don't do it, they'll make fun of you too." Then out of my throat chakra I loudly exclaimed,"I"LL BE YOUR FRIEND!" I'm not really sure what happened after that, maybe I just blocked it out of my memory, but I do remember feeling complete compassion for this boy and was insanely proud of myself for doing the "right thing" at the expense of my own Elementary School Experience.

The bullying experience and suicide of Phoebe Prince is one I can relate to, so much so, I've taken myself back to the 8th grade and re-lived the experience in my mind, my heart still remembers the pain, and I still wonder where the compassion was in these people? Like Phoebe, I was the new girl, 15, and popular with the boys. I was called names (yes, even whore and slut just like Phoebe), stolen from, threatened, egged and Oh My the rumors were XXX rated! I'm not really sure how I made it to school each day, except that I had a few really close friends who loved to laugh (laughter makes everything better, it's the Universal band-aid). I would go home every day and cry, not understanding how anyone could treat another person so horribly. I'm not even sure I ever told my parents what was going on, as they had worries of their own. I do remember falling in-love with Norma Jean (Marilyn Monroe) around this time and would listen to the original Candle in the Wind song from Elton John's 1973 Album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Maybe the fact that Norma Jean (That's who she is to me) committed suicide kept me from "going there". I also thought a lot about the little boy from Kindergarten and wondered how horrible things must be for him if it was this bad for me? Surely there were people who had it worse? At least I had friends I could laugh with. At least I felt compassion in my heart, even for my bullies. I did not know it then, but I was already living the philosophy of yoga, the best I could at age 15,and it carried me through. I did not start practicing asana until age 20, but yoga philosophy was already intertwined in my spirit.

Compassion is the expression of the deep understanding that we are all connected and that we belong to each other. Bullying comes in many forms and adults do it just as much as children do, only adults are usually much more subtle and easily rationalize their behavior. I won't even read Gossip Magazines anymore, because, as I mentioned in my recent entry about gossip, it's also a form of bullying.

So, for Phoebe Prince:

Freedom From Suffering

"Karuna is not merely showing pity or compassion and shedding tears of despair for the misery (duhkha) of others. It is compassion coupled with devoted action to relieve the misery of the afflicted. The yogi uses all his resources -- physical, economic, mental or moral -- to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. He shares his strength with the weak until they become strong. He shares his courage with those that are timid until they become brave by his example. He denies the maxim of the 'survival of the fittest', but makes the weak strong enough to survive. He becomes a shelter to one and all."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 45th paragraph of the Introduction.

Mother Theresa also said,"If we have no peace in the world, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

As I put together a special class for Haiti this coming Sunday, I realize the destruction or tragedy it often takes for most people to stop and show compassion. Perhaps they are unaware that what happens to you also happens to me and what happens to me also happens to you. While I am honored to teach a class for a special purpose, openly advertised as such, I like to think that every class I teach is an offering to relieve suffering of others. Relieving suffering has always been the intention behind my teaching, but it seems, in the coming together for a specific purpose, the energy and intention behind it is greater because people's emotions are more open.

The following is a video I came across awhile back. The images are disturbing, but the message can not do anything but bring out the compassion in others and the realization that we all need and want the same things.

The chant is Lokha Samasta Sukino Bhavantu "May all the world be happy."