It's A Yoga Thang!

Kirtan Yoga: Moving Out of the Studios and Into the Hospitals

2012-02-09T17:51:00.000-06:00

I am so very excited to have my first guest writer on It's a Yoga Thang! As someone who is in-love with chanting/singing and understands the healing power behind these mantras, I am grateful that Allison Brooks reached out and wrote this article for me to share on this Blog. Thank you Allison!

Kirtan Yoga:

Moving out of thestudios and into the hospitals

Kirtan, as most of you probably know, is the sacredexpression of the language of the heart through sound and word. The exoticsounds and the “call-and-response chanting”, promote inner-peace, inner-transformation,and divine peace throughout the world. To intensify this mind+bodyrevitalization, traditional yoga poses are practiced while the kirtankars perform, hence KirtanYoga.

Though a familiar term amongst avid yogis, the generalpublic probably has no clue what Kirtan Yoga is or what benefits it can bring. Thatis why many practitioners and teachers have started moving their classes fromtheir studios to hospitals, schools, nursing homes and so on. So far the public reception of this healingart has been positive. Many students claim that they feel more open andrevitalized after a Kirtan yoga class and some say they just go for the music.

The best part, the therapeutic effects of Kirtan not onlytouch the patients, but as well as the doctors and nurses of the patients. JenniferCanfield, founder of the Calland Response Foundation, reminisced on one of her Kirtans at a local mental hospital and talked how the staff wasmoved to the point of tears by the chants.

“I talked to one staff member who said that their job putsthem in a constant state of tremendous stress, and as a result, many of themdevelop their own serious health problems,” quoted Jennifer.

Some of the staff member at that hospital and otherfacilities around started purchasing hand drums and other instruments to havelocal kirtankars come in and givelessons. Many hospitals and nursing have been incorporating weekly Kirtan session in their agendas topromote healing and stress-relief. The staff and patients acclaim that thesession make them more positive and open-minded towards treatments, and moreopt to work with the nurses.

Multiple Cancer treatment facilities consider Kirtan a complementary therapy and nowrecommend it for patients, especially those with a serious prognosis, like pancreatic or mesothelioma cancer. Thisshould not undermine the use of Kirtanfor any medical necessity, but doctors know that aggressive cancers needaggressive treatments, and that this sudden change leads to stress andreluctance towards treatment. Kirtanas well as other forms of yoga are able to positively combat these negativeside-effects naturally, and help ease the physical and mental pain oftreatments.

Confessions of a Spazzmastic Yogini

2012-02-09T08:28:00.000-06:00

OOps...I did it again. I've found myself in the same whirl-wind state of being I've tried so diligently to steer clear of. This time though, I'm grateful for the abundance of great opportunities my schedule has offered up to me and at the same time, making changes necessary to take care of myself. Progress. It is true, The Great Universe sends us lessons over and over again until you "get it". So, I was reminded of this article I had written for Origin Magazine last year and thought I would share it here as well. Enjoy the picture, it tells the truth.

Confessions of an Imperfectly Perfect Yogini

“Peaceful” Yogini With Anxiety

When I teach yoga it is a channel of perfectpeace, complete with rays of light beaming down upon me and the sounds ofHeaven surrounding me. When I teach I feel grounded, centered, calm, and haveno questions about who I am or what I am offering to the beautiful sentientbeings before me contorting their bodies, breathing, and actually listening towhat I have to say. It must be true that I am a channel for something fargreater than myself because I have had students say that I have offered themthe most brilliant original quotes I don’t remember uttering from my throatchakra. Time and time again I haveheard, ”DeAnna, you are just so peaceful and centered.” Oh dear, how I hate to disappoint them whenthey add me as a friend on Facebook and they begin to witness the non-focused,mess-making, social networking addict that is woven into the fiber of my verybeing.

Throughout my yoga-teaching career, I have learnedto be more upfront regarding my struggles with anxiety, my obsession with achievinggreater and greater goals, and my insane almost manic need to over schedule andover commit. By nature I am a pleaser and a prover. Pleaser + Prover = Petri Dish for anxiety. I’ve found, thru my honesty, more students andpeople off the street are able to relate to me. Let it be noted, I truly could be put out to live on the street some days,as that is how lost in the dizziness of my mind I can get when I forget topractice my pranayama.

Anxiety is described as all sorts ofthings: fear, worry, concern andapprehension. All of which can servetheir purpose if we were like animals and could use this flight or fightresponse accordingly, but we don’t. Our culture says we are not safe enough, wedo not own enough possessions, aren’t pretty or handsome enough, and/or aren’temotionally stable enough. Stop watching so much news and see your anxietydecrease. Recognize how many coupons are dropped into your email, tempting youto buy more crap you don’t need and you do it because now you can have one inevery color, causing loss of space at home, which gives us shows like Hoarders.Pa-leeze can we have some real looking people on the cover of magazines andpeople actually purchase them?! Finally, let us not feel, it’s a sign ofweakness; so instead, let’s kill our emotions with medicine (though I do agreesometimes medicine is needed). This mini rant will now require twenty minutesof Paschimottanasana and ViparitaKarani in order for me to calm down(fans face).

The bottomline is, we need to stay in the present moment. Yoga teaches us this, buthardly anyone listens because of the reasons I listed above. Somehow we have tobalance living in our culture and practicing the philosophy of yoga. Afterhours and hours of research, second, third, and forth guessing myself, worryingwhether or not I was on to something brilliant or simply something mediocre, Ihave come up with a solution. It istaught regularly, the practice of Pranayama eases the suffering of anxiety andbelieve me, I’ve practiced enough Nadi Shodhana Pranyama (one hand on thewheel, the other on my nose) while driving that I’m certain many people havefelt sorry for the poor girl picking her nose driving down the highway. And sure, it works, but it acts as a Band-Aidto the wound underneath. What we need to work on is taming and changing our mindsand lifestyles as much as possible. Fromthe 8 Limbs of Yoga, I believe a close look at the Niyamas is necessary,especially Santosha (contentment) and IshvaraPranidhana (surrender).

I came across this brilliant quote by the late RichardAbell, another Imperfectly Perfect being like myself who said, ”Anxiety is thespace between the now and then.” If we are not content, we are either graspingfor something in the future or grieving over something in the past. If we canlearn to surrender to the natural flow of life, understanding the only constantis change; it is much easier to maintain a feeling of peace and calm. I dobelieve it is possible to weave the philosophy of yoga into our every daylives, however it takes greater practice than simply hitting the yoga mat threeor five times per week. I can practicesome pretty awesome arm balances, but they do not give me peace. What gives mepeace are those fleeting moments when I let go of control and trust in thenatural flow of the Universe, feeling gratitude for all that I have and allthat I am, no matter how Imperfect it may seem.

DeAnna Shires Nielsen M.Ed. E-RYT 500 is the creator ofBreathe into Recovery: Yoga for Addiction Recovery and Breathe into Bliss: Yoga for Emotional Healing , and Founder of BlueAnjou Yoga Studio in Lewisville, Texas. www.blueanjou.com

Facebook, A Networking Contradiction

2012-01-04T09:55:00.000-06:00

More often than not, I hear people complain about FB more than anything and I get it. In a way, life was easier before FB, things were more hidden and our world was smaller. Now, everything is in your face and sometimes your face is kissed and squeezed and other times your face is down-right slapped. It happens to ALL of us. So, here are a few of my thoughts and what I find is, the same things that we love are the same things that piss us off. Kinda like when you've been married for awhile. What you love most about your spouse becomes the source of some of your biggest challenges.

FB is AWESOME Because:

1) We get to Brag

2) We get Attention

3) We connect with Old Friends

4) We Network

5) We Plan Events with Easy Invite Blasts

6) We get recipe ideas

7) We can vent our frustrations and get validation

8) We can Check-In Places to show people all the cool things we get to do

9) We love all of the awesome comments people leave us

10) We can be connected to all, we are all one

FB Pisses us off Because:

1) People Brag

2) We don't get enough attention, but can see others getting attention on the side bar ticker after we just posted an Epic post!

3) Our Old Friends only post about empty toilet paper rolls & the hot dog they had for lunch

4) People Over-Network selling themselves or their product & they are better at it than we are

5) We see invites to parties and events we didn't receive

6) We feel insecure about our eating habits and feel judged for them

7) People vent entirely too much, complainers...ugh

8) Check-ins show the truth of where people really are when they cancel plans with you

9) We don't like comments people leave us speaking the truth so we delete them out of anger and truth denial

10) FB is still like 6th grade, it's clearly cliquish

How can I make this about Yoga? Well, personally I seek the truth and within constant contradiction I can see the truth about myself and others. AAhhhh....sweet, painful, yet beautiful clarity. We are all walking contradictions, which means we are the same (see number 10 of why FB is AWESOME).

I Love You Anyway

2011-11-22T17:24:00.001-06:00

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ―C. S. Lewis

This is the 78th day of my 108 Day Svadhyaya (Self-Study) and I still love everybody (though some days barely).

A friend once asked me,"Gawd, you LOVE everybody, how do you do it?" My response was,"I don't know, I just see their heart, beyond the persona, beyond the anger, painful actions, etc... honestly, I just "see" the best in people."

People are easy to love if you can see the Divine in everyone, it's just some people have so many layers of hurt and pain covering them up it's sometimes difficult to see through their crummy actions to the brilliance of their light (even if it is dimly lit). Sometimes our expectations of people get in the way of us loving each other too.

Loving everyone doesn't mean that if you walked into your home and someone was stealing your stuff you would say,"Excuse me, don't you know I love you, please don't violate my home, and by the way, the color of that shirt does not properly highlight the natural beauty of your skin." Or if someone speaks ill of you it doesn't mean you don't take the time to consider if this person is worth additional time because they are too busy NOT seeing the Divine in you to love you or themselves for that matter. It also doesn't mean if you were on the street and got mugged that you would give the perpetrator a great big hug right then and there and say," Thank you for hurting me just now, that was awesome!"It also doesn't mean that everyone is your BFF, that you run to every one's rescue, or that you are supposed to become a door mat for all who cross your path or even that you try and play by everyone else's rules.

Loving others IS seeing the Divine in others, while at the same time seeing yourself within them also. What is it about others that we reject within ourselves because we are afraid of truly looking within? What is it we want for ourselves that other people have? What expectations do we have for ourselves that we project on to others? How often do we NOT allow people to be human, making mistakes, just like we do?

During my self-study I have have had some Lessons pop back up where people are too busy judging me to love me and too busy not loving themselves to "see" me (my heart) loving them anyway. I resist every fiber in my being that wants to grab them and say, "'Don't you see I REALLY care about you? I really love you and wish you happiness?" Instead, I watch rumors fly, judgements be cast, stories developed about me that are not true, and time and time again I am not allowed to make mistakes. Some days it takes unbelievable will power for me to keep from closing up my heart and stop putting myself out there for others. I never do that though. Instead, I give myself the "Do Your Best and Keep on Loving Pep Talk". What I see is that most people come around, albeit years later, but only when they realize what love looks like.

Also, to be loved, one does not need to be "perfect". What is perfect? You do not need to please others in order to be loved. Your only duty is to be authentic, true to yourself, and the love and appreciation will be real and not based on some sort of persona you have built for yourself. This takes courage and makes you vulnerable, but THIS is loving yourself. When you can look in the mirror and give yourself the I Love You Anyway speech, it is then you can truly open yourself up to others and it is then that you will experience more joy than pain, more life than boredom, more inspiration than depression. We are meant to love and be loved. It's a Universal Truth.

I am reminded of one of my most favorite things I have ever read, simple and true:

When they were finished reading, Olivia's Mother gives her a kiss and says,"You know, you really wear me out. But I love you anyway."

And Olivia gives her a kiss back and says,"I love you anyway too."

I Forgive You because I Love Me

2011-11-02T12:32:00.000-05:00

I'm now 59 days into intense self-study. With that comes trips down memory lane through the reading of journals and the sweeping up of debris still stuck in my mind-attic. Just the other day I found an old journal in my real-live attic in my home from way back in 2004. It was a program Caroline Myss wrote and the very first assignment presented was to write about different "Contracts" we had with people in our lives where we still felt harmed in some way. In the process of doing this, we came to realize how these people who had harmed us, had taught us about ourselves and had added to our life experience, becoming significant teachers on our life path. It wasn't until late last year that I finally began to let go of the most painful experiences I had had and it was only through forgiveness that I began to heal completely. I now realize that I went through all of these things in order to help others in similar situations. I am now grateful for the experiences I have had. Today I find it very easy to forgive people because now I don't blame them or take on a victim role, rather I look for the lesson they are there to teach me.

Ironically, as I focus on myself, I am finding it much easier to become less self-absorbed and hear, feel, and see clearly where humanity is suffering. What I am hearing, seeing, and feeling is our habit of holding on to entirely too much emotional junk that does not serve us as individuals or as a collective whole. We are walking around wounded, wounding others and further harming ourselves. We re-live our painful childhoods, broken friendships, "failed" careers, divorces, often blaming others, waiting for them to apologize to us, but, we rarely find the peace we are looking for based on an apology, as the only real peace we find is through forgiveness that comes from the heart knowledge that we are all connected. Truth is, we all screw up somewhere, sometime, and all of us have room to forgive as well as to be forgiven.

Why should you forgive that no-good asshole? When you hold on to resentment toward someone, you are bond to them energetically and they own a piece of you. If you want to be free you must let their harmful actions go. This does not mean you have forgotten what has happened and you should still be discerning, but holding onto anger, blame, and hurt is like drinking poison over and over again and what it is killing is your joyful spirit. Why are you giving them more of your life? Instead of letting them take more of your life away, see the gift they have given you. Maybe they have taught you to increase your intuition so you are not harmed again? Maybe they have taught you just how powerful you really are?

So, how do you do this without talking to the person who has hurt you? This may seem a bit hokey, but I use it and it works. Because of our energetic connection with every living being on this planet, we can easily connect at a higher level of awareness if we are so inclined. Just as you think of someone and suddenly they call you, you can call on some one's "higher self" and reach them in a way you may not realize. If you pray, you are trusting that God is ever-present and you can tap into the source at anytime. Like-wise we can do this with each other. I suggest finding a quiet space, breathing deeply and slowly (the best way to connect with your heart-space), begin to visualize your higher self and the person you need to forgive, their higher self, and have a conversation right there. The conversation must not have blame or hurt surrounding it, only words that offer forgiveness and love. You are not excusing their actions, but seeing past those actions to their purest, joyful, loving self. This understanding and awareness breaks down walls and actually opens energy up for healing to take place. I have done this without the other person ever knowing and it is amazing how my relationship changed with them. Try it. Don't take my word for it. Do it and see what happens. Your thoughts and intentions are powerful. Use them for the greatest good and you will have joy and you will have peace.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~Mahatma Ghandi

Who's Your Puppet? Who's Puppet Are You? That is the Question.

2011-10-11T13:10:00.000-05:00

Day 35 of 108 Days of intense self-study of my Life Play. I'm not rating it yet, but I'm guessing it's probably rated about the same as everyone else's at certain times of their lives and so, I think we can all relate.

I'm on Chapter 6 of The Bhagavad Gita and it is as if each chapter follows the lessons my life is offering me for growth in any given week. The following is my self study challenge this week inspired by the Gita.

A short summery of chapter six as it resonates with me: Through Meditation one learns to calm an agitated mind in order to keep outside experiences from swaying us from knowing ourselves completely and loving ourselves fully. When we truly know and love ourselves, we are no longer bothered by other people's view of who they think we are AND we no longer try and fit people into roles we want them to play in our story of life because we no longer live in a story of illusion, but rather in a story of truth, seeing all sentient beings as sparks of the Divine and having equal regard for all, be they elephants, rats, Saintly beings or the worst kind of criminal. We also learn not to be elated by good fortune or depressed by the bad, rather, looking inward towards self realization and seeing those same qualities in others.

The Great Illusion: All The World's A Stage.....

You can build a stage in your mind and you can assign roles to the people you interact with, who then become actors in your life, rather than allowing them to be the beautiful imperfectly perfect beings they are with their own views and experiences. You can put words in their mouths and create experiences for them that aren't even true without them knowing it. You can do this all without their permission, but you can not, without their permission make them do or be anything that they do not agree to. If we take the time to know ourselves, we can no longer be played by someone with ill intentions and what once was a person administering a mind-fuck is now seen as a person suffering more than you are. You can then choose to offer compassion and understanding while refusing to play dress rehearsal with them.

No thank you. I don't like that outfit you picked out for me, it doesn't fit. Those aren't my shoes to fill.

No thank you. I really don't need to create more Drama in my life to feel interesting and to be entertained.

No thank you. I don't have to buy into your script to "see" or "hear" you; we can agree to disagree and I can love you just the same.

No thank you. I won't re-wind and replay those negative words you said about me in my mind because I've checked and they do not resonate within my sacred mind-space.

No thank you. I don't think I will stay in this chapter anymore and our contract is over until a sequel that resonates more harmoniously for us both is written.

But, yes, thank you for allowing me the freedom to be myself. Thank you for telling me I don't need to play by your rules or become something I am not to please you and you do not need to change to please me. I am pleased by you already because I truly see you, I truly hear you, because within you, I see me and I am not afraid to take a good, close, look because I am my own Stage Manager and I happen to know the story I'm writing has a happy ending. I wish the same for you too.

INNERState Road Rage

2011-10-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

I'm 28 Days into Svadhyaya (Self-Study). 28 Days of looking in the mirror without make-up on and in natural lighting.

Some days I have boogers in my nose and other days I shine with brilliance like the most perfect flower.

My Guide for the intention of the week comes from The Bhagavad Gita. I read/study a chapter each Sunday and it sets the focus for the week. What do I need to work on? What have I already mastered in my life (for now)?

I'm on Chapter Five and this Girlfriend has some work to do, though I'll give myself props for what I have already accomplished.

What have I learned So Far?

I'm A:

Walking/Yoga Posing Contradiction (I don't like this, I don't do that...except for when I do)

Advocate for the Greater Good (I do seek to serve for the Greater Good, even if it does not serve me, always have)

Person In Need of Support Just Like Everyone Else (Learning to ask for help)

Recovered Self-Righteous Person (My path is no longer better than your path, it's all good, but that doesn't mean I need to walk your path with you to prove I love you)

I Have:

Inner Road Rage. (Internal conflict I blame on my Irish and Italian Genetics and my need to always be busy)

A Huge Heart and Love to Give (Take it or leave, believe it or don't...It's always been there for the taking, but no longer for the abusing)

Limited Time for What is Important (I have grieved for lost time with my family for career pursuits...no more)

Need for being Discerning rather than Judgemental (Fine line)

Embraced Meditation Fully (to help sort out and/or absorb all of the above)

This Week in The Bhagavad Gita: (Focus on the Inner Road Rage mentioned above)

Renunciation Vs. Action:

"The one who is able to master the force born of anger and desire here in this world before release from the body is a karma-yogin. He or She indeed is a happy person."

Action is better than inaction (renunciation), but the intent should be for the greater good and there should be no attachment to the outcome of our actions, be they "positive" or "negative". My InnerState Highway is very busy, like rush hour on a Friday. To choose my actions wisely, I am asking myself why I am driven to do this or that and I know if my heart is in the place of love, then the action is worth doing and I should stay on the road. If I selfishly expect something in return, then it is better not to act and get off of the road until I can come from a more honest place. This should be interesting and I rather enjoy Happiness Road. If I am happy, I can better serve others and this makes me even more happy.

I Chose Meditation Over Whiskey! High Fiver to Me

2011-09-24T18:09:00.000-05:00

I'm now into Day 17 of my 108 Days of Svadhyaya (Self-Study).

I've been learning a lot and it's nothing like I thought it would be, not in the feelings I have or in the methods I have actually embraced. I'm going to choose one subject of the 108 Day journey I am surprised about.

: BRAG ALERT: This is a very monumental accomplishment for me.

I've practiced yoga almost 20 years and have tried and tried to practice meditation in a way that made me crave it. After trying dozens of methods of meditation, Tratak meditation (candle gazing) has been my meditation of choice until a good friend of mine I met via Facebook offered me a 15 minute meditation consisting of pranayama, visualizations, chanting, self-inquiry, and dedication of offering. This has been the PERFECT meditation for me. This is keeping my anxiety in check and the levels of anxiety I feel are much lower AND I feel more connected to my purest self and the world as a whole. While there are many more topics I could write about in this Blog today, one thing I KNOW about this moment, is I have 20 minutes to write this, no more than that and that is enough and THAT is what meditation is teaching me.

Through this new meditation method I have realized I am attached to negative labels *shudders*, labels that I tell everyone else to reject. "Refrain from negatively labeling yourself, you will become dependant on it," I often say. It turns out I have been attached to my label as a person with anxiety AND have spoken openly about my Cracked Out Monkey Mind that I feel gives me spunk and helps me accomplish my many projects (with a smile on my face). I am happy to announce I've not been feeding my monkey crack anymore and I still have spunk....spunk with clarity....and I'm getting more accomplished now than I ever thought possible...with less mistakes even......and my smile is almost so ridiculous it could be on a Orbit Gum commercial with sparks of stars flying off my teeth it's so bright.

So, I am detaching myself from these labels that no longer serve me. I am changing my Labeling of Cracked Out Monkey Mind with Anxiety and am now calling myself a Serious Meditator in recovery from anxiety. I knew my new label was working when I had an exceptionally challenging day a few days ago and wanted a quick fix of Wild Turkey 101 and Coke Zero so I could relax while I was cooking dinner for my family. Instead, I put down the chopping knife mid-bell pepper, went to my Sun Room and practiced meditation. I craved it. In that moment I KNEW I had become a consistent Meditator (with a capital M).

So, naturally, the first thing I did was create my meditation space and I documented it with a couple of photos. I have had a chair in my Sun Room for a couple of years with stuff piled on top of it (the stuff changes) and so, I dusted it off, fluffed the cushions and sat down to begin dusting off my mind. It's a beautiful journey and my 20 minutes is up. Enjoy the before and after pictures of where it all happens. I wish I could show you a picture of my brain activity also, it's probably all Zen like with only a few cobwebs here and there. So in-love with this journey.

BEFORE

AFTER

Certified Authentic, Sold As Is

2011-09-07T10:08:00.001-05:00

Most anyone practicing yoga will tell you they are on a path of self-improvement and probably on some sort of mission to change something within the world. Yogis have admirable and lofty goals, but along the way they often become confused about their true identity, adopting “what-they-believe-the-yoga-community-deems-proper” personas.

I have witnessed teachers and students beat themselves up because they eat meat, party like an un-yogic rock star, feel feelings of anger, or physically struggle to practice arm balances and inversions. On the flip side, I’ve witnessed teachers and students subtly and overtly judge each other for all those same reasons. If yoga is ultimately about Unity with the Divine and unity begins with self-acceptance, why then do we not allow ourselves and others to BE “real” at any given time without labeling one reality better than another? What is it to BE anyway? It’s just what it says: “authenticity” in a much shorter word.

When we begin practicing the Niyamas or personal disciplines, the second limb of The Eight Limbs of Yoga, we are challenged to “get real”. Svadhyaya (Self Examination or Study) is the fourth of the five Niyamas and it is a swift kick in the asana. Svadhyaya means to intentionally find self-awareness in all our activities and efforts. It teaches us to be truth centered and non-reactive to what we label “good” or “bad” about ourselves. It eventually exposes what we can change and what we must simply accept as a part of who we are.

As we study, we are forced to ask: what is real and true? What are we making up through cloudy perception? What serves us, what doesn’t?

What ultimately serves us is embracing our authenticity by learning tools to express ourselves as compassionately as possible. What gets in the way of authenticity is fear of rejection. To protect ourselves from rejection, we build a walls around our hearts. And we create different masks to wear, believing these will help us become more acceptable, more loveable, and for us Yogis, more “Yogic”.

e.e. Cummings said it best, “To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.” To practice this quote is to be brave, to risk being disliked for who you truly are, but the reward for this bravery is that you are loved for all that you are, imperfections and all.

My Grandfather recently passed away and he taught me, above anything else, to be myself. He never actually told me to be myself; he simply modeled it for me through what my Mom calls “being eccentric to the extreme”. What I once saw as embarrassing or overtly opinionated, I now see as bravery through self-love and acceptance. My Grandfather was the same around everyone because he didn’t have any of those silly masks to hide behind.

I believe the practice of Yoga as a philosophy leads to the burning of masks. In order to do this, we must look at where we maintain false realities based on fear and rejection. Honest evaluation of these false realities is where healing begins. As I am prone to say,”Heal yourself, heal the world.” Nobody said Svadhyaya was easy. My own path of self-discovery and healing has been ugly and painful … but no more so than anyone else’s. And I still have a lot of work to do. Sometimes I want to hide behind a mask or start building up another wall around my heart, but then I remember who I am, that I am doing my best and that even my best won’t ever be good enough for some. I remember I am Divine Love (and so are you) and just so I don’t forget this, I’ve tattooed Aham Prema (I Am Divine Love in Sanskrit) on my wrist and when I doubt myself, I close my eyes and chant this mantra: “You get me, as I am, flaws and all. I accept you, flaws and all.” I believe, at our core, Divine Love is a piece of us all. As we examine ourselves further, practicing Svadhyaya, ultimately this is what we learn. We cannot learn this lesson without the study.

I am on day two of my 108 Days of Svadhyaya adventure and well, it's not going as planned and what I am learning is plans mean nothing and the waves of the Universe will re-direct your plans as needed, whether you think it is good for you or not {meditates on wrist and repeats mantra}.

Declaring Technology My Zen Kill

2011-09-03T11:16:00.000-05:00

I am addicted to the convenience of technology and while I appreciate the opportunity it provides me to multi-task like an Octopus on Crack, it's getting in the way of my Zen (whatever that is, I don't really remember anymore).

So, in order to prepare for my 108 Days of Svadhyaya beginning Sept. 6th, I am purging situations in my environment that no longer serve me and the first thing to go is the FB application on my phone. I just removed it {bites fingernails and considers assuming the fetal position and rocking back and forth in a nearby corner}. I'm also no longer going to be using my phone while driving. This simply means, no more texting, emailing, or even talking on the road. I'm going to be present with everything I do, so when I am driving, I will be driving (and singing most likely...I won't give up singing). I do realize I will need to leave my phone far away from reaching distance in the beginning in order to resist that instant urge to pick it up and "get ahead" by doing two or three things at once and because I know this, I will leave it in the trunk of the car until all urges pass and I drive, fully present, just like I used to in the Olden Days before smart phones existed {looks up thinking about the good ol Olden Days}.

So, I am declaring my phone EVIL, or at least, not healthy for the 108 Days of Svadhyaya I am about to embark upon. It does not serve me, it never has, I just never felt sick enough to do anything about it. Not being present causes my anxiety and the anxiety is telling me I am sick. So phone, it's not me, it's you. Actually, it is me, not you, but I am breaking it off. It's over. You will see much less of me. Everyone will see much less of me, but I'm setting this boundary and I'm worth it.

108 Days of Svadhyaya Proposal

2011-08-29T15:14:00.000-05:00

Oh hello again clouded perception of reality, it's been so long since we have met and now you are back and I want you to go away because I am way behind and you are keeping me from moving forward. Seriously, do be kind and step aside because you are overstaying your welcome and I don't need you anymore. Why do you keep trying to pull down my bar of very high standards I have for myself, it works for me. Or does it? I guess it does hurt.......... just a little........ok, a lot. Maybe that bar I've set is unrealistic and I'm doing things all kinds of wrong and all kinds of backwards.

This summer is a summer of growing pains. I don't pretend to have any real troubles, as my life is blessed and cushy, and I don't take it for granted, in fact, it's so wonderful I usually don't allow myself to grieve for very long and I beat myself up if I feel sorry for myself for more than 5 minutes. I am one of the, as they say, "lucky" ones. I am also human and humans have struggles and all of our emotions that go along with these struggles are the same.There are only so many emotions we can choose from as humans and well, we've all been there done all of them.

Our life is full of teachers who teach us something every day, unfortunately most of our lessons are learned in the depth of despair because without pain we wouldn't change anything. My teachers the past six months come in the form of very close friendships that have hit major Obstacles (Call on Ganesha), the death of my Grandfather who did his own part in helping to raise me and influence me in ways that help me achieve success today, and the death of my 18 year old cat (I was there when both passed). While my Grandfather and Cat were passing away, I canceled ALL of the things I had held as high priority in order to be there with them. For once in my life I did not care about achieving my external goals and all I wanted to do was embrace my entire family and give myself a break from things I DO for a living, but things that are not ME. Guess what happened? Everything went on fine without me, deadlines for awesome opportunities were missed, and nothing horrible came of it. I also noticed my anxiety I have been living with the past 8 years was gone! Just. Like. That.

This got me thinking about ME a lot. Why have I been an overachiever since I was a child? Why do I care about who is there for me and who is not there for me? Why do I care about how many credentials I can put after my name? Why do I sacrifice myself and my family for people who would probably be fine and dandy without my "advice" or council. Why do I feel the need to offer so much advice or council anyway? My answer isn't that interesting. My answers is simply,"You don't want to take the time to just be with YOU."You don't hold yourself as high importance. Well, that's got to change because I am getting sick and tired, literally.

So, I am proposing a challenge to myself for myself to clear my muddy lens of perception once and for all (until that next time). Svadhyaya or self study is the Fourth Niyama or Personal Observances of the Pantanjali Yoga Sutras. I've spent a lot of time studying ways to help and support others and myself, but I've never actually taken the time for a deep interacting with myself, where I put this interaction first, no exceptions. I'm not really certain how all of this will go, but it will consist of attending more frequent yoga classes, pranyama & meditation daily, and more Ayurvedic Study and Application than I currently incorporate into my life. I will do this while living a normal, fast paced Western Life because there is no way around it and there is no cave to escape into. I have Dharmas (duties) to attend to, that I agreed to, though I now feel the first one needs to be a facing of the self. My goal is to find a way to live in this culture in a way that serves, me, my family, and finally, my career. I want to live a life free of anxiety once and for all. Can I do this? I feel I can if I promise myself to stay committed to my aim.

While my focus has always been on others, I don't expect that to change, as I love people and I live to serve, but for 108 days I will serve myself first and my healing will allow me to serve in greater numbers when I am living free of anxiety and honoring the Vedic teachings I have learned through greater application into my life. I also plan on bringing back into my life things I enjoy that I have neglected in order to have more time to "help everyone else". I have no measuring stick for this, no method really, but I plan on trusting myself to lead the way. That's the first step.

Start Date? I don't know that either, but self is telling me sometime in the beginning of September. I also plan on keeping this journey logged in this blog. I've been "blogging" on-line since before blogs existed and it's something I always enjoyed and gave up to, again, "help everyone else"first.

Soooo, muddy perception, may you leave, Bye Bye. I'm ready to do the work and face the truth.

"Make no mistake about it- enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It's seeing through the facade of pretense. It's the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true." ~ Adyashati

Yoga Sanga Articles (By Me)

2011-08-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

Breathe into Recovery
Ahimsa & Bullying

Balancing The Root Chakra

Surrender to the Flow (2nd Chakra Work)

In The News (Namaste Y'all Interview)

2011-08-07T08:55:00.000-05:00

Namaste Y'all Interview

Why I do what I do.......

Origin Magazine Articles By Me: Confessions of An Imperfectly Perfect Yogini

2011-08-01T19:02:00.000-05:00

Confessions Of An Imperfectly Perfect Yogini

Confessions Article: Anxiety

Head Games & Philosophical BS

2011-07-23T16:01:00.000-05:00

While teaching a workshop on the Subtle/Energy body and the psychology of the chakras recently, it was found that my Crown Chakra was on overdrive, this did not surprise me in the least as I had spent several weeks in my head obsessing over hurt feelings regarding situations I could not control and words I wanted to express that could possibly clear up confusion and misunderstanding, but I had been muzzled. Someone with an overly excessive crown chakra can have migraine headaches (for like 4 days in a row apparently...ugh), feel frustrated, destructive, or unorganized or that someone could just be Me. This could also be described as selfish, spending too much time up in the head, thinking about the self and the self's perspective not following the philosophies the self claims to embrace. I find this a lot in people who claim to be highly spiritual/aware and I am allowed to say this because I too am guilty. I suppose the first step is awareness, so naturally, through some self inflicted suffering and willingness to listen to others not listen to me, I can finally see the error of my ways, as others may perceive them.

As my Crown Chakra explodes all around me with massive force, it has occurred to me that I am playing personal head games by analysing every little thing and making every event somehow fit into my favorite philosophies that I hold near and dear. The problem is, these philosophies aren't working this time and so, out of desperation, I now turn to Ishvara Pranidhana, which just happened to be the topic in all of my yoga classes this past week. Ishvara Pranidhana, the 5th Niyama is practicing a joyful surrender and offering up the fruits of our actions to the greater good. I feel I spend much of my life doing this, however, I spend a lot more of my precious time obsessing over how much others have hurt and judged me by what they perceive as negative rather than doing inventory, asking questions, and taking a broader view like I want them to do because it works for me. This is what I would do, but they aren't me and aren't I just as judgemental and off the course of truth expecting them to do what I would do because I think it causes less harm? Maybe to them it would cause more harm and that is why they behave the way they do? It's all possible. My challenge is to allow, trusting in the course of the natural flow of things, as animals do in nature. I can also do this out of compassion for myself, as holding onto anger, sadness, and frustration eventually leads to illness and I can't get sick, I have some sort of, some-what philosophical work to do.

So, while I find holes in my philosophy that I can't explain, the more I stay in my head trying to compartmentalize all of my experiences, the more all philosophies become bullshit at one point or another. When I feel this way, I'll just practice Ishvara Pranidhana and work on my positive karma credits, using my energy towards good for others, rather than feeling sorry for myself for things I want to change but can't. This is a much more healthy approach and benefits others at the same time. That's what Mother Theresa would do and I happen to dig her life's philosophy, I think. It's a win-win, until I decide it's not.

Rebirth and Renewel: Sa Ta Na Ma

2011-04-25T08:06:00.000-05:00

My blog has been neglected, but this is my personal space and it misses me, or rather, I miss it. After writing the last entry in September, I ended up going through some shifts in my life, wringing me out and catapulting me so far and so quickly I feel I've lived many lifetimes since.

Today is Easter and I found myself in some nostalgic moments, beginning last night when my son refused to decorate eggs with us (sniff) and then this morning when some music from my college days came blaring through my speakers reminding me of those days I lived for everyone else's vision of who I should be. How I have changed since then and how many more (sniffs) will I have as I watch my children grow and change.
Easter and Spring encourage the feelings of optimism, inspiration, and growth. For growth to occur, change must take place, when something changes, something else must cease to exist as we know it. We often fear change, but without change, we aren’t living.

It’s simple to grasp concrete objects such as eggs bringing forth new life or seeds manifesting new growth and even still, the birth or death of an animal or human being, but what about those things we cannot see, but feel? The cycle of life consists of many deaths and rebirths within a single incarnation as life brings us experiences.
In this life I have lived many and the person I was just 5 years ago, while at the soul level is still the same, I am now someone I could have never imagined myself “growing” into. The growth I have experienced came from the death of dreams I had with tumultuous relationships, failed goals, and embarrassing mistakes. At the time the pain and suffering of these events were not welcome, but now I view these things as the fuel behind the person I am today and I love who I am today even more because I went through all of these things and never lost the sense of my truest essence.

While I have experienced and continue to experience many deaths and rebirths, the most notable came for me when I was married and then divorced within two years. Madly in-love, I married a man when I was in my early 20’s who was an emotionally abusive addict, someone suffering on such a deep level that it brought out every part of me that had been suffering silently from past trauma for years. I never knew I could be so hateful, fearful, and desperate. He isolated me from my family and friends the best he could, literally telling me to run from him, yet leaving me no way out. I remember one early morning, after one of his drunken episodes and night out with other women, I had locked myself in the bathroom, afraid of what he might do, having already thrown up from his insults, when I realized I was either going to die or this stage of my life had to be over. No matter how much he was suffering, I could not complete this cycle of karma for him or myself if I stayed. It was time for this dream to die and a new life to be born and so it began. It was a painful death, but one that eventually led me to where I am today. The people I know, the career I have, my current husband and children, I experience because I moved to Texas when I married him. What a wonderful gift he gave me. From the birth and eventual death of that marriage, came many births and deaths, and more continue still and for each of them I am grateful.

As I watch people go through this cycle I realize how necessary it is and I hope they may be as blessed as I have been in understanding it is all a part of our growth process. Life is not made better up on the mountain top, but in the deep valleys where we have the choice to either give up or come face to face with our true grit and move on to that next chapter.

One of the first Chants I ever practiced is Sa Ta Na Ma. The Sa Ta Na Ma Kriya Meditation is used to embrace and celebrate the cycle of Life, Death, Birth, and Rebirth. When we can accept and embrace that change is the only constant and that we are here to evolve and grow, each death we experience becomes a little less painful than the last and each birth comes a little bit easier than the one before.

Sa Ta Na Ma: The Five Primal Sounds
Each Sound Evokes a Feeling:
Sa: Expansion
Ta: Transformation
Na: Universal Love
Ma: Communicativeness

Each Sound Represents The Eternal Cycle of Life:

Sa: Birth
Ta: Life
Na: Death
Ma: Rebirth

For Each Sound You Use a Hand Mudra:
Sa: Thumb to Index Finger = Gyan Mudra
Ta: Thumb to Middle Finger = Akash Mudra
Na: Thumb to Ring Finger = Prithvi Mudra
Ma: Thumb to Pinky Finger= Varun Mudra

The Meditation Practice:
Yogi Bhajan once said that if there is any meditation you practice, let this be the one.
Combine each mudra with it’s sound repeating each 3 times out loud, 3 times whispering, 3 times silently, 3 times whispering, 3 times out loud. As you progress, you may then practice this for 11 minutes, then work towards 31!

Embrace the Cycle!

Changing My View

2010-09-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

When the same situations that cause us suffering occur again and again and we have exhausted all options of changing these types of situations with our current view and/or methods, the only thing to do is change our view and quite possibly, set ourselves free.

I have been a grasper, a person afraid of abandonment, and a dependent on outside appreciation to feel self worth. I have held fast to my ideals, believing my way is the "right" way because I come from love with well wishes for the greater good. I have made others wrong, so I could be right. I have tried helping others, but in some cases have only held them back with my intrusion, not trusting in the natural flow of the Universe. Each and every time, I have been the cause of my own suffering.

I am making a vow to change my view and have been prescribed by my teacher to meditate more, retreat a couple of times per year, and learn to let go and let flow, narrowing the gap of no return on my negative emotions. To do this, means I will have more energy to do what I love most in the world, which is help people.

Of course, I knew all of this all long; I just needed to hit a personal bottom so the magic could begin to happen. I am now ready to do the work.

When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.

Difficult and easy support each other.

Long and short define each other.

High and low depend on each other.

Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master

acts without doing anything

and teaches without saying anything.

Things arise and she lets them come;

things disappear and she lets them go.

She has but doesn't possess,

acts but doesn't expect.

When her work is done, she forgets it.

That is why it lasts forever. ~Tao Te Ching

My Breathe into Recovery Article Published

2010-09-09T10:42:00.000-05:00

Yay! Woohoo! Yeehaw!

I can now add "published author" to my resume. I am now more motivated than ever to share my love for yoga through writing.

The following link is to the article I wrote about a program I put together several years ago. I have trained teachers in this method and enjoy hearing the feedback of those it has touched in some way.

Breathe Into Recovery Article on Yoga Sanga

*pats self on back and checks off goal on bucket list*

Unnecessary Grizzle & Kick Abouts

2010-08-05T12:38:00.000-05:00

Just In case you are vocabulary challenged like I am, grizzle and kick about are just fancy names for whining and complaining.

Ironically, I have a complaint or rather an observation.

While I assumed my second trip to India would be as spiritually sound and inspirational as the first one I experienced, I certainly did not expect the result to be what it has manifested itself into. Before I left for India, I was informed by my Reiki Master and Intuitive that my trip to India would not go as planned, that I should not become upset, as we would be exactly where we needed to be in order to cultivate greater compassion. As predicted, before we ever left for the pilgrimage, things were not running smoothly. From the beginning things were a struggle, why with lost and incorrect identification, to canceled flights, to 1,000 degree heat, to pre-monsoon floods that kept us parked on a six lane highway (which was supposed to be three lanes, but the divider lines on the road mean nothing in India) for hours, to the Bharat Bandh which closed down shops (it was okay, we were out of money anyway, but it kept us hunkered down in our hotel room for a couple of days), and on it went. The entire time I stopped myself from becoming upset and used humor to get through with a positive attitude (when really, I could have just cried so many times). Where was the peace and calm and spiritual advancement I was seeking? Turns out, it was everywhere, even in the most unlikely of places. Growth opportunities are always everywhere, we just don't take the time to see them.

I have this theory that we don't see obstacles as opportunities for growth because we are addicted to being miserable because we, inside, are miserable. Don't you wish all of the "things" we accumulate and work so diligently for could reach out, hug us, and tell us we are perfect just as we are? Things don't do that, so things don't make us happy. We have to make ourselves happy. I am suddenly reminded of this song:

What each of these "obstacles" did for me, was open my eyes and heart to even greater compassion by looking into the eyes and heart of the everyday Indian people. With these many unplanned chains of events, we were face to face with the poverty (lack of "things") of India, the newspapers, the news on TV, you know, real life sort of stuff, not the hanging out in the Ashram drinking chai tea, practicing yoga, and chanting sort of life I had experience during my first visit in 2007.

Early on in our journey I began watching, making eye contact, being with those who were begging for survival with a smile on their faces. I began listening through the peacefully chaotic sounds of the streets, hearing clearly the joyful singing among the people. The struggle is evident there, but there is an acceptance there also. This is not like Western societies where everything is clean and anything is possible and our accumulation of "things" is the goal. Sure we have people who struggle in the west and I do believe we need to do a better job of taking care of each other, but what is different, is that the people who do have "it all" aren't happy. So many who have it all are miserable because they have looked for happiness outside of themselves (I know I have and still do sometimes). Furthermore, there is no acceptance because we don't accept others because we are too busy not accepting ourselves. It really is as simple and as sad as that.

So, I'm not sure where to start, except with myself. I know that I have become more aware of my tendency to complain over silly little things and when I hear people around me do it I want to say,"Look how blessed you are!" It's not easy, we all have our stuff and we all have days nothing goes the way we think it should, but maybe we just aren't looking at things as they truly are? Maybe we need to save our complaints for things that really matter or count our blessings and help those who are struggling through experiences many of us will never know, like the death of a child or a life-threatening illness? Perhaps we can re-direct the energy we use up focusing on "lack" and take action by using the gifts we have in abundance? Helping others is a wonderful way to fill ourselves up along the way. In any case, we all have bad days and need a friend or two to vent to, but most of us have it pretty good (even with our painful experiences or growing pains).

I have no great insight, no one to quote this time, but I do have this video:

Feeling Significant?

2010-06-26T14:14:00.000-05:00

Recently a friend asked me,"Do you feel significant?" I was surprised by her question and she was equally surprised by my answer. "Of course I feel significant, I only feel sad when other people do not accept that my love for them is real," I said. In this moment I realized just how blessed I am as a human being to feel good about who I am in spite of the things I consider less than appealing about myself. What a blessing it is I treat myself with compassion. While I feel significant, I don't feel any more significant than the next person. All of us have our gifts, our talents, our weaknesses, our light, and our dark. All of us make this world interesting. All of us are other people's teachers. All of us are in this together, or at least we should be.

After I was asked this question, I came across this quote by the Dalai Lama and it struck me as the truth and as the possible solution to this "lack of feeling significant" issue.

"Recently I met a group of scientists in America who said that the rate of mental illness in their country was quite high-around twelve percent of the population. It became clear during our discussion that the main cause of depression was not a lack of material necessities but a deprivation of the affection of the others."

I try diligently to express my love for all beings, even strangers, as often as possible and it's not always easy. Over time I have learned that many people reject my kindness/love because they are suspicious, as I MUST want something in return, or I can't possibly have compassion for everyone. I have also had people turn on me after I have made a perceived mistake (often never really knowing what that mistake was), leaving me devastated, not understanding why they would not accept my kindness/love/compassion as true. My spiritual teacher once told me that people who do not love themselves and who are not kind to themselves can not possibly see this virtue in others. As "they" say, it's rarely ever about you, it is about that person and where they are on their own personal journey.

Then I found this quote that helped me understand why people so easily reject or mistrust those who are kind and who are open to love and compassion:

“It is lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.” ~Author Unknown

Compassion is the desire to help ease other living beings suffering. Compassion for all beings can be developed, but first, it must be embraced from within. For many who have not been shown compassion or who do not believe it exists, this is truly a task to take on.

I leave on Sunday for Northern India for two weeks. The last time I went to India, I felt inspired to create a space to help people heal and that space was a yoga studio. On this next journey, I am not certain what ideas I may walk away with, but this land is the perfect opportunity for me to feed myself so that I may come back practicing even more compassion in my community.

Here is a link to the blog I wrote after my last trip.

Until I Return,

May all sentient beings have equanimity, free from attachment, aggression and prejudice.
May they be happy, and have the causes for happiness.
May they be free from suffering and causes for suffering.
May they never be separated from the happiness that is free from suffering.

Namaste'

Inner Birkenride 2010, Making Peace with Anxiety

2010-05-20T12:22:00.000-05:00

Two months before the MS 150 Bike Ride, I bought a bike and began training for the two day, 160 mile bike ride (I wish they would call it the MS 160, but story is, the route changed, just not the name). I knew choosing a ride for charity would inspire me to reach my goal of completing some sort of event where I wore numbers on my body (because how cool is that?) and it did. I raised $1,080.00 for multiple sclerosis, $80 over my goal. Not only did I support those living with MS, I learned a lot about myself along the way.

My female friend T inspired me with her own past riding accomplishments and my male friend T, with years of experience, served as my coach, riding with me at a turtle's pace until I could go it alone. To these two people, I owe an abundance of gratitude and to my husband, I owe even more, because without his competitive spirit, I don't think I would have ever have been so determined to complete this ride in the way that I did.

Before beginning my training, the anxiety I had been living with was almost debilitating. Not many people know the intensity of the anxiety I have battled for years, being that I teach yoga and appear to be so grounded. The truth is, an anxious yoga teacher is simply a contradiction to the stereotype. In any case, I had reached the lowest point I had ever felt before, driven by a constant feeling that the rug was being swept out from underneath me and the constant roller coaster was mostly on the downhill. The asana, pranayama, meditation, and medication were no longer enough and I needed something more. At this point I was seeing a Reiki Master often and she asked,"Do you ride a bike?" Amazed I said,"I just bought one yesterday." She said,"That is going to be good for you." She was correct, it's one of the best things that has ever happened to me and it has changed my life.

After T got me comfortable on my bike, I started training on my own, 30 miles at a time alone, just me and my bike. Some days were easier than others, some seemed more uphill than downhill and some more windy and unyielding, but still, I kept on, alone, by myself, no one watching, receiving no approval or encouragement except for my own. For once in my life, I was enough. I do have to admit, however, I did feel very cool when I saw other riders or was surrounded by traffic.

The morning of the ride I was tired, I hadn't slept, but I was ready. I had all of my gear organized and I was on my way towards the completion of something which required me wearing numbers. My number was 887 and 7 is my favorite number, so I felt things were going to go my way. My friends and I started preparations to leave when I noticed my bike shoes were missing and all I had on were some Birkenstocks from 1993. I raced back to the luggage truck to try and find my black bag amongst the 100's of other black bags that looked just like mine. I selfishly prayed I would find my bag, my heart raced, my limbs started to go numb and I thought,"This can't happen." One of the event organizers said,"Mam, you can just ride tomorrow." I thought, "No, No, NO!" I thought of the people with MS and how some of them can barely move and then I heard my husband's voice,"No way you are actually going to train for this AND complete it." I turned around and male T was standing there and he said,"Well, are you just going to meet us in the middle and ride tomorrow?" I said,"Fuck that shit, I'm riding in my Birkenstocks." No doubt we laughed and no doubt I looked like a total Tool, but I wasn't giving up. Sure, you bet there were comments along the way. My favorite was a man who looked down at my feet and said,"OMG, are those Birkenstocks? I have been riding for 16 years and have NEVER seen that." I rode the first day, 86 miles, in my Birkenstocks, my feet felt great, the Birks survived, and I was proud of myself for sticking it out.

Day two I was even more exhausted and the hills and wind were almost too much. At one point a man came up next to me and he said,"Sit up straight so you can breathe!" I laughed at the irony of someone reminding ME, a yoga teacher, to correct my posture and breathe. I did what he said and managed to get up that hill with still a few curse words to spare for later. By the time we were at the last break point, I had exhausted all of my curse words and it was no longer fun. I just wanted to be finished. The rest of the way I thought about eating something other than power bars, pickle juice, and cookies and I thought even more about those living with MS. When I saw the Finish Line I was excited to see my family and my friend M who's mash-up picture I am posting here. I had crossed a finish line wearing numbers and could check another life goal off of my list.

This journey was an amazing one and the love I have for riding my bike is like breath to me. While my anxiety is still there, it no longer drives me or my actions, as I am in better control. The freedom I feel on my bike reminds me of childhood, an escape into the more playful part of my spirit. My next goal is to ride a Century (100 miles in one day) and who knows, I might even do it in my Birkentocks.

Vatsalyam "A Mother's Love"

2010-05-06T12:54:00.000-05:00

Listening to Alicia Key's Superwoman, I retreat to days of living with my beautiful, most fabulous, Superhero of a Mother. Some days I wanted her to go away forever and other days I wanted to crawl onto her lap and never leave.

I'm not sure many people know, or even if my Mother knows, but my Mother gave me permission to fall in love with the ancient practice of Yoga. Coming from Oklahoma, thick in the heart of The Bible Belt, Yoga was top secret stuff and I knew exactly NOBODY practicing yoga back when I received a book in early 1993 from my Mother. That book gave me the permission to explore what I already knew deep in my heart, as a five year old, sitting in the Southern Baptist church pew being told I was imperfect and unworthy of God's love. The name of the book eludes me now, but it catapulted me on the journey of self love and then to the acceptance that I believed differently than most people in my "home" state. With this acceptance and new quest for knowledge, I was truly at home in my heart.

A mother at age 16, my mother always made sure I looked nice, ate well, and performed well in school. Like other kids I had parties, sleep overs, and extra curricular activities such as dance and swimming lessons. I had my first child at age 28 and still, at age 37 I have a hard time getting my kiddos to all of their activities without complaining and I often think of what a hero my mother was to have done all of this at such a young age and I really had no idea at the time. Because my mother was so young, we were often mistaken for sisters and to this day you can see people who meet us for the first time going through the math in their heads when they learn of our ages. In the 70's this was not as acceptable as it is today, but my mother held her head high and forged through making a better life for both of us. My mom and I grew up together and I often joke that I was in college in the late 70's and early 80's. When my mom met the man who would become my father, she asked me for permission to marry him. The only objection I had was the fact that we would have to eat meat more often, other than that, I was down with it. From this Union came two little sisters, two more little girls to cloth, feed, and more working through girl-drama. My mom sacrificed and we all thrived.

My mother is an artist, a chef, a model beauty. My mother is classy, adventurous, but prefers to plant her flowers and stay home awhile. My mother can dance like Tina Turner and make a home comfortable, no matter where it is. My mother is freaking amazing. My mother is just now, with all of her little girls happy and healthy, able to live her life for herself.

So, whenever I touch people with the gift of yoga and they thank me, I have to give props to my mother for giving me the permission to express what was stuffed inside of me until she gave me the book that sent me soaring on my way.

Yoga For Bullies

2010-04-02T18:34:00.000-05:00

Had I known how to express Yoga in Kindergarten when I witnessed my first case of bullying, I would have had all eight or so of those little snot-nosed meanies drop and give me 10 Chaturangas, a full blown Ustrasana, and then a mighty Vrksasana while they all held hands and beamed love from their heart chakras towards the six year old they were tormenting. I remember this little boy like it was yesterday. This poor boy smelled like urine, was always dirty, and never said anything. I remember walking into the school to get a drink of water and around the water fountain was a mob of children standing around the water fountain while this poor, very smelly, and very sad little boy towerd above everyone on the stepping stool in order to reach the water spout. He looked so exposed and so vacant. As I walked in all I heard was,"No one will EVER be your friend!" I felt a jolt in my heart and then I heard a voice in my head say,"Don't do it, don't do it, they'll make fun of you too." Then out of my throat chakra I loudly exclaimed,"I"LL BE YOUR FRIEND!" I'm not really sure what happened after that, maybe I just blocked it out of my memory, but I do remember feeling complete compassion for this boy and was insanely proud of myself for doing the "right thing" at the expense of my own Elementary School Experience.

The bullying experience and suicide of Phoebe Prince is one I can relate to, so much so, I've taken myself back to the 8th grade and re-lived the experience in my mind, my heart still remembers the pain, and I still wonder where the compassion was in these people? Like Phoebe, I was the new girl, 15, and popular with the boys. I was called names (yes, even whore and slut just like Phoebe), stolen from, threatened, egged and Oh My the rumors were XXX rated! I'm not really sure how I made it to school each day, except that I had a few really close friends who loved to laugh (laughter makes everything better, it's the Universal band-aid). I would go home every day and cry, not understanding how anyone could treat another person so horribly. I'm not even sure I ever told my parents what was going on, as they had worries of their own. I do remember falling in-love with Norma Jean (Marilyn Monroe) around this time and would listen to the original Candle in the Wind song from Elton John's 1973 Album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Maybe the fact that Norma Jean (That's who she is to me) committed suicide kept me from "going there". I also thought a lot about the little boy from Kindergarten and wondered how horrible things must be for him if it was this bad for me? Surely there were people who had it worse? At least I had friends I could laugh with. At least I felt compassion in my heart, even for my bullies. I did not know it then, but I was already living the philosophy of yoga, the best I could at age 15,and it carried me through. I did not start practicing asana until age 20, but yoga philosophy was already intertwined in my spirit.

Compassion is the expression of the deep understanding that we are all connected and that we belong to each other. Bullying comes in many forms and adults do it just as much as children do, only adults are usually much more subtle and easily rationalize their behavior. I won't even read Gossip Magazines anymore, because, as I mentioned in my recent entry about gossip, it's also a form of bullying.

So, for Phoebe Prince:

Bliss: Yoga Communities Everywhere Holding Hands

2010-03-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

What is Yoga?

Isn't it that thing you do when you all hold hands? Ashok Kumar Banker

I just finished teaching the 8 Limbs of Yoga in my classes over the past 8 weeks. The above quote I used in my description of Samadhi. I love this quote more than just about anything I have read in years because it embraces, in my humble opinion, the true essence of Unity. Also, understand, my idea of heaven is everyone sitting around a camp fire, roasting marshmallows, and singing folk-rock songs.

I would really love to see more movement towards unity and acceptance throughout yoga communities around the globe. Right now I see more division and horrible business practices that only hurt our communities.

How do we do we create this Unity? I believe, with my entire heart chakra, that if we are truly practicing the 8 Limbs, this could easily come into fruition. The kicker is, we all must walk the walk, not just talk the talk. Talking is the easy part and I see people do it every day, but I also see the actions and they don't jive. I'm not saying we can't be allowed some lapse in judgement, it happens, we are human after all, but when it does happen, we can own up to it and make it right.

So, I'll admit it, I used to be anti-some styles of yoga, however, I realized, as a self-proclaimed Yoga Purist that this way of thinking was contradictory to my core belief of Unity, the belief in the overall good. Now I realize, what is good for me may be mumbo jumbo or even blah to someone else. I have always taught, take what you need, leave the rest, but seriously, my ego wanted everyone to resonate with what I had to say. Now that I know better, I understand how this could drive a wedge between teachers and the yoga community as a whole and now I teach only to the audience who is listening.

We all have opinions, but it does not mean our opinion resonates with the next guy, in fact, we might be on opposite ends of the yoga spectrum, but if we are practicing Yoga (not just asana), then we also understand that to speak ill of other teachers, styles, or studios is to NOT practice Unity/Yoga.

After all, isn't it wonderful that there are styles of yoga out there for everyone? Let's not get all up in everyone's chakras and instead, work towards holding hands and embracing our differences.

Gossip, A Destructive Habit

2010-01-26T11:39:00.000-06:00

“Using the analogy of the human mind as a computer, gossip can be compared to a computer virus. A computer virus is a piece of computer language written in the same language all the other codes are written in, but with a harmful intent.”
–Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Proverbs 11:13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
Proverbs 16:28 a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
All of us have, at some point been the victims of hurtful gossip and all of us have been the issuer of gossip or the entertainer of gossip. I am writing this because I have been a victim of gossip for over two years, since opening my yoga studio and it has hurt me deeply, making me feel helpless and tired. As a general rule I never say anything I wouldn't say to someone myself and if I hear something, I go to the source and ask questions (though, to my amazement, I have found that some people would rather hold on to negativity and the image they have created of you rather than get to the "truth" through an honest discussion or simply by looking at a person’s overall character to see if things add up). No matter how "big" or "small" the gossip may seem, chances are it will becomes much larger than you could have ever imagined as your words take on a life of their own.

“Good” Gossip/Sharing
In general we rarely sit around and talk about how great someone is or how wonderful it is they have such a lovely life, but we should do more of this. I admire people who can find something positive to say about everyone, even when that person has hurt him or her in some way. I believe these people have more awareness and allow for the human condition of making mistakes and/or the understanding that our perception of a situation may be skewed. We can express opinions without being judgmental. We can look at both sides of a situation and find a common ground. This keeps Unity in place. This is Yoga.

“Bad” Gossip/Harmful Intent
There is a line between sharing to get clarification and vengeful gossip. The first thing you should do if you have a problem with someone is go to them directly before you spread harmful words that may not be the truth, but rather a misunderstanding. Try and assume that the person you are about to “trash” may not even realize what they have done, may be struggling with some sort of crisis which causes them to act out of character, and/or consider your own view might be clouded due to your own life experience at any given moment. Going forth and blindly insulting someone’s character or actions or going along with someone who is doing this is destructive and hurtful. This path destroys friendships, families, communities, and personal character. This is not Yoga.

Issuer's Intent “Tear someone down”
Jealousy, and/or Revenge (To feel superior by bringing someone else down)
For Control, Power, and/or Fear (Those who do not want to see anyone else succeed so they are always on top)
To feel a part of a group (If they have something to say, it will make them feel more valuable)
Boredom (If their life is not interesting, they may gravitate towards situations that are.)

Entertainers Role “Taking Sides”
All of the above applies to this, but I would say the entertainer is even more responsible for the hurtful gossip because he/she gives life to the gossip and many times the person is “taking sides” without the victim of the gossip ever having done anything to them. This is a situation that tears friendships and communities apart. In my experience, finding out that an Issuer has gone to my friends to spread ill intention about me, then my friends not tell me and also not defend my character has resulted in a loss of trust between some close friends and myself. I have also witnessed a change in treatment from one person and then all of a sudden anyone associated with that person also starts treating me differently. Again, I always ask questions when these things start to happen, but I do not always get an answer.
Have you ever found yourself saying,”OMG, I KNOW, you are sooo right about that, I never thought about that? He or she IS just as you say! If so, you are being swayed and giving life to something that may not even be true. If we want peace, then we must ask questions and form our own opinions, not because we want someone else to like us, but because it is the “right” thing to do. In fact, I have defended a couple of people who have trashed me because I do not believe in adding fuel to the fire and do know, deep down, they are hurting just like I am.

Victim Feels
Alone, devastated, helpless, embarrassed, used, betrayed, and the list goes on. Never underestimate the power gossip causes, no matter how “strong” or “put together” the person you are gossiping about appears. Chances are, the person you are gossiping about is just as sensitive as you are and maybe even more so.

How to Stop Gossiping
Go to the source, ask questions and clear the air (Integrity)
Look at the overall character of the person. (Awareness)
Tell an issuer to “Go to the person they are taking about” (Teach them it is ok to communicate openly) without taking sides.
Form your own opinions about people, but always act from a place of compassion.
Ask yourself if what you are about to say going to improve on the silence.
Stop buying Gossip centered Magazines or watching Gossipy TV shows. (admit it, there is a sense of pleasure you get knowing the rich and famous get knocked down a few rungs)
Choose a couple of close friends you can confide in who you know will call you on your words if they become gossipy or you cross the line. (I have made this pact with a couple of close friends)
If something happens between yourself and someone else, do an inventory of your entire relationship with the person. How have they helped you in the past? How do they do for others? A favorite quote of mine is, ”Blessed are those who give without remembering and receive without forgetting.” This quote has shown me that even those who have gossiped about me have done good things for me and therefore, I cannot judge them on this one thing, no matter how harmful it has been to me.

If you do these things you cannot hide what is truly going on inside of yourself and it is an opportunity for growth. We should want others to grow and live in peace, just as we want to grow and live in peace. Mother Teresa said, ”If we have no peace in the world, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other”.

Freedom From Suffering

2010-01-21T11:32:00.000-06:00

"Karuna is not merely showing pity or compassion and shedding tears of despair for the misery (duhkha) of others. It is compassion coupled with devoted action to relieve the misery of the afflicted. The yogi uses all his resources -- physical, economic, mental or moral -- to alleviate the pain and suffering of others. He shares his strength with the weak until they become strong. He shares his courage with those that are timid until they become brave by his example. He denies the maxim of the 'survival of the fittest', but makes the weak strong enough to survive. He becomes a shelter to one and all."
-B.K.S. Iyengar, Light on Yoga, 45th paragraph of the Introduction.

Mother Theresa also said,"If we have no peace in the world, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

As I put together a special class for Haiti this coming Sunday, I realize the destruction or tragedy it often takes for most people to stop and show compassion. Perhaps they are unaware that what happens to you also happens to me and what happens to me also happens to you. While I am honored to teach a class for a special purpose, openly advertised as such, I like to think that every class I teach is an offering to relieve suffering of others. Relieving suffering has always been the intention behind my teaching, but it seems, in the coming together for a specific purpose, the energy and intention behind it is greater because people's emotions are more open.

The following is a video I came across awhile back. The images are disturbing, but the message can not do anything but bring out the compassion in others and the realization that we all need and want the same things.

The chant is Lokha Samasta Sukino Bhavantu "May all the world be happy."

Bustin Out

2010-01-14T16:19:00.000-06:00

See, I didn't make any resolutions for 2010, but I have a feelin I am going to be bustin out of some boxes people have put me in this year. I don't like boxes, as they are crowded, dark, not to mention it's tough to spread out in them (you know, wings, halos and other body parts) and even as a not-so-perfect Yogini, I still recognize that's not a good thing because boxes do cramp my living yoga style.

Yoga teaches us to pay attention. So do showers (I find a lot of clarity in showers). When my body starts to become tight, my breath shallow, my spirit confined, I know some changes need to be made. Sometimes changes mean shedding relationships, careers, environments, that insist on putting you in their little cramped box. Sometimes, you have to look yourself in the mirror and say NO to letting yourself be put in these boxy situations in the first place.

Then, read this quote: Always think outside the box and embrace opportunities that appear, wherever they might be. Lakshmi Mittal

Stepping outside the box, or many boxes and being yourself is a brave thing. Not everyone is going to like you stepping outside of their little box they have created for you and you may feel uncomfortable shedding the box you have created for yourself, but Yoga teaches us that our journey is to reunite with the Divine within, our greatest Bliss. How can we do this if we allow others to create our story for us or if we keep re-playing and buying into the "I should be" or "they want me to be" noise?

Shhhhhh...did you hear that? What's that sound?

Only the sound of my feet stepping out of a nasty box.

Who's with me?

Namaste'

Resolving to Resolve Nothing in 2010

2009-12-31T08:06:00.000-06:00

Here is my list of resolutions for 2009.

Ameliorate my patois since people tend to repudiate the fact that I possess a Master’s Degree. (I kept this up for about one week, I only learned about two new words all year long).

Train to run a ½ Marathon (I said train…..not actually do it, if I do it, I want a platinum cookie). (Never even came close to happening, most I ever ran was 3 miles...almost).

Learn at least one song on my guitar and post on U-Tube for all to enjoy/make fun of. (I learned about 4 chords and forgot all of them already.)

Expand my knowledge of Ayurveda to a more substantial level. (Okay, I did do this! YES!)

Renew my wedding vows, written by yours truly, using my expanded vocabulary! (This never happened either, but in my heart it's all good.)

So, I figure I'll have much more success this year if I resolve to resolve nothing.

CHEERS!

Namaste'

Sat Nam

Amen

Best Thing I Learned in 2009

2009-12-28T17:36:00.001-06:00

The Veil of illusion was lifted for me in 2009. In fact, before 2009, I'm not even really sure I knew what was meant by "illusion" or the significance of the Veil. I "get" it now. It all comes down to Perception.

What do you see?

Some people see two faces and some people see a vase. Some people see ugly faces, while some people see pretty faces. Is the vase pretty or ugly in your view?

All of my life I have seen myself as generous, kind, loving, and accepting. In fact, I would say I have been all of those things as I live my life, teach my yoga classes, and run my yoga studio. I am proud of who I am and what I have done for others. It seems, however, some people may view me as something contrary to my own view. Others may actually perceive me as a fake, aloof, or even ugly. I am not certain how my actions can be so skewed in someone else's view, but indeed they can and have been. While 2009 slapped me a few times in the face and kicked me even more times in the stomach with this other "reality" that was out there, I simply would never have believed someone could view me as anything other than generous, kind, loving, and accepting.

While speaking to my teacher, he explained to me how my actions and my intentions may be viewed by others and how some people would rather view me negatively, especially if it meant they could get out of paying some Karmic debt they thought they owed me. Apparently being kind actually can mean you are trying to get something from someone in some people's view, being Generous can look like a form of control, being loving can come off as fake, and being accepting comes off as a lie to others (In other words, how can anyone possibly accept someone just as they are?). Perception all depends on the person and their life experience.

I have always believed that my looks do not match up to my inner most feelings. Kind of like this poster (This may be an extreme example, but I feel the perception some people have about me is in EXTREME opposition to what I truly have going on inside of me):

So, while I have learned that all of the world actually is an illusion and we must all try and see through the Veils we have created and placed upon ourselves and others, what is truly important is this:

Self Conscious Kid, WHY?

2009-12-14T09:35:00.000-06:00

‘Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things.’ ~Ray Bradbury

Yoga teaches us not to be self-conscious or at least allows us to recognize when we are being self-conscious. It is amazing to me how young we are when we suddenly buy into how un-cool, un-attractive, or un-something we are. We start out as creative and free beings and then something horrible happens that changes our sense of freedom to be exactly who we are.

In any case, my 8 year old son competed in a National Chess Tournament which, as you know, is pretty much a dork-fest where most of the world is concerned. I, however, think my son is pretty cool and am so proud that he has found something he enjoys.
While he was away at the tournament, a friend of mine and her two daughters came over to make Holiday Cookies and paint our toes Christmasy, and have a girl day with my daughter and me. My son thinks my friend's older daughter is cute so he says,"Tell S, I am off at war." Never before had he mentioned being embarrassed of playing chess, but obviously he felt the need to impress and so he decided War was much cooler. While this was funny, it made me sad also. Do we really start trying to hide who we really are at such a young age? How can we stop this?

Me, I just practice yoga, it helps me remember (me).

I believe yoga can help us accept ourselves, as well as others, exactly as we are.

I believe. I believe. I believe.

Favorite Game to Play in 2009 (Church of Christ Driving Game)

2009-12-10T10:10:00.000-06:00

Back in the day, to pass the time, we played Slug Bug while driving.

The rules were simple:

Use your fist to punch your opponent when you saw a VW Beetle! If you punch first, you win a point! The one with the most points wins...nothing (except maybe a less bruised body).

Fist

Plus

Equaled Hours O Fun!

Today, one can not find many bugs, so my husband and I thought it would be fun to make up a similar game using something we see a lot while we drive around these parts. We are in Texas, there are many Churches, so we chose Churches as our subject. We found we were hitting each other a little too frequently, so narrowed the topic to Churches of Christ only, as to honor Ahimsa(Non-harm).

While searching for Christmas gifts, I think I found the perfect gift for my husband, in honor of the game we love to play so much.

Best Thing I Bought in 2009 (Space for Alone Time)

2009-12-09T12:38:00.000-06:00

A garden requires patient labor and attention. Plants do not grow merely to satisfy ambitions or to fulfill good intentions. They thrive because someone expended effort on them. ~ Liberty Hyde Bailey

I find peace surrounded by plants and trees. My entire life I have gravitated towards sun rooms and since the days of my 1st apartment, have wanted a sun room, a space for myself and all of my beloved plants. This year, we built one onto the house and I have just started to move into it. Even though it's only half way moved into, I feel comforted in this space. My sun room feels like a cabin with cedar on the walls, plants lining the windows, and wind chimes moving with the wind outside. This is my own personal heaven.

My in-laws have a sun room and every time I visit I curl up on the wicker love seat and take a nap. I don't typically nap, but the plants combined with the warmth of the sun somehow give me the permission to let go. During this year's Thanksgiving visit, my six year old daughter found her way into my in-laws sun room and curled up on the wicker sofa. Shortly after she was comfortable, my son walked in and sat down across from her, taking it all in. Suddenly my daughter yelled out,"This is MY alone time, you need to leave!"

This is EXACTLY how I feel when someone steps foot into my sun room. I will share it, however, even though I don't want to. I think my entire family feels the peace radiating from the plants and I am pretty certain the plants enjoy my daughter's singing, my son's silly jokes, and my husbands abundance of awesomeness, but I still must have my alone time. We all need alone time.

When I do have my sun room to myself, this is the perfect space for mindful meditation, beginning with a pranayama practice, followed by focusing on one plant or the sway of a wind chime outside of one of the windows. My favorite pranayama to practice before meditation is Nadhi Sodhana. The object I focus on depends on what catches my eye first and the length of the meditation depends on the circumstances of the day. My hope is that this gift I bought myself this year will turn into a more regular meditation practice from here on out. I'm pretty sure a regular meditation practice is going on my list of things to accomplish in 2010.

Namaste'

Best of Review for 2009, Let Us Begin

2009-12-05T10:34:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Gwen Bell I am going to take on the challenge of reviewing the past year. I'm late starting, naturally, but I can always catch up, or not. *I'm also going to relate every post to yoga in some way. Easy. Let us begin.

1. Best Trip of 2009

Since opening my yoga studio a little over two years ago, my family and I have not had the opportunity to travel much at all and when we do, we make it short and sweet. As I went through the boxes of memories in the past year, I realized that we only took two, one to Vegas and another two day trip to Houston to visit my familial units and meet up with my siblings. While I loved Vegas, my husband did not (mainly because he lost and I won), so the trip to Houston wins. This trip to Houston changed the course of my life.

The Impromptu Trip to Houston for the 4th of July was simply a blast. Understand, I do not care for Houston, especially in the sweltering heat and horrible humidity it offers in the dead of summer, but sometimes we sacrifice for the love of family. I can relate the heat of the environment of Houston in the summer to that of a *Bikram Yoga class. See, easy yoga reference.

The beautiful part of this trip is that I have always been up for spontaneous trips, no planning, just hitting the road. My husband, however, needs a plan, a solid plan. This was the 1st trip we ever took without a plan and my husband was calm the entire time, as if he had taken a nurturing, *restorative yoga class, or had enjoyed a few beers. I was so proud of him for going along with this last minute trip and so happy to revisit my spontaneous road trip roots. It felt like going home in more ways than one, a return the spontaneous life I had before adult responsibilities tamed me, while at the same time surrounded by the love of my family. This was the perfect recipe for Bliss!

Before this trip some hurtful things had been happening in my business life and I felt some "growing pains" coming to a head. This trip reminded me what was important. What's more important than Family? In any case, the freedom I felt on this trip released all of my anxiety and brought clarity that I could only ever find in brief moments on my *yoga mat or in the car or shower chanting my heart open.
This trip inspired me to purchase the print from The Story People by Brain Andreas:

"Everything changed the day he figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in his life."

This trip was the gateway from an old way of thinking, to the new, healthy and balanced way of being.

Fall Into Balance

2009-09-22T13:53:00.000-05:00

Fall is my favorite season, even though my already abundance of Vata goes haywire if I am not careful. With each change of season we all react in various ways, but nature usually takes over giving us the signals our body and mind need to keep us balanced, however, most of us ignore the innate signals due to habit and lack of awareness.

Ayurveda teaches that our constitutional make-up changes with the seasons and so should our habits. It’s natural for us to change our clothing and adjust the temperature of our houses and occasionally we may even have the urge for warmer or cooler foods when appropriate , but many of us do not understand how important this truly is! Being that most of us are focused on the physical self, we underestimate that the changes of season also significantly impact our energetic body as well, sending us in mood swings we think are out of our control.

So, how can we alter our lifestyle a bit to stay balanced during the changing seasons? If we take the steps to alter our diet and activities we choose, we can help ourselves transition with the changing seasons with grace.

So, what’s happening? In the Fall, Vata which is composed of air/ether is high and if out of balance our skin can become dry, constipation is more prevalent, the mind restless with anxiety, and/or depression, and we become more prone to colds or the flu. When balanced, Vata is full of creativity and mentally sharp.

Here are some recommendations to keep you healthy and help ward off those nasty colds and feelings of nervousness and depression that can occur during the Fall:

Chow ON (Think Warm and Grounding)

Do note that all diets should be in-season and adjusted for your individual constitution, so what I write here is simply a guide)

Drink warm liquids: like tea, warmed milk, chai, lassi
Sour Fruits: Cherries, cranberries, apples etc…
Vegetables: sweet potatoes, peas, beets, carrots, eggplant, squash, peppers (not green), artichokes, green beans, yams.
All nuts are groovy.
Grains: Cream of wheat, rice, pasta
Protein sources such as eggs, fish and white meat are good.

Foods to reduce: Dry cereals, cold or iced foods, barley, corn, buckwheat, rye, dried fruits (raisins are fine when soaked in water first. Dates are fine.), and Raw Salads (I know, this one is tough)

Fall Practices/Activities
Abhyanga or Daily self-massage with a warm oil (I keep mine in a bottle and warm it and put it on before I shower). Use oils such as sesame, olive, or almond
Meditation
Yoga Asana

Asana For a Healthy Immune System!*

Twists act as a tournaquit massaging and rejuvenate immune organs and channels.

Inversions such as Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Facing Dog pose) improve the flow of the sinuses and help flush mucous from the lungs. A favorite of mine is Viparita Karani (Legs up the wall pose) Forward Bends do the same thing!

Backbends are lung openers like Ustrasana (Camel pose)

Restorative Yoga poses can provide healing benefits during low periods of energy often experienced during the Fall and Winter

*If you have any injuries, please consult your doctor or an experienced yoga teacher before practicing.

Observing The Other Side Of Life

2009-08-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."
~ Dawna Markova

I don't believe in Death, but in rebirth. Even still I can not help but feel helpless and full of grief when I visit aging relatives, terminally ill family/friends, or attend funerals. In fact, I am afraid of these situations, not because I am afraid of death, but rather afraid of the feeling of helplessness that overwhelms me when I am faced with it.

Yoga teaches us that we are all connected, what I do to/for you, I do to/for myself. I know this to be true for me, but when there is nothing I can do to help and am left with the position to "watch" the aging, illness, dieing, or what have you, I tend to avoid these situations. Avoidance=Guilt as I resist what I am observing.

Today I sit and blog because I am procrastinating having to travel to a funeral for someone on one side of the family and visit my aging Aunt and Grandparents on the other side of the family. To top this off, I'll be seeing a dear friend who's light is almost gone from her eyes due to substance abuse and care-taking of a child who may not live past age 7.

In most situation I am a helper, not an observer. I tend to observe and follow with action.

In the situations above I feel helpless and I become the observer fraught with guilt.

I went to my 1st funeral in Kindergarten for a neighbor named Mr. Purty. I did not understand what that meant, I just knew he was no longer there when I walked over for a visit. Around this same time I found a dead squirrel and I tried to bring it back to life, but could not, so I buried it, just like they did Mr. Purty.

I come from a huge family, so I have since been to many funerals and hospitals and I prefer the ones where they celebrate the life of the person rather than focus on the death. These deaths have all been due to age and I wonder if they lived like the quote above? That is worth celebrating.

I have also had 3 friends die very young from cancer or complications from surgery due to cancer. One was one of my best friends from high-school & Freshman year roommate in collage. I traveled from Dallas to Houston to see this friend in the hospital and finally when she was at home on hospice. I remember clearly sitting with her parents and them planning her funeral while she lay in the next room, while they should have been planning a wedding or some other event for a young twenty-something. I also remember clearly reading the "do not resuscitate" papers on the kitchen counter. I wanted to run away from this. The last thing I did for her was spoon feed her a dream-cicle flavored snow cone (she died two days later). The other two were twins of a friend I consider family. The first twin was actually present when my friend above died. Right after she died he found out he had cancer and died within a few months. I went to see him in the hospital several times too. I will never forget the face of his mother at his funeral or the screams she let out over his coffin. His twin became ill with the same cancer his twin had a couple of years later and then passed from complications of surgery. I had not seen the family in years when I attended the second funeral, but his mother had the same look in her eyes and tremble in her body when she hugged me. The brother of the twins (one of my dearest friends) felt helpless and guilty through each brother's illness. He too struggled with just observing.

So, here I sit reflecting on the many deaths I have witnessed and realize that I have the same feeling at each funeral, whether I knew the person well or not. Is it because I have always believed death to be more of a re-birthing, even when I was raised to think otherwise? If I believe this, then why do I feel the need to move beyond Observer to more of a care-taker position? Why do I embrace guilt as a punishment for my lack of care-taking abilities?

As for aging and my Grandparents and my Aunt, every time I see them I feel sad and helpless. My inner child remembers them differently and wants them back the way they were. My Grandparents helped raise me and my Aunt never had children, so she always treated her nieces and nephews as her own. I adopted her an as an honorary Grandmother years ago. Last time I saw my aunt in the retirement home she said,"Get me out of here!" and then bit me. I left (without her) telling myself I would never go back. I am going back tomorrow and she is in even worse shape now and has since moved to a nursing home. My Grandparents are a whole other story, but when I see them I am happy-sad for lack of a better word. I could help them so much more, but I choose not to. Observer guilt setting in.

In any case, it is time to stop procrastinating while I live a life I can be proud of. I am proud of myself for facing my fears for the next few days and my intention is to be okay with being the observer. I'll do my best.

Choosing Silence

2009-08-18T07:35:00.000-05:00

As a whole, we are all much more busy and less focused than ever. We are overstimulated with constant communication. We get upset when we can not get a hold of someone in 3 minutes. ***hold on a text just came in***

We are so busy trying to connect with others that we have ceased connecting with ourselves and in doing so our emotions are no longer stable, but rather in a state of flux. Much like this:

As I was saying, we are constantly multi-tasking in order to connect with others. We can blog, text, email, shop, and listen to the horrible news on the TV all at once. ***hold on, gotta go get some juice for my kiddo***

We have this unyielding need (desire) to work more, volunteer more, buy more, be more (beautiful, social, educated, etc..). ***Oh look, Mike's status on Facebook indicates he is doing absolutely nothing at the moment, but isn't he on Facebook?***

I don't think we know how to do "nothing" anymore. I think it's a problem. This is simply my opinion and nobody asked for it, but for the sake of being too idle, I thought I would muse a bit.

We are simply too busy, yet we keep piling on more!

I have been off of my anxiety medication for six months now and while I live with a constant state of panic, a heaviness in my chest, I am determined to relieve my anxiety as naturally as I can this time. I have put in countless hours of research regarding anxiety and here are the symptoms I have found that I live with almost constantly unless I am teaching or practicing yoga. Truly, these two times are the only times I find peace.

I Experience:

* Feelings of apprehension or dread
* Trouble concentrating
* Feeling tense and jumpy
* Irritability
* Restlessness
* Feeling like my mind has gone blank
* Pounding heart
* Stomach upset
* Shortness of breath
* Muscle tension
* Headaches
* Fatigue

While anxiety is the natural and healthy response to fight or flight, having these sensations constantly indicate I have a problem. While I would love to spend 24 hours a day practicing yoga asana, meditation, or pranayama, I don't think this would bode well in my life as a modern day woman. ***hold on gotta make sure the kids are ready to leave for our 30 errands of the day as soon as I finish this blog***

So, what am I to do?

I am choosing to go silent and make the connection to myself. I have not been listening much to Self and now it is time. Yes, I am volunteering to be in my very own, overly processes head. Alone. I am also researching various silent retreats and hope to be brave enough to attend one in the next year. I have started a 40 Day Journal to record this process. I will not be seeking council from others, but rather, depending on my intuition and trusting I will make the changes needed to return to a more healthy and balanced state of being. The only way I can get there is to stop and listen.

“See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...we need silence to be able to touch souls.” Mother Teresa

Thursday, How I Love Thee

2009-08-13T09:56:00.000-05:00

First of all, I was born on a Thursday. Naturally, this means Thursdays on this planet became that much more special on March 1, 1973.

I had a Vedic Astrologer tell me that Ganesha is my Hindu Deity and that Thursday is the day I should pay my respects to Ganesha. Oddly enough, when I visited India, Ganesha was the only Deity I bowed down to.

The Vedic Astrologer also said that Ganesha's color is orange and that I should wear orange on Thursdays, so I do. I wear Orange every Thursday.
Here is a picture of me, on a Thursday, sporting my favorite orange Prana pants!

I enjoy teaching yoga on Thursdays, so I teach two classes back to back. Never before have I enjoyed teaching back to back classes, but for some reason Thursdays work for me. Also, the classes have a different vibe than any of the others I teach. Maybe it's just me feeling groovy in my orange clothes, sitting on top of my orange yoga rug used only for teaching, with my orange Klean Kanteen close by.

Happy Blissful Thursday, may all of your Thursdays be filled with great joy and an abundance of happiness!

A Thursday quote for you:

“Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.”
~Jeff Raskin

Avocado Love

2009-07-23T12:15:00.000-05:00

I am not one hundred percent certain of much, but one thing I am certain of, one thing that never changes, is my love for avocados.

Me + Avocados= Love

That's all I really KNOW right now. Many changes happening in my beautiful, complex life, but my love for the fruit also known as the "Butter Pear" remains a constant.

Smiles & Laughter Bring Insight

2009-07-09T09:47:00.000-05:00

The past three months have been some of the most challenging months of my short 36 years. My challenges pale in comparison to many on this planet, but still, they are my own and I have the right and responsibility to sit with these challenges and learn from them the best way I know how.

Sometimes I just do this:

Okay, I admit it, I always ask for counsel from my closest friends who I know will tell me areas I need to explore and improve upon, this way I don’t become disillusioned about how everything is everyone else’s fault and responsibility. It also helps that they don't charge me anything and they also give out free hugs.

Which brings me to this:

Recently I had a conversation with someone that literally made me want to throw up, but given I was sitting in my newly cleaned car I opted to have a nervous breakdown instead. This option was less messy, especially since I was not wearing make-up that day or else I might have opted to get out of my car and just run screaming, sweaty, but make-up still intact.

As a yoga teacher I vow only to teach what I know and what I know changes from day to day. I had to plan my class theme for the week after this happened. I asked one trusted friend, ”What should I do? I can’t teach pulling the covers up over our heads for and hour and fifteen minutes. Another friend said, ”Just give yourself this day to grieve, nothing more.” I personally thought, in my mind, she was nuts, as I am the wallowing type (I know, yuck right?). Finally, another friend said,” I am teaching laughter this week.” I said, “I am so stealing that idea.” She said, ”Go ahead!” So, collectively my friends came to my rescue and in doing so gave me a wonderful idea for one of my favorite class themes ever.

What I learned was that I CAN make a choice. Instead of one full day of grieving, I gave myself around 8 hours. I started looking for things that made me laugh and in doing so changed my view. I also cleared the view for what had transpired and gained perseverance from it and in such a joyful way to boot. I never thought I could turn myself around like that. Laughter and Smiles became my theme and the asana of the week became Handstand because seriously, who can practice Donkey Kicking up into Handstand without a smile? My pranayama became the Smiling Breath. There is nothing like looking over a classroom where everyone is smiling, including yourself, when less than 24 hours before you wanted to ram your head into some drywall.

A Few Good Quotes:

Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit. ~Author Unknown

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other. ~Alan Alda

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. ~Kurt Vonnegut

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
-- Author Unknown

Benefits of Laughter:

It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown.
-- Author Unknown

Laughter Decreases "Stress" Hormones
The results of the study also supported research indicating a general decrease in stress hormones that constrict blood vessels and suppress immune activity. These were shown to decrease in the study group exposed to humor.
For example, levels of epinephrine were lower in the group both in anticipation of humor and after exposure to humor. Epinephrine levels remained down throughout the experiment.
In addition, dopamine levels (as measured by dopac) were also decreased. Dopamine is involved in the "fight or flight response" and is associated with elevated blood pressure.
Laughing is aerobic, providing a workout for the diaphragm and increasing the body's ability to use oxygen.
Laughter brings in positive emotions that can enhance – not replace -- conventional treatments. Hence it is another tool available to help fight the disease.
Experts believe that, when used as an adjunct to conventional care, laughter can reduce pain and aid the healing process. For one thing, laughter offers a powerful distraction from pain.
In a study published in the Journal of Holistic Nursing, patients were told one-liners after surgery and before painful medication was administered. Those exposed to humor perceived less pain when compared to patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy.
Perhaps, the biggest benefit of laughter is that it is free and has no known negative side effects.

Muscle Relaxation - Belly laugh results in muscle relaxation. While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relaxes. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax. So, the action takes place in two stages.
Reduction of Stress Hormones - Laughter reduces at least four of neuroendocrine hormones associated with stress response. These are epinephrine, cortisol, dopac, and growth hormone.

Immune System Enhancement - Clinical studies have shown that humor strengthens the immune system.
Pain Reduction - Humor allows a person to "forget" about pains such as aches, arthritis, etc.

Cardiac Exercise - A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging." Laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning especially for those who are unable to perform physical exercises.
Blood Pressure - Women seem to benefit more than men in preventing hypertension.
Respiration - Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing. Especially beneficial for patent's who are suffering from emphysema and other respiratory ailments.

So..laugh on ya'll!

Summah-Time Yoga

2009-06-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

I really should be on my way to the studio right now, but my kids are like this:

I am not one for "fighting" to get to a yoga class and will consider my children's vacation from school as a sign I need to get a little more serious about my personal practice. Oh, but how I love to socialize with my favorite people at Blue Anjou, the best yoga studio in the history of ever (as my good friend Leila likes to say).

Here we are: (Kent Pilkington Photography)

With all of my boot camping, running, and biking I've been doing this summer, my quads are feeling pretty rock solid and my hip flexors feel shorter.

Anatomy Lesson? Ok.

While a nice, slow, Vinyasa Flow class is sounding quite loverly right now, it is a gentle, Yin Yoga class my body needs. The beauty of a personal practice is that I can do exactly what my body needs and then afterward I will be forced to socialize with myself and that's not such a bad thing is it?

My Plan:

Because Yin yoga focuses on the connective tissues of the body, we must hold these asanas for several minutes. Originally there were only 14 Yin poses, but naturally, we (meaning the masses who teach yoga and think they know better)have created more, so I have plenty of options to choose from. A Yin practice is perfect for athletes and teaches us about the softer side of ourselves. Yin yoga focuses on the connective tissues of the hips & also aids in regulating the flow of Qi through the Meridian system. There is so much more I could scribe here, but so little time and I still need to go practice!

My Theme is inspired by Rumi. "So let the body speak for you now without you saying a word, like the student walking behind the teacher says this one knows better than I the way."

I'm listening to my body and I am feeling I need this:
*The following links are from YinYoga.com. I love this site because it offers contraindications and I am a safety girl!

A couple of rounds of gentle Suryanamaskar to warm the muscles (though it's 1,000 degrees in Texas right now, so I could just step outside for 30 seconds)
Anahatasana
Sphinx
Some Dragons
Camel
Saddle
Half Butterfly
Reclining Twists
Savasana

Then I will meditate on how great it is to be all by myself with the kids banging on my door.

Sunshine and Daisies Today, Cloudiness and Weeds Tomorrow

2009-03-17T08:53:00.000-05:00

If you knew yourself for even one moment,
If you could just glimpse your most beautiful face,
Maybe you wouldn’t slumber so deeply in that house of clay.
Why not move into your house of joy
and shine into every crevice!
For you are the secret Treasure-bearer, always have been.
Didn’t you know?
~ Rumi

As a yoga teacher, I believe my job is to offer an experience such that a poem like the one mentioned above becomes an inner knowing, that this is Truth, and yes, Bliss is our birthright. We are perfect as we are. All is as it should be. This feeling, this inner knowing is easy to teach when one is on top of their game and feeling an abundance of joy to share, but what of circumstances when a yoga teacher or any spiritual teacher is going through difficult experiences I prefer to term “growing pains”. As much as we are viewed as “having it all together” in our field, we still must fall if we are to continue our spiritual growth. With any growth, there must be discomfort of some sort or we become unaware or stagnant. If we become unaware, we lose sight of the bigger picture and our knowing that the universe/God resides within us and so, we are all connected. If we become stagnant we become stale, leaving our students wanting more from us, yet we have nothing to give. We spend thousands of dollars training ourselves on the physical forms of yoga, ignoring the needs of the spirit.
How do we continue as yoga teachers to teach peace, love, bliss when we feel disharmony, distrust, and/or sorrow? I believe this is an opportunity to relate to our students, making us that much more approachable and believable when offering our teachings. Perhaps it may be a jolt when the usual Happy-Go-Lucky, Sunshine, and Gerber Daisy’s teacher takes his/her space on the mat, offering a lesson from a place where feelings of grief, cloudiness, and weeds reside. We can utilize our current state of being in our teachings of the Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali, which guide us through the roller coaster life within the human condition. We may be spiritual beings, but we are humans on planet Earth and sometimes life is uncomfortable, even for the most spiritual of human beings. Just as a physical manifestation of pain denotes our body’s need to be tended to, so does the pain of the spirit suggest we have some spiritual healing to do.
Finally, because we teach like aspects of Rumi’s poem, our students, if they have taken our previous teachings sincerely and to heart, they will notice the struggle and the truth behind the “always peaceful and optimistic” persona we try to create for the sake of our students. My experience has been that the students intuitively know when it is their time to teach us and they do so with a pat on the back, an inspirational email, a smile after class that is filled with 1,000 words of encouragement, or even a mention of a lesson you taught them that hits home and is appropriate for your current state of being.

So, while we teach all experiences are designed for our growth and everything is as it should be, we still must allow ourselves to falter, fall, and finally grow more beautifully than we could ever imagine. We must continue to encourage and love ourselves as much as we encourage and love our students. This seems logical, but while the path is difficult, we must remember the quote, “It’s the journey, not the destination”.

Politics: Spine Bending Left, Right, or Center?

2008-10-28T13:36:00.000-05:00

Who is bending their hearts towards whom in this crazy election?

It’s Dirty Ya'll!

One has to admit it is a bit exciting, but some people are taking differences of opinions all too personally, causing energy-rifts in the yoga studio which totally funks up the one-ness vibe. My intuition tells me there are many yogis out there with unbalanced Crown Chakras, as they defend their chosen candidate with the force equal to an elephant falling out of Sirsasana onto a mouse in Balasana. Are we not aware our voices set the vibrational tone of our room and ultimately our entire planet? This must be why politics is considered one of the “forbidden subjects” if we want to refrain from squashing our friendships like the helpless mouse.

My opinion (because I know you’re dying to hear it): I believe in the freedom of Being and in Being. That we find acceptance for ourselves and others so that the one-ness vibe I alluded to above permeates our surroundings and ultimately the planet.

If yoga teaches us that our birthright is Bliss, then why do we disregard or worse yet, judge others for their opinions? Our Opinions are created through our life experience. It is estimated that there are 6.7 Billion people on our planet; this means there are 6.7 billion different life experiences, so any two year old can do the math and see that well, we will be havin us some debates here and there. The key is to come from love and knowledge (e.g. knowledge that we are all ONE and what I do or say affects EVERYONE), rather than coming from hate and fear. While we can not control what happens on November 4^th, we CAN control our thoughts and reactions. Love and knowledge cultivates more love and knowledge, while hate and fear breeds even more hate and fear.

It seems, more often than not, yogis bend their hearts more towards the left for Obama. I even found this bumper sticker!

I did not find any Yoga Instructors for Mccain bumper stickers. This seems unfair. I live in Texas, I know there are at least SOME conservative yoga teachers out there bending toward the right.

I will share my choice in this election, as I am going with the candidate who most resonates with my life experience. It is nether Mccain or Obama. It is Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate. I'm bending towards the middle.

For the next week the theme in my yoga class will be compassion. Our backbends will come from the heart and love; acceptance will fill our studio. I fully intend to do my part to keep the peace and teach that we can not control that which we fear. What will be, will be and we take it from there.

Can we not see the Divine Light in each candidate?

I will leave you with two happy pictures of both top candidates and more importantly, as quote from my seven year old son who has decided who he will vote for all on his own.

“I think Obama will win because he says things nice.”

This is HIS experience and his experience is no more or no less important than yours or mine. I will not judge him for it and neither should anyone else.

When You Don't Have It , You Just Don't Have It

2008-10-07T13:01:00.000-05:00

or do you?

As a yoga teacher it is my job (I feel) to give from the heart and to come to class prepared and ready for whatever awaits me. With past jobs I could show up and fake my enthusiasm, with this job my students see through me. I often feel like a big naked statue and they can see all of my chips and cracks. I have heard, more than once that my emotional state is not good at playing hide and go seek. I suppose I should find solace in the fact that I teach the practice of Satya and that we all are who we are, as we are, in every moment and all is well in the truth of things. My students stepping up to offer a bit of support like, *"Uh, hey, you seem a little stressed...are yoga teachers supposed to be stressed? You should try 20 rounds of Nadhi Shodhana" proves they have been listening to my teachings. At times the student truly is the teacher and that is why I needed to be in class that day. *Yes this really happened.

There have been a couple of times that I simply knew I would cheat my students should I show up on a particular day, for example if I am doubled over with my monthly blessing or my head is on fire with the latest migraine (the two, incidentally, usually go hand in hand), then I think it is safe to say I need to sit this one out. Also, family situations arise and this too may call for a break from the teacher yoga mat, after all doesn't world peace begin at home?

Mother Theresa said,"Peace begins with a smile". Unless I have just come from the dentist numbed up or have spinach in my teeth I believe I can give my best smile, no matter the state of my personal life (apart from the above mentioned occurrences). I know this much I can give. Knowing this has given me just enough to get through a class with the presence and love of someone in complete merriment. Sometimes, just showing up makes everything that seems "wrong" seem so perfect as it is.

Finally, of The Four Agreements, Do Your Best rings true here. Our best is always changing and sometimes I know I will be spot on teaching a class and some days I will slip all over my words, forget a side, or tell an inappropriate joke that will haunt me for weeks. However, I can always give my best smile for that day and provide the best class I can.

An unknown author said,"Don't worry, don't hurry, do your best and let it rest."

So be it!

Yoga East, Yoga West?

2008-08-31T10:06:00.000-05:00

It has been my experience that the question "What is Yoga?" is answered in various ways, depending on the individuals experience and needs. While I tend to lean towards the Eastern philosophy of lifestyle and self-realization, many of my peers bend towards the Western experience of yoga as physical fitness. Is one a better approach than the other? This depends on what the person is looking for. Is one more complete than the other? My opinion is yes, but again, this is my experience, not every ones. We are all on our own path and each path is special and unique.

So what is this yoga thang? Yoga is the union of the mind, body and spirit. While asana (or the physical postures) is one of the eight limbs of yoga in the Sutras of Pantanjali, Yoga is not asana as is commonly thought in the West. In the West "yoga" and "asana" are used interchangeably. I also wonder if most yoga studios should be called "Asana Studios" rather than "Yoga Studios". As it seems very few offer lessons from ancient texts, history, chanting etc.., but rather focus more on a physical workout.

I am not writing this post to prove my belief system, but rather to encourage people to question what they know as Yoga. The Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali is the foundation of Yoga. The soul (pun intended) purpose of yoga is Yoga, not physical fitness.

In the West are we practicing yoga or are we mainly practicing asana? Asana aids us on the path to yoga, so it is important, but it is not the point.

The Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali begins with threads 1.1-1.4, when combined is something along the lines of:

1.1 Atha Yoganusasanam
1.2 Yogash chitta vritti nirodhah.
1.3 Tada drashtuh svarupe avasthanam.
1.4 Vrtti Sarupyam Itaratra

1.1 "Now the practice of yoga begins".
To me, yoga is not something I do, it is something I practice daily. Do not ask your self, "Do I do yoga?" Ask yourself, "Do I practice yoga?"

1.2 "Yoga is the mastery of the activities of the mind-field". Ask yourself if you are aware of your thoughts and do you explore harnessing those thoughts if they do not serve the purposes of uniting mind, body, and spirit? Do you do this while practising asana only or is the something you strive for off the mat also?

1.3 "Then the seer rests in His true nature". We are all Knowers or Seers, not body nor mind. The truest YOU is always the same,but is confused or mixed up due to funky mind-stuff.

1.4 "At times the true Self assumes the form of the mind-field". If you detach yourself from all of your labels and possessions that you identify yourself with, you have the purest and truest you or "I". Yoga , when practiced in it's complete form aids us in self-control and constant self-adjustment in order to keep you from prescribing to false identifications of the self.

I was in a training recently where there topic of "yoga" as a workout and yoga as a way of life were equal. Is a teacher who prescribes more to the physical asana practice less than a teacher who studies to teach a more complete and Eastern influenced yoga class? I would say no, but I would ask if some teachers should call themselves asana teachers rather than yoga teachers. This is not a black or white issue, but it is true that asana alone is not yoga, but only one part of it. Asana does not offer the complete yoga experience. In the West if you can practice handstand you are considered an advanced yogi. I would say you are most likely advanced in your asana practice and I might even ask if you if you have a background in gymnastics because most likely the answer is yes. I introduce the notion that an advanced yogi is one who harnesses the mind and tries to maintain contact with the pure "I". I consider myself, after 15 years to be advanced in asana, but still a beginner in the "true" practice of yoga, but my goal is to at least reach intermediate status in my own spirit by the time I pass from this planet.

So, bluntly, I will argue that in the West we are mainly practicing asana, not yoga. This is simply my opinion and while I do believe this is not a complete practice, I respect that this is part of the path to yoga. I only hope that we do not confuse ourselves too much with the notion that we have "made it" in yoga because we are only starting in asana.

Namaste' and may you find your Sat Nam!

Hugging Amma

2008-08-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

On June 30th of this year Amma embraced me, just as she does every other Divine light who comes to her. I really have no words to describe the experience, although it reminded me of being back in India, the land where its people are raised to see the Divine in all. There freedom and acceptance when one is in the presence of people embracing this philosophy. No one is lower or higher or better or worse, instead we are all part of the whole.

Waiting in line I did not feel as if I would be meeting a celebrity, rather reconnecting with family member I had never met. As I knelt in front of her, waiting behind others on their knees, it amazed me to see so many people coming to her for healing,unconditional love, and the chance to feel at home in their own hearts. Some people broke down in tears and everyone smiled. Her hug was sweet, sincere and her unique and beautiful smell stayed with me the rest of the day. One of my yoga teachers stepped up and introduced me to Amma when it was my turn and for this Amma gave me an apple. Wasn't I the one who was to bring her an offering? Surely there are others more deserving of this apple. I kept the apple on my desk for awhile, not knowing if I should eat it or not. I ran a short pole and everyone said I should, so I did. It was the best apple I have ever consumed. This reminded me that every apple I eat, every food I eat should be seen as a gift, as there are so many who go without.

I did notice the feeling of floating outside of my body for several hours after we left Amma which did not fare well for driving in Dallas traffic and when I returned home I dove into even more research about Amma, wanting to know more about this woman who goes around the world embracing anyone and everyone she meets. I am a hugger, so I "get" the gift of what she is giving and for it I am grateful.

This Humanitarian is tops and the light shining from her is truth, love, and warmth. I look forward to my next hug from Amma and while I would love to write something deep and profound explaining my experience, my only advice would be that it is something that one must experience to understand and that each experience is unique and special.

Hugging is such wonderful medicine and it is Free!

Om Namah Shivaya Ya'll!

India, What a Trippy Trip!

2008-08-19T07:52:00.000-05:00

It is an early Saturday morning at 2:30 a.m. and I am unable to sleep as I transition from (as my Mother so accurately described it) between two realities I now know. My children sleep soundly in their beds with Bendhi's on their heads (little red dots at the brow believed to enhance intuitive consciousness), my husband exhausted and sleeping so deeply as he recuperates from the 18 day gift of India he has so graciously given me, while one of my cats nuzzles my left leg for attention (at least my leg is smooth given I was able to shave in my nice, spacious, beautifully designed Western shower). I am unable to sleep as it is 2:00 P.M. on the other side of the world in India and my internal clock has not yet switched over completely. I suddenly feel inspired to write, so I honor my internal scribe, but first I try to replicate a cup of Indian Chai, but this does not fair so well, however this cup of tea is no less worthy of sipping. I resist the urge to play music as I usually do while I write, pretending I am at the top of the Himalayans in a cave with my computer in keyboard tapping silence (I accept that I will never be a true Saddhu/spiritual renunciant as I doubt any Guru would agree to the typing of a keyboard being conducive to my enlightenment). I am okay with this; I accept it, as this is the truth of the reality in which I was born. I am a Western living a life with a beautiful family, supportive friends, a job I love and all the comforts the material world has to offer. I will now attempt to travel back through the 18 days that has changed my life. I liken the change to the one that took place the moment I held my first child in my arms. I do not remember the person I was before I had my children and to visit India leaves me wondering who I was before I was so blessed with the experience of knowing India.
What I heard many times in India was the command," Come", "You like Chai?" and "5 minutes only" all with a slight wobble of the head. So, make a cup of tea, Come, read, 5 minutes only (Please keep in mind the Indian minute is much longer than ours in the West).

Since my return I have been asked by many people to describe my experience, and while I know what it is I want to share I do not feel I can truly express the profound and unique experience of India. I can say with confidence that the most beautiful and inspirational attraction of India are its people. I feel God placed me and my travel companion and fellow yoga teacher Bonnie in the most unique situations during our travels so we would experience India to its fullest depth. While I enjoyed the breath taking architecture of India's many temples and main attractions like The Taj Mahal, the fabulous Indian cuisine, and the comforting taste of India Chai tea, it is the people of India that I miss the most. There is a peaceful feeling among the people of India, a feeling of acceptance and Santosha (contentment) I can not describe, but being in this environment it becomes a part of you as well, it is as if India is hugging you at all times with the purest love and acceptance for who you are, no matter your differences or indiscretions. People wonder how the people of India can be how I describe considering the caste system, but the cast system has been in use for many years. The values of the caste system are held strongly and it has continued to keep a sense of order and peace among the people. This is their life and they all have their own place among each other and accept that it is the way to keep their homeland from disintegrating to chaos. Practices such as women, children, disabled, and the elderly begging on the street seem cold and inhuman to Westerners, but to them this is a way of life and the longer I was there the less it bothered me, but I did give when I felt God wanted me to. I heard stories of men and women working construction from 5 a.m. to 9-10:00 P.M. for the equivalent of 1 American dollar per day and I saw for myself people riding their bikes 1-2 two hours to work in the factories outside of New Delhi. I went to pick up a Sari I had made for Kiran and I do not think the boy who made it was anymore than 13 years old. As our friend and driver told us," It is a hard life, but it is what they must do." In India, there are no masks; it is truly a country of what you see is what you get. At one point we were at a road block and we had top pay to get by, so I asked Praveen what that was all about and he said," They are taking money illegally." I asked why e could not just drive through and he responded," They would destroy my car." "What about the police?" I asked. He said," they are all into it together. So, no matter what walk of life they have been born into, it is simply the way it is. It all seems like a sort of peaceful disorder to me and no matter how shocking things seemed when I heard them I found that in the end there is something refreshing about it. If I had to mention one thing I miss the most is how much people sing in India. Someone was always singing!!! There was a child-like quality about all those I met.
This seems the appropriate time to transition to telling you of the people I came to know and love. Praveen picked us up at the New Delhi airport when we came in, made sure we settled comfortable in our hotel, got us off safely to Rishikesh and picked us up again when we came back to New Delhi, spending 3 days with us, so you can imagine how much we were able to learn from one another. Praveen has the most beautiful smile, gracious spirit, and most amazing family. I feel like I have an adopted family in India and I know for a fact Bonnie and I were his favorite tourists ever! He asked us many questions about how and why we do certain things the way we do in the U.S. and we asked him the same about his country. He also told us that Americans are very welcomed in India and I experienced this fully when at 4 different times families asked to have their picture taken with me. I felt like a movie star, only dirtier considering I could never quite shave fully or get the soap completely out of my hair when taking my Indian bucket baths. In any case we told him the day he chooses to come to America we will pick him up and take care of him as he did for us. I also met another man on the train ride from Rishikesh to New Delhi, an Engineer who once spent a month in Rishikesh living in an Ashram. He had some hard times in his life and wanted to become a renunciant and only worship God for the rest of his days, but the Guru told him it was not to be his path. I found people told us personal stories with no problem at all; again, what you see is what you get. What freedom! In any case, I asked this man if everyone in India was so hospitable, kind, and open? He told me," In our country we believe that when you enter our home you are to treat people as good as you would treat God and we see the Divine within everyone." This is a lesson I heard taught over and over again in India. No judgment.
I also found that people never forgot your face and if they really liked you they would offer you Chai. How often have you heard," Come. Sit. Talk and have Chai please."? I experienced this many times during my journey. We also made friends with two Babas and they took us on an adventurous hike up to a beautiful waterfall. This is the place the babas go to meditate; sometimes they sleep and cook-out there. It was like a little paradise and it was a welcomed chance to relax after trying to keep with the babas. (They are very fast). One of the babas practiced yoga postures (amazing!!!!) and then the babas took showers. They wanted us to, but we didn't. After sharing some oranges and bananas we headed to the ashram where the Beatles stayed. It has been abandoned, but is still very beautiful. We are lucky we were able to get in through a back opening since it is locked and shut to the public. Bonnie and I agree that this day was the icing on the cake. At the end of the day we both got baba names. One of the babas (who is very happy, always singing and telling us to watch out for the elephant "toilets" played his wooden flute and sang for us almost the entire time). We asked them questions about baba life and both have been on the streets since they were 12 and 14. Happy baba is 32 and my guru Suryagaribaba who named me is 24. Although we can not fully comprehend their choice of life, it is a very happy and peaceful one for them and they all take care of each other. Happy Baba was trying to convince me to have a baba life here when my kids were grown, but I told him I did not think Guru Dirk would support that idea too much. We also had the pleasure of meeting people from all over the world during The International Yoga Festival which consisted of 7 days of our travel experience. There were people at the Yoga Festival from 34 different countries, so every meal we meet new people. Our favorites came from Italy, South Carolina, and even one from Dallas! I came home with a handful of email addresses.
The yoga training was phenomenal; I can't explain in few words all I learned. With my current background in yoga I am taking all of this in even more and all the pieces came together on a whole new level. Kundalini Yoga was my favorite! It was affirmed what I already knew to be true and that is that Yoga is not about Asana (posture) practice, but a way of life. We saw this in India. It has always been my hope to help my students see the benefits of yoga on the deepest level and now I will no longer water down what I know needs to be taught. There is a saying: When the student is ready, the teacher will come. It is my belief that people who are ready will find me.
There are many adventures to be had in India, so now I will explain just a couple.
Driving in India is a new kind of adventure. Driving in India is a free-for all, drive at your own risk endeavor lacking any order whatsoever. I could make out white lines indicating there were supposed to be lanes, but no one saw these lanes but me and Bonnie (at one point I looked over at Bonnie and she was doing the whole Catholic thingy across her chest and she is not even Catholic). There were also speed limits, but again these were invisible to everyone except the two Americans. We shared lanes with buses, rickshaws, bicycles, motorcycles, cars, cows, dogs, monkey's, and people who walked across the craziness in amazing calmness. We would find out from Praveen towards the end of our trip that had someone hit him or he hit someone else, even if it was not his fault he would be dragged out of the car and killed. I had read this in the book Shantaram, but to hear it from the mouth of one of the sweetest men I had come to know it was even more disturbing. I quickly asked," Would they kill us too????" He laughed and said," No, it is no problem, you are safe." He would later jokingly ask if I would like to drive and I told him I would like to live a longer life thank you very much.
One of our favorite days was the day we went river rafting on the Ganga. We were picked up by our driver on a Motorcycle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh. My. Gosh that was some scary fun. At one point Bonnie said," I promise I will help Dirk raise the kids." No safety measures were taken, just get on and hope you don't fall off......3 of us on one bike. He dropped off to go river rafting. Bonnie and I were on a raft with 7 young men, so we thought we were going to get taken care of. Hells no! The boys on the trip were some MBA graduates and sissy-pants. Bonnie and I found ourselves doing almost all of the work. We sang songs and they asked to hear an English song. The only one I could think of was Ann Murray's "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in-love with ya honey.............." I wondered later why that was the only song that came to mind and I think it is because so many people ain't got money here. In any case, that song was older than all of the boys, but they seemed to enjoy laughing at me. We did stop half way to play volleyball which nobody was good at and since we had sand all over we all got in the Ganga. They said," You are a yoga teacher, you can do it!" I placed me hand at my heart, closed my eyes, went under and was blessed by Mother Ganga. It was freakin cold!
That evening, after out last Aarti ceremony, we went to see the Guru of our Ashram. I asked how I could raise my children to be compassionate and aware of how blessed they are in this life. He told me children follow the dance of the mother and they are always watching, so I must always remember this. I thanked him for this life-changing time I have had and almost cried at the thought of not being back for awhile. I really feel at home there and it is my dream to take Dirk and the kids there soon. After being around many orphans during the course of my trip, I feel even stronger about teaching my children well. I, Taragaribaba (my baba name) have a lot of work to do.
If you are still reading this I have to end by saying that I wish everyone the peace I have felt since experiencing the wonderment of India for the first time. Maybe you too will travel to India or maybe you will just set yourself free here in America. Free of judgment of yourself and others, free of the race for material possessions, free of all which no longer serves you. It is my hope that you will set your voice free and sing from the depth of your soul. I don't believe we need to move to India to become this way as it is already there, we only need to bring it to the surface.

Samarpan Ya'll

2008-08-13T10:37:00.000-05:00

Since I was a wee little girl I have expressed myself through drawing & writing. I started out drawing on walls and such, then began keeping a diary in 1st grade which lasted through collage and especially during my divorce at age 25, kept pregnancy journals for both of my children, and at the birth of my 1st child in 2001 I joined an on-line writing community. When I began teaching yoga I kept a teaching journal expressing the trials and tribulations of doing something I never thought I could. I stopped writing a journal a few years ago and began writing yoga class plans instead and reading everything yoga related I could get my hands on. The more I learned, the more I realized I did not know. The path to self-realization became such an obsession that I completely forgot the I AM of myself. Sat Nam!

I decided that the only way to get back to the I AM of myself was to start a journal and refrain from writing anything regarding yoga. I named my first Blog, I AM and the first entry was titled Labelasana. It was all about the labels we place on others, ourselves, and our attachment to them. I noticed that, while I wanted to refrain from yoga-speak, the first entry was, in fact asanad. Hmmm......

I manged to write 3 more entries without yoga language, but with the help of a mojito or 3. Then I over-dosed on Mojitos at a party one night and well, my entries ceased. I just sat there week after week looking at the little hand smudged computer screen not knowing what to do. I kept wanting to wipe clean the monitor and write about yoga.

So, here I am. I still have not wiped clean my children's hand prints, but have decided everything is yoga to me. All of life is yoga: the trees, food, my family, my friends...it is all yoga to me.

Samarpan is Sanskrit for surrender. So, I samarpan to the fact that, I am, in fact, going to write a yoga blog. :)