The Purusha, defined here simply as one's true self, regarded as eternal, never changing and unaffected by external events. I like to say it's what you search for when you need to dig deep, when you would rather turn out the lights and move into a turtle shell or worse, give up all together. This Purusha is the cosmic force that binds us all, found within all of us, that connection that is never cut from the heart center, the only thing that never changes.
After years of work, I can honestly say that Mantra and Pranayama are my chosen tools for meeting that Purusha, though sometimes, like recently, it takes those things along with a beer and daily expression of Gratitude. I've come a long way since the days of anti-anxiety medication, when I still believed my fate was to be abandoned and victimized, so that's what I saw around me. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, wrote that taking things personally was the ultimate form of selfishness. I used to take everything personally, so unaware of my selfishness, thinking that since I was doing so much good in the world, anything bad that happened was unjust. Now I have a different view. I realize I wanted to control what was happening around me so that I would feel safe. I wanted to be good to people so people could see I was good and be good to me too. I wanted proof that I was good enough by people staying put in my life. I wanted constant external validation instead of digging deep within knowing that I was doing the best I could and those who saw it were still there and never left. While I've come a long way, I know I continue to be a work in progress, sometimes taking three steps forward, then two steps back. What I know now, is that I don't have to stay back very long and can choose to move forward whenever I feel like it.
Today, I realize how precious each stage of life is, recognizing that each person or situation in my life may or may not be there forever, but I can always hold in my heart what we have shared together and what we have taught each other. Perhaps situations/relationships fall way, but come back later when both sides are whole, truly appreciating the other for all they are, with a clearer view of events. There is so much freedom in holding on to what resonates positively in the light of the heart and letting go that which dims it. So while relationships, situations, and life stages come and go, we can choose to smile fondly as we do inventory of what was/is positive about the relationship/life stage, rather than hold onto the pain of what went seemingly wrong, happy that our Purusha has guided us through lessons for growth, holding our hand along the way, and comforting us when we needed the strength to carry on.
Below is a video by Ben Taylor (child of Carly Simon and James Taylor who once came together, but didn't last). Driving to drop off my kids at school this morning my son said,"Mom, this song is so sad and depressing." I said," No. No it isn't if you understand that the only constant is change and in those times of change we can grow." He wasn't buying it, but it's all I'm listening to as I dig deep for that inner Purusha, knowing that it's there and it has never failed me and it never will. So, this song makes me smile. It's sweet and true, soft around the edges, and fluffy like a favorite blanket. That's how it makes me feel because it's what I choose to see.
Just another day, just another day I'm here where I belong. Any other place any other way I'd sing a different song. You wouldn't sing along, would you would you? Worlds are made of paper and time is only time nothing lasts forever 'cause people change their minds. I do, I do. I could find a way and I could learn the lines, it isn't hard to do. ooh But I'm so happy here, I think I'd rather stay with you with you. Worlds are made of paper and time is only time nothing lasts forever 'cause people change their minds. I do, I do. So good, so far from the very start. Everywhere I go I see what moves my heart. Worlds are made of paper and time is only time nothing lasts forever 'cause people change their minds. I do, I do. But for the moment I can't find the reason why I need to move along tomorrow doesn't mind that Yesterday is just my favorite Beatles song my favorite Beatles. Worlds are made of paper and time is only time nothing lasts forever 'cause people change their minds. I do, I do. Oh, just another day just another day.